Saturday, October 31, 2009

Malzahn 1, Nutt 0

Or, more accurately, 33-20. And 401 yards of offense by Auburn against Ole Miss.

I wonder if Nutt has any fingernails left after today?

Upon further review...

Eric Sims and Chris O'Brien did not attend the Razorback game together Saturday. In fact, this footage that aired during tonight's game is more than two years old. Nice one, ESPNU. I guess if I commit a crime in Little Rock tonight I can use this footage as an alibi.




Thanks, Joe

Friday, October 30, 2009

LR 2, nWa 0


Agent for Burnett and Lee Is 2-0, and Counting



I Like Oregon's Form This Year


When USC visits Oregon Saturday (ABC/ESPN2, 7 p.m. central) the real battle will be on the sidelines. Have Oregon's cheerleaders overtaken the USC Song Girls to become the hottest in college football? And how is this possible in a dirty hippy town like Eugene? We can only hope that both squads have special costumes for their Halloween game. I suggest they all go as lesbians and put on a very special halftime show.

E-mail designs of the week

Vote for your favorite.










Thursday, October 29, 2009

Another Rivalry

Last week Houston Nutt took on his former team and beat them for a
second year in a row. This week, he takes on the team is former Offensive
Coordinator coaches, the Auburn Tigers. I came up with a haiku for the
occasion.
Houston "Disco" Nutt
Gus "the old cuss" Malazahn
Vince, please sign a match.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Letters to Ramon: Week 9

"Tell me this doesn't send chills down your spine." -- Mr. Kentucky

"Mack Brown is a former Seminole tailback (yes, I was a tailback as well... Every time I got off the bench, coach would yell to get my tail back!). Longhorns all the way." -- Seminole Prognosticator

"What? No Georgia-Florida? A chance for me to pick up some ground with the underdog points I'd surely win with the Bulldog upset of the still-young century?" -- Andrew D.

"We have two tickets to the Razorback game this Saturday against Eastern Michigan in Fayetteville this Saturday if anyone would like them. We can't make the game." -- Rene S.

"Where is Arkansas this week? West Virginia–South Florida -- what’s up with this game? Nobody cares for the Big Least!" -- Joe C.

"West Virginia - Which makes me think of John Denver, which makes me wonder — why do the Baltimore Orioles play "Thank God I'm a country boy" during the 7th inning stretch? I'd say I lie awake at night pondering questions like that. But it would be a lie. But that's where my stream of consciousness went when I saw this game. So, really, it's all your fault, Matt, that I'll now spend several minutes trying to Google an answer to the Orioles-John Denver connection." -- Scott F.

"I will try something new by taking all the lines. It can’t hurt." -- Cat

"You picked some tough ones this week. I don’t think it matters – Mr. Wells would have to stop playing right now in order for someone to catch him. Ole Miss – talk about a grudge match. Nutt v. Malzahn I (it is the first game against eachother, right?). OSU – can the Cowboys put the brakes on yet another team from Texas like they did to TTech last year? If this was the first week Howard was suspended, I would say no. But he’s been out for 3 weeks now and OSU is still winning, so I think they have a shot." -- Jeff G.

"West Virginia - WVU was so embarrassed by Auburn they've picked up their game. Ole Miss - Obviously Matt is doing this to me on purpose. Tennessee - Tennessee was so embarrassed by Auburn they've picked up their game." -- Seve Chang

"My prediction, Iowa goes to the championship. FL, Bamer + TX are due for a loss somewhere." -- My D.

"If Iowa wins the NC game, I will toss in another $100 to sweeten the pot - kind of like buying shots for all your buddies in a bar." -- Johnny V

"On the eve of my next trip to Auburn, this time leaving Jacob and Sarah to 'trick' the residents of Little Rock, I have fortunately remembered to send you my dismal list of picks - although they were better than my two offspring's picks last week for a change. Along with explanations, they are as follows: 1) West Virginia (because they were good enough to be beat by Auburn during its win stretch); 2) Auburn (because I am the ultimate optimist willing to add another 1000+ miles to the War Waggon); 3) Tennessee (see reason for first pick above); 4) Oregon (because I really don't like USC and they need another loss so as to avoid their being in the National Championship game); and 5) Texas (because NCAA Powers That Be will decree it)." -- Oscar

"I love corn dogs, hence it must be true!!!" -- LSU fan

"AwBarn... come on, Trey! I'm not using the Vegas line... no matter what I do, I lose 3-4. Dr. Selligman would be proud!" -- Dr. Aristotle Ditka

"It appears Ramon is not destined for my Big Blue Shrine." -- Mr. Kentucky

"Leave it to a man to use sex (even if it's between animals) to reduce a friendly, wholesome fantasy football league into a filthy, hillbilly free for all!!! Will Johnson should be BANNED!!!! He has desecrated the spirit of the email background football pool design theme, not to mention the good name and reputation of rabbits everywhere. If I had a white glove I would slap him and challenge him to a duel." -- Robyn E.

"Great - the old-time adage "beware the directional schools" has no application here. I'll take South Florida (a region, and by the way, maybe it should be West Central Florida, since Tampa is not south of, say, half the state) over West Virginia (a state), since US(WC)F managed to upset WVA in 2006 and 2007. I'll take Auburn over Ole Miss (come on, Gus). Maybe an Ole Miss booster should do a stadium fly-over with a big banner reading 'High School.' It is not USC''s year - I'll take Oregon over USC and think I should get a bonus point for this pick. But maybe Oregon's getting back to its salad days ([i]n the 1916 season, Oregon went undefeated with five wins and one tie under head coach Hugo Bezdek, shutting out all their opponents except California; they opened the season against Willamette University, defeating them 97-0) and this is not all that much of a stretch." -- Glenn B.

Five Things

1. Last Saturday's Arkansas game was a debacle. No doubt about it.

Having used their last emotional chip against Florida, the Arkansas players were spent. And, unlike the vast majority of Razorback fans, the players don't have a burning hatred of Houston Nutt from which they could have built up some anger before kickoff.

The game exposed what might be a flaw in Bobby Petrino. After years of "Rah-rah! Who cares about Xs-and-Os!?!" coaching by Nutt, Arkansas has swung the other direction. And, perhaps, too far the other direction. Petrino doesn't strike me as a great motivational speaker. He's much more cerebral than Nutt (so is my 10-month old, so it's not saying a lot). But there are times when you've got to tap into the rah-rah speechifying when you're a college coach.

Perhaps I'm wrong about Petrino and he can deliver Knute Rockne-esque halftime speeches. But from what we've seen, do you think he can?

2. Another WTF? High School Football Play



More on the play here.

3. Kids, remember, tattoos are sort of permanent

This is Josh Haden ...


As you can see by his chest tattoo, Haden is a Boston College fan. It makes sense, given he's a running back who's carried 58 times for 213 yards and one TD. Yet despite his inked devotion to the Eagles, Haden has announced he's transferring at the end of the season.

Remember, tattoos are permanent. It's something Peppas remembers every day when he sees the DEVO tattoo he got across the knuckles on his right hand. (No truth to the rumor WHAM is tattooed on his left knuckles.)

4. Recurring Items

SportsJournalists.com Top 25 link is here.

AwfulAnnouncing provides college football announcers' schedules here and the Pammy Award update is here.

5. M8B Prediction

Since Arkansas is playing one of the worst NAIA ... what? ... Eastern Michigan is a Division I team? Really!?! Man, it's times like this I wish the NCAA employed the promotion/relegation structure of European soccer. "Nope, sorry Eastern Michigan, you're being sent down to Division II. Congrats Minnesota Duluth, you're now in the Mid-American Conference and playing Arkansas on Halloween."

Anyway, since Arkansas is playing a creme-filled, icing-crusted cupcake we'll use the Magic 8 Ball on another in-state team.

Will Arkansas State (+4) cover the spread against Louisville?



Well, it seems even the Magic 8 Ball doesn't care about ASU. Just like most Arkansans.

(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since the Magic 8 Ball is 6-5 this season.)

This week's games

Traditionally in past years, the games for the week have been sent out on Thursday morning. But since there has been a Thursday night game in seven of the eight weeks so far this year, I'm just going to go ahead and keep the announcement day on Wednesday for the rest of the season for consistency, even on weeks when there is no Thursday night game –– like this one, which instead has three potential tricks on Halloween night.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which David "Mr. Kentucky" Wallace plans to place in his shrine to Blue and White basketball (now featuring a bended NCAA rule book and a corner commemorating the day in April their fans sold their souls to the devil), select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 5 p.m. Friday.

West Virginia - South Florida
7 p.m., Friday, ESPN2
Line: West Virginia by 3

Ole Miss - Auburn
11:20 a.m., Saturday, SEC Network
Line: Ole Miss by 3

The Halloween Game
South Carolina - Tennessee
6:45 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Tennessee by 5
* Underdog worth three points

USC - Oregon
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN2
Line: USC by 3

Texas - Oklahoma State
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN2
Line: Texas by 9
* Underdog worth four points

Good luck.
****#****

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bits and pieces: Eagles!

Some random things from a Saturday spent watching college football.

Numbers lie: Ryan Mallett might be the worst QB in the SEC. Here's why: Mallett's numbers are deceiving. Going into the Ole Miss game he had 17 completions of 30 yards or longer. Good, right? Well, here's where numbers hurt. The long completions accounted for roughly half of Mallett's passing yards for the season and always looking for the long bomb means that Arkansas is forced into long second and third downs if first down is an incomplete pass. It means the other team's defense knows what is coming and can scheme accordingly. It takes the running game out of the offense, unless it is a draw. It takes the tight end out of the offense. Mallett's passing is like a running back that has 14 carries for 110 yards and a touchdown. Good, right? Okay, but one carry is for 88 yards and most of the carries are no-gains or one-yard. The numbers look good on paper, but when you put them in context, they suddenly take a turn for the worse.

Just wondering: A top-ranked SEC team struggles in conference and observers note that it reflects the strength of the conference. A team from any other conference struggles and observers note that it means that the top-ranked team isn't as good as everybody thinks. That strike anyone else as a bit odd? I don't want to go off on one my patented rants on the strength of the Pac-10, but I'm sorely tempted. I just don't think it is fair to dismiss a conference because it isn't the SEC. I think the SEC is a strong league, but it is an apples-to-oranges comparison to look at a conference that requires every team play each other versus a conference where the top-ranked team would only play one ranked opponent in the regular season and skip half of the other division.

Celebrate good times, c'mon: Terrance Cody rips off his helmet, and it looks like the clock is still ticking. No call. Florida runs back an interception, reviewed and ruled a touchdown. Replay clearly shows he lost possession at the 2-yard line. Great teams get lucky on occasion, umm, okay, but c'mon. Wonder why a team that isn't undefeated doesn't get those "breaks?"

He said what?: Did Herby really say on ESPN that "Arkansas shot its wad against Florida." That is some kind of awesome if true.

I forget: I had one more thing to add, but I don't remember it now. Oh, wait, here's a question for the stat heads: Has Arkansas ever had a perfect Saturday? Meaning have all the Arkansas football playing colleges won on the same Saturday. It would have to be non-conference games since the old AIC and the current Gulf South have Arkansas teams playing each other. I suspect a perfect Saturday has happened, but I'm curious on the when.

Punchlines only

I said send me the video of Shawn Andrews... More like Hogville.nut because he owns them... And that's how Iowa got in the BS national championship game.

Letters to Ramon: Week 8 postscript

"Crazy. Every week I say, man if I had just picked that one game right I'd be in the upper tier. That said, if I had picked one more game wrong, I'd be a tier lower. I need a 5-0 to take it up a tier. I just couldn't take Ole Miss since their QB looked so pathetic against SC and Bama. I have not had good luck picking Hog games this year. How about Nutt being 2-0 against Arkansas? How long will 'Petrino is building the program' be an excuse? Everyone talks about how Nutt can't coach, but he takes these talented teams and makes them winners instantly. People said last year, oh he inherited a bunch of talent that anyone could win with. Well, apparently not the previous coach. Same thing when he came to Arkansas. I mean when was the last time Ole Miss was in the Top Ten? Not since segregation ended. They'll also say he can't recruit, but we could name a long list of incredibly talented players that were here under his watch. I do not agree with some of his coaching, though. Why would they manage the clock so poorly at the end of the half and not even attempt to get into FG range. Really terrible and of course Facebook started lighting up with comments from Nutt haters. They had a good point there." -- Shaft III

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Nutt 2, Hogville/Wally/Beck 0


All your sad and lost apostles hum my name and flare their nostrils
Choking on the bones you toss to them
Well I'm not one to sit and spin
'Cause living well's the best revenge
Baby, I am calling you on that

Ole Miss 30, Arkansas 17
“That’s about as disappointing as it gets,” Petrino said. “They beat us in all phases. They beat our defense up. They beat our offense up and they won the special teams. We didn’t match thier intensity early. We didn’t come out and execute on offense and had a hard time protecting the quarterback and running the ball. So it’s about as disappointing as you can get after having a great battle last week and then taking a huge step backwards.”

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Losing Haiku

Since the Auburn Tigers have lost two games in a row, lets make it
three:
Another loss looming
Wheels fallings off the Gus bus
Constipated fans.

Bits and pieces, plus Mad Lib!

Math is hard: Arkansas is a hard team to figure. I've seen them play live twice and I'm still not sure if the team that played against Mizzou State was the same team that beat Auburn.

In praise of $14.99: No really, Mexico Chiquito is running a two can dine for $14.99 deal and it is fantastic. With drinks, no booze, we skated out of there for less than twenty bucks and got food in styrofoam to eat later. Do it. Now!

I've been busy: No really, I've been busy and couldn't get to posting anything last week. It doesn't help that the Internet at the house is on the fritz. The phone company doesn't know why either.

Week 8 Mad Libs

Let’s face it, Houston Nutt is a great coach. He is the best thing that could happen to a program like Ole Miss. My favorite Nutt moment at Arkansas was when he jangled the keys, change, and cell phone in his pocket and said “now Jeremy, do you understand what I’m saying?” and I was like, "umm, yeah, I'm not a complete idiot." But that was just the voice in my head, in reality I just nodded. If only Gus Malzahn had been exposed earlier, the Razorbacks might be in middling shape now. Now he’s at Auburn where he is running the offense with piddling results for Gene Chizik, who was a odd hire. War Plainsmen to LSU, where it smells like corndogs all the time. Arkansas now has Bobby Petrino, who likes to yell mother fracker on the sidelines when the kicker fracks a field goal. Petrino also said, “durnit, I miss Battlestar Galactica, so say we all.” Should be an interesting weekend in which I will go I have no idea because of the ACC game and I’m puzzled by TCU and BYU as well and Arkansas is worth bonus points despite my feeling that Ole Miss will win, the bonus points are worth just too much since all the Piggies fans will pick Arkansas and pick up points that would bury me even deeper in the standings if they win and Mr. Steve Wells will do better than me.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Jeremy Peppas plans to put beside his other Ramon Escobar Trophy, select your games and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday and be glad you do not have to watch the result of Clemson-Miami game like Bobby Knight might.

Insider's Report:
Mr. Wells and the Method of Pool Success

An anonymous source provides the following insider report on Mr. Steve Wells and his success thus far in the pool...

Some notes on the Wells' method: Many have asked how Steve Wells is picking teams so well this season. Today, I studied his tactics and have determined that this is how it all goes down: I receive the games via email and print them off for Wells (he doesn't do email... still believes fax machines are magic). Wells then grins and starts making little noises that all CHS graduates would recognize such as "be beee beee!" and "yeah, yeah" and other sound effects that others could not interpret nor could I find the proper keystrokes to phonetically spell. Maybe he's communing with the angels. Maybe he has a Beautiful Mind like Russell Crowe. He then circles the teams of his choice and hands his picks back to me and always says something like, "Well, we'll see where the old English teacher ends up this week. Heh heh heh..." I finally asked him his system today. I finally ventured into the realm of Wells World to try to decipher just how he's doing so... well. He said, "I pick the teams that I want to see win. Period. Bee beeee beee!" And he's off to class again. Let me underscore this point: it takes Mr. Steve Wells exactly 45 seconds to pick his teams each week. Of those 45 seconds, 21 of them include the time it takes for my ancient printer to reel off Dishongh's emails.

Week 8 Mad Libs!

Glenn B.
Let's face it, Houston Nutt is a WORKMANLIKE YET TRAGICALLY FLAWED coach. He is the BEST thing that could happen to a program like Ole Miss. My favorite Nutt moment at Arkansas was when he WAS CAUGHT TEXT MESSAGING the PRETTY LADY FROM THE TV and also when he said "I REALLY THINK THERE'S STILL A LOT OF SEASON LEFT, ... I WOULDN'T DO IT FOR ANY OTHER REASON - EXCEPT TO WIN". If only Gus Malzahn had been TREATED BETTER BY THE COACHING STAFF earlier, the Razorbacks might be in BETTER shape now. Now he's at Auburn where he is REVAMPING the offense with MIXED results for Gene Chizik, who was an ENIGMATIC hire. War EAGLE to LSU, where it smells like A PETROLEUM REFINERY all the time. Arkansas now has Bobby Petrino, who likes to yell mother EVER LOVIN SON OF A GOD-DAMNED PANSTY ASS C*%&SUCKER on the sidelines when the kicker DISCOVERS AGAIN THAT HE IS NOT VERY GOOD AT KICKING a field goal. Should be an interesting weekend in which I will go 5-0 and Mr. Steve Wells will FORGET TO SUBMIT HIS PICKS.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which MATT DISHONGH plans to SELL ON EBAY AND CONTRIBUTE THE PROCEEDS TO A LOCAL TEA-BAGGER ORGANIZATION, select your BRILLIANT PICKS and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday and be glad you do not have to PRAY LIKE CRAZY FOR AN UPSET IN the result of Clemson-Miami game like Bobby BOWDEN might.


Rene S.
Let's face it, Houston Nutt is a _magical_(adj.) coach. He is the _most magical (adj.) thing that could happen to a program like Ole Miss. My favorite Nutt moment at Arkansas was when he _waved (verb) the magical golf hat___(noun) and also when he said _"Bippity, Boppity, Boo"__(quote). If only Gus Malzahn had been the holder of the magical hat_(verb) earlier, the Razorbacks might be in dancing (adj.) shape now. Now he's at Auburn where he is dressing(verb) the offense with magical_(adj.) results for Gene Chizik, who was aservant (adj.) hire. War trails_(noun or phrase) to LSU, where it smells like a Castle's mote_(noun) all the time. Arkansas now has Bobby Petrino, who likes to yell mother, "fairy godmother, may I"_(noun or verb) on the sidelines when the kicker prays for_(verb) a field goal. Should be an interesting weekend in which I will go magically 5-0_(record) and Mr. Steve Wells will vanish like Cinderella's pumpkin at midnight___(grab bag).

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Rene Stehle_(name) plans to _magically win____(phrase), select your _queen's picks____(plural noun) and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday and be glad you do not have to wave your wand_for___(verb) the result of Clemson-Miami game like Bobby and the Fairy Godmother_(name of coach) might.

Letters to Ramon: Week 8

"I'm not entirely down on our Lord and Savior Gus. But he has to get some some players and I don't think they have any QBs committed yet." -- Jeremy P.

"One thing that the Seminole Prognosticator has been incredibly consistent at is picking Arkansas to win and then they lose. Sorry my dear Razorback fans but I am picking your team to win this one which assuredly guarantees that they will lose. SEMINOLE FACTOID OF THE WEEK: Supermodel Gabriella Reese played volleyball at FSU. How can I top that? Can't be done so see ya next week!" -- Seminole Prognosticator

"Arkansas - Trap game. Most people will pick the Hogs on this pick'em so if you don't and the Hogs win, everyone will gain bonus points on you. TCU - Their coach just keeps winning with average players. Why don't any big schools hire Gary Patterson? LSU - Are you happy Matt? I picked against my team. Maybe it will fire them up.... nah. Too thin at D, the corndogs will run all over us." -- Seve Chang

"FSU: They just had Midnight Madness at Chapel Hill, which in those parts means the end of Football season. They remembered that they are a basketball school and FSU runs wild. Arkansas: The first two times Arkansas was in the picks, my head and my heart disagreed and I went with the wrong one. This time my head and my heart both say Ole Miss sucks, Nutt is overrated, and Arkansas gets payback for last year. GO HOGS! PSU: Generic uniforms and a geriatric coach playing on the road in a conference that can't count. What's not to love?! Auburn: Surely they won't take 3 dumps in a row, right?" -- Brian R.

"Auburn –– gotta do it, if Todd plays well, we win, if not, its over at halftime, besides 4-1 is still good." -- Jeff K.

"Stat of the Week: I’ve found that if I win on Thursday night, I go either 4-1 or 5-0. If I lose Thursday night, then its 2-3 or 1-4. Go Heels. Hogs - for the bonus points. Maybe we’ll win, maybe we’ll be blown out. We need a couple years before beating both Mississippi teams every year is again guaranteed. The Rebels’ loss to ‘Bama was so typical of a Nutt team – play hard for the first half against a superior opponent, then a couple of bad plays takes all the air out and they roll over. The best way to beat a Nutt team? Run the kickoff back for a TD. All the emotion built up by Nutt’s manic presence drains out quick and they never recover. PSU – my Michigan State in-laws would never forgive me for picking Michigan for anything, plus PSU is a better team. And Rodriguez is an ass. LSU – this seems like a gimme for LSU. Am I missing something? I am fascinated by the corndog smell allegation. I’ve never been there – is it true? Is it a consensus or just an Arkansas charge? This issue really needs more press coverage." -- Jeff G.

You forgot a game this weekend...
The Spiked Punch Bowl
Lee Davis - New Orleans/Baton Rouge
2:15 p.m., Friday, Hopefully no station will air it
Line: Beer by 25
* Underdog is worth 3 nights with Bayou Bubba in the local pokey
If I had the money, I would bet on the "over" in this matchup.
-- Lee Davis

"Sign of the apocalypse: TCU-BYU in the Pool!" -- Scott F.

"Florida State - Come on, the team had an Indian throwing a spear into the ground. Who can’t like that? Penn State – I never did like Michigan. Well, there was that one time they had that back named Butch Wolfolk and I thought it was a pretty cool name. LSU – Who does not like a corndog and Trey tells me they smell like it." -- BR S.

"Matt, it has been a crazy year for me. I do not know what the problem is. I can not pick my dam noise." -- Broderick

"You sure picked some ___________ (Xtreme adj.) games this week!" -- David W.

"Because I'm falling into the dismal abyss of the bottom bracket where my father has established residency, I must pick the Razorback game for the bonus point. And so I don't jinx the hogs, I'm not doing this because I think they'll win. I'm doing it for the point." -- Brendan

"What? No Clemson/Miami??" -- Robb O.

"We will _____(verb) the _____(noun) out of Ole Miss this weekend! Col. Reb will _____(verb) until he____(verb) _____(adj ) _____(Noun) all night." -- Dr. Aristotle Ditka

"How about this Mad Lib? Houston Nutt is a %#$#$%# and a &^%$^%^$. He is so full of !@#@@ that there are parodies of him all over the internet. I would like to see Peyton Hillis give him a big hug and kiss. I personally like to see a bulldozer run over his sorry, no good worthless *&^%$%^& self. BTW I came very close and should have been correct when I told you last week we would go beat Florida and go undefeated." -- Joe C.

"Florida State – because losing the Thursday night game deflates my hopes of a good week of picks quickly. Ole Miss – because Arkansas’ secondary can make anyone look like a Heisman candidate." -- Kate D.

"My favorite opener of the year! You can't go wrong with a good mad lib, I always say." -- Wake 'em up with the Kev Man

"Florida State - North Carolina: Why is this game on here? Seriously, I respect you have some tough decisions as to which games to include, but this one makes no sense. I’m actually irritated by having to pick this completely uninteresting game. Okay, maybe it is just a horrible week for intriguing games, however, I would have taken that opportunity to leave the ACC out of the picks." -- Jerry W.

"This is go-out-on-a-limb week. Fall or fly." -- Lonesome Traveler

This week's games

Week 8 Mad Libs

Let's face it, Houston Nutt is a _____(adj.) coach. He is the _____(adj.) thing that could happen to a program like Ole Miss. My favorite Nutt moment at Arkansas was when he _____(verb) the _____(noun) and also when he said _____(quote). If only Gus Malzahn had been _____(verb) earlier, the Razorbacks might be in _____(adj.) shape now. Now he's at Auburn where he is _____(verb) the offense with _____(adj.) results for Gene Chizik, who was a _____(adj.) hire. War _____(noun or phrase) to LSU, where it smells like _____(noun) all the time. Arkansas now has Bobby Petrino, who likes to yell mother _____(noun or verb) on the sidelines when the kicker _____(verb) a field goal. Should be an interesting weekend in which I will go ____(record) and Mr. Steve Wells will _____(grab bag).

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which _____(name) plans to _____(phrase), select your _____(plural noun) and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday and be glad you do not have to _____(verb) the result of Clemson-Miami game like Bobby _____(name of coach) might.

Florida State - North Carolina
7 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: North Carolina by 2

Arkansas - Ole Miss
11:20 a.m., Saturday, SEC Network
Line: Ole Miss by 6
* Underdog worth three points

Penn State - Michigan
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN
Line: Penn State by 4

TCU - BYU
6:30 p.m., Saturday, Versus
Line: TCU by 2

The Tiger Bowl
Auburn - LSU
6:30 p.m., Saturday, ESPN2
Line: LSU by 7
* Underdog worth three points

Good luck.
****#****

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Five Things

1. Another week, another "MOST PIVOTAL GAME IN THE RAZORBACKS SEASON!" is upon us.

After coming up short (well, actually wide left) against Florida in The Swamp, Arkansas gets Houston Nutt on the rebound. While some Arkansas fans are convinced the Razorbacks will take out their frustrations over the refs on the Rebels, I'm concerned about an emotional letdown.

Arkansas has a prime opportunity to light a fire under Nutt in Oxford. Paul Finebaum declared Nutt has done the worst coaching job in the SEC in the first half of the season. A loss to Arkansas would be a match to the kindling.

As usual, Nutt has feasted on Paula Deen-worthy cupcakes while struggling against the main courses in the SEC. Example: Ole Miss has scored 146 points while giving up only 33 against nonconference teams. But the Rebels have scored a measly 35 while allowing 45 against the SEC. The only team to have scored fewer points than Ole Miss? Vandy.

That's Nutt for you. He's the type of coach who can turn a Top 10 preseason team into Vandy. He's good at taking a downtrodden team and lifting it out of the muck. He's a good underdog, but lousy as the favorite.

2. The Golden Gopher does not fear the Flying Spaghetti Monster



3. Really Aggie fans!?!



4. Recurring Items

SportsJournalists.com Top 25 link is here.

AwfulAnnouncing provides college football announcers' schedules here and the Pammy Award update is here.


5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (+5) cover against Ole Miss?


Will TV cameras catch Houston Nutt chewing his fingers or some other dorkalicious behavior?


(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since the Magic 8 Ball is 5-4 this season.)

Auburn: The coronation was premature

"Is it possible that former Arkansas head coach Houston Nutt was actually right when he wrested control of the Hog offense from Malzahn midway through Malzahn's one-season tenure with the Razorbacks?"

Monday, October 19, 2009

OK, which of you is this?

Ramon's Escoblog: Week 7

The Truth, With Jokes (Reading time: 43 seconds) -- It: Tebow keeping it in his pants until marriage. Not it: The refs not keeping it in their pants until the end of the game... It: High drama at Notre Dame Stadium. Not it: High drama at the LittleRockMamas.com launch party... It: Paul Johnson's offense working at Arkansas. Not it: Chip Johnson's offense working in intramurals at the HPER buliding... It: Mr. Saturday Night Ron Franklin back on Saturday night. Not it: The Dodgers appearing on my TV on any night... It: Chris O'Brien's wings over the coals. Not it: Chris O'Brien's wing-oes coming back up over the trash can... It: Father Jenkins' second term. Not it: Bishop Taylor having a second speech... It: Fire at Village Inn. Not it: Firing Mark Richt... It: Guy Wade directing a 5-0. Not it: Guy Ritchie directing Sherlock Holmes... It: Tahiti's Red River Rivalry song. Not it: Wale's Beastie Boys tribute... It: Mack Brown. Not it: Being coach of the Cleveland Browns... It: The 145 people who have paid their entry fee. Not it: Holdouts Chris Baldwin and Andrew DeMillo who are going to pay for delaying the announcement of the prize distribution.

Ark. v. Fla. - now it makes more sense to me


Letters to Ramon: Week 7 postscript

"Disappointing weekend. Catholic lost. I wore may USC Sweatshirt all day Saturday hoping to jinx the Trojans against ND. The Hogs getting hosed. Bradford getting knocked out quickly in the Texas game. I am surprised I won a single game this weekend." -- BR Shields

"So based on the current leaders' scores, I wonder how many people are on the verge of giving up. 66 seems like a pretty huge lead when everyone else is below 50, and out of those most are below 40. I do remember, though, that the bowl games can make a pretty big difference. For me, its always been for the worst, though." -- Gary F.

"What’s this crack about the Bishop? You PIRATE!" -- Moose

"My take on your report - It: the Big O taking his delusional prediction abilities (this year any way) to Philly to pull with Lee for Army against Navy this December; Not it: getting back from a home game against one of this year's previously most penalized SEC teams where zero penalties were called against the visitor (possibly the only visiting team ever in my memory to get zip penalties during an entire game - the Wildcats' only flag was picked up) and reading Wally's column about poor officiating against the Hogs. Are you sure Wally wasn't talking about the home field advantage at Fayettville the first half of the previous Saturday (about a 70-yard differential wasn't it)? I can't wait to see how the refs take care of this year's love child - bama - the day after Thanksgiving. What the heck... my spouse, grandkids and I got to sit in the cold and watch Bo Jackson swing a bat again at the Friday night Home Run Derby along with Frank Saunders and other AU baseball pros at the Loveliest Village on the Plains... plus one more lemonade at Toomer's Corner. Life goes on, and hope springs eternal. War Eagle!" -- Oscar

"Is Steve wells going to come back down to earth? And let me tell you… how come the SEC can have a defensive-oriented, no offense, type of game and the media calls that tough football? But when it happens in the Big 12, they say the offense struggled and the teams were unimpressive. OU had nothing to lose. Nothing." -- Yo Sal

Thursday, October 15, 2009

E-mail designs of the week

Vote for your favorite.










The Oklahoma-Texas battle rap



Watch it at QuickDFW featuring Tahiti (above) from the REWC (former co-host of the Ramon Escobar Show on the University of Arkansas student radio station) and his partner from AwkQuarius, Pikahsso. Don't vote for either because the winner is this song and video.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Letters to Ramon: Week 7

"Another nice lineup that I can fail miserably with. Aren't we due for some Clemson???" -- Robb O.

"USC beats ND, unless that leprechaun really works some huge magic." -- Steve N.

"ND – like stealing candy from a baby." -- Brett W.

"For entertaiment purposes only, Ark will cover the spread against Florida. Of course, I would place a call to Mr Steve Wells to verify that pick before placing any actual wagers." -- Aggie Mark

"I know VT will probably win but I'm tired of them and their fluke wins." -- My D.

"America's Team - Florida State, will take a much needed breather this weekend as they take on the college powerhouse, Open Date. The game promises to be a victory for Florida State. SEMINOLE TRIVIA: The Seminole indian that is on the FSU logo does actually have a name. He is Sammy Seminole - I do love alliteration! Anyway, the Noles started wearing a Sammy Seminole logo on their game pants when the actor and FSU alumni Burt Reynolds thought that it would look cool. He thought so much of it that for a bowl game he purchased the team new pants with that logo. Can't remember which bowl game but I am sure it was a victory. Of course Burt had the ability to make that kind of purchase then because that was before he divorced Loni Anderson and was plunged into alimony hell and lost all his money." -- Seminole Prognosticator

"I’ll give you $3 if you’ll send me Mr Wells’ picks. No one needs to know. Iowa–Wisconsin: I think these teams are pretty evenly matched, so the nod goes to the home team. 11 a.m. is a little early for the students in Madtown, but they’ll be there – only their eyes will match their team’s jerseys." -- Jeff G.

"GTech is looking stronger but I seem to lose when I pick them. You've been warned." -- Seve Chang

"Since the only pick that Trey and I have the same is USC, this is either the week that I pull back into contention for the Verizon Cup or the week that I fall so far behind the pack that I will essentially phone it in the rest of the season." -- Brian R.

"I suck... Therefore, i'm done with commentary and sharing my picks with the Alltel/VZW crew until I get better. I was just embarrassing myself. If there was a Harris cup (like the Davis cup) I would be losing!" -- Ryan H.

"In honor of captain underdog, I will take all of the favorites. Remember, Arkansas will win this weekend and go undefeated for the rest of the year." -- Joe C.

"I am in Tulsa watching the Tulsa game. The wild part is that Boise State is staying at my hotel. They brought quite a few fans. I guess there is nothing else to do in Boise but support the team. The Boise pregame dinner was next door to my meeting and they were getting all wild and loud getting pumped up for the game. No SEC team should ever be afraind of playing them. They were incredibly small -- like I would not be afraid of being on the field with them." -- BR Shields

"Notre Dame - and I'm serious. ND should be undefeated. Time for the shillelagh to come home." -- BR Shields plus Budweiser

"Notre Dame – I really regret making this pick, but those damn Irish will probably screw this up and I can’t stand those bastards!!!" -- William F.

"I always feel so good about my picks on Thursday and so bad about them on Sunday." -- David W.

"Well, pickwise this is going to be a long year so time to pull out the long shots. On the road early tomorrow to Auburn to see my Tigers recover... that's what good teams do, pick themselves up and get with it. Besides, the grandkids, Sue and I get to see Bo and other former AU stars in a home run derby or go see the men's basketball practice or go see the Lady Tigers take on Florda in volleyball. Got to meet the guys at the Oyster House for lunch so here are my picks: 1) South Florida (because they'll surprise Cincinatti tonight); 2) Wisconsin (because I'm really not sure about the Iowa team being that good); 3) Texas (because they have Colt and OU has who knows); 4) USC (you gotta be kidding if you think I'll take that long a long shot); and 5) Virginia Tech (because their defense has more than enough talent to stop Tech's running game). How come Florida/Arkansas isn't on here? I could use the help in closing the gap over those loyalists who would pick the Hogs to win in the Swamp. War Eagle anyway." -- Oscar

"OK, so I'm gonna say what everyone else is thinking but is too afraid to come out with it.... Mr. Wells is cheating. That's right, I said it. I'm not sitting in his English class anymore, don't have to worry about retaliation, and I'm a Man, dammit!!!" -- Jimmie D.

"And now I finally HAVE a mantle on which to put the coveted Ramon Escobar trophies! I'm just glad there's no Arkansas game to pick this time." -- Dauphne

"Texas and Coach Brown, and the best defense in the country, take it to Big Game Bob. Texas 70. Oklahoma 3." -- Yo Sal

Five Things

1. Hey, looky there, it's yet another "Most Pivotal Game of the Season!" for Arkansas.

Instead of being happy with a blowout/hang on to win in the second half victory against Auburn, Razorback fans have begun to think Ryan Mallett might lead them to a win against Tim Tebow at The Swamp. Oh, sure, Vegas has the line at 25 (TWENTY FIVE!) but that's no matter to the Arkansas loyalists. Neither is a suspect defense (Auburn shot itself in the foot repeatedly in the first half).

Admittedly, believing in your team despite the odds is part of being a fan. Faith comes into play in sports as much as it does in religion. I just hope nobody is putting the mortgage payment on Arkansas to win. The lottery has better odds.

2. Setting The Odds

Oakland Raider head coach Tom Cable started a trend this season by breaking the jaw of an assistant coach. Like most football trends, this one started in the NFL and trickled down to the NCAA, where New Mexico coach Mike Locksley slugged an assistant. So who will be the next coach to go Woody Hayes on one of his own assistants? Let's check the odds!

3/1 - Bobby Bowden: Don't let the folksy good-humor fool you. Papa Bowden is a straight-up gangsta. It's how he managed to hold his own against Miami and Florida for so long. (Odds are 5/4 he punches a pencil-neck geek from the administration.)

5/1 - Joe Paterno: The Grandpa Simpson of NCAA coaches might deck the next assistant who mentions Twitter, text messages, cell phones or cable TV.

7/1 - Charlie Weis: If the blood sugar of The Trom Traenálaí gets wonky, Irish assistants better keep their head on a swivel.

10/1 - Bobby Petrino: I'm looking at you Willy Robinson, with your fancy mustache and not-so-fancy defense. And Paul Petrino, don't think your brother has forgiven you for mom always liking you best.

15/1 - Urban Meyer: At some point, a Florida assistant is going to say something slightly negative about St. Timothy of Gainesville. When it happens, Urban will unleash his fury.


3. Another week, another crazy high school football finish



Still the best for the 2009 season ...




4. Recurring Items

The SportsJournalists.com Top 25 is here.

Your Week 7 announcing schedule is provided by AwfulAnnouncing.com here while the Pammy Award update is here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (-25) cover the spread at Florida?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since the Magic 8 Ball is 4-4 this season.)

This week's games

Rumor has it that Notre Dame, after hearing about Doug Virden's performance as Baby New Year on the state capitol grounds New Year's Eve circa 1998, has invited him to be "honorary leprechaun" this season. I can't remember which game he is going to, but I hope it's this Saturday for one of the great rivalries in college football (this game allegedly accounts for five of the top 10 most-watched college football games in television history). Doug, if you actually weren't "invited" to be honorary leprechaun, just remember that Team Harold lives in South Bend and half of that team is a lawyer.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Dauphne Trenholm hopes to put on the mantle next to her Ramon Antonio Escobar Prize for Literature (thanks to her selection of "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time"), select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday. Note that the Red River Rivalry is played at a neutral site called the Cotton Bowl, a place Arkansas fans used to occasionally visit in the days of yore.

Cincinnati - South Florida
6:45 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: Cincinnati by 3

The Heartland Trophy Game
Iowa - Wisconsin
11 a.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Wisconsin by 2

AT&T Red River Rivalry
Oklahoma - Texas
11 a.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Texas by 3

Battle for the Jeweled Shillelagh
USC - Notre Dame
2:30 p.m., Saturday, NBC
Line: USC by 10
* Underdog worth four points

Virginia Tech - Georgia Tech
5 p.m., Saturday, ESPN2
Line: Virginia Tech by 3

Good luck.
****#****

New Auburn Vehicle

It was great to see Auburn get pounded into the ground last week. I'm sure the War Eagle Van
has seen better days. With the ipod or mp3 players you can still hear Disco Duck on the trip.
I don't believe they make Conversion Vans anymore so here is a haiku on what they will have to
get.

Auburn vehicle
The new War Eagle Prius
Fans are going green.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Get it right, beady-eyed commissioner

By Lonesome Traveler

I totally agree with this Jay Mariotti column on Fanhouse. I've never seen such a plethora of awful missed calls. Get it right. Use replay. It's just that simple to me.

The worst baseball commissioner in the history of the game is quoted in this article as saying, "Baseball is not the kind of game to have interminable delays."

Please. Have you watched a game lately Commissioner with your beady eyes? They drag on forever, especially with the extra minute of playoff commercials added to the games to put more money in your coffers.

And, oh sure, having a challenge like in the ice bowl at Denver the other night that was already a four-hour-plus game would make any difference.

To me the number one problem with baseball is the length of the games. By the time the pitcher eventually throws a pitch after the batter has stepped out to scratch his nuts and the infielders come in to the mound to discuss strategy for the tenth time, the game just bogs down. Besides replay, I think a timer should be put on the pitch once the pitcher receives the ball from the catcher. I don't think the batter should be able to step out of the box to adjust his gloves or whatever on every pitch either. I think a requirement should be if you want to step back, you must keep one foot in the box at all times or failure to do so would result in a strike.

If a pitcher fails to meet the time limit, it's a ball. If it's on ball three, it's a walk.

I think infielders should be allowed only one visit to the mound an inning. That's what signs are for. And I think the fake throw to third by the pitcher, who then whirls to first to try and fool the runner, should be outlawed. It's a balk anyway if you go by the rules. A balk is described as a move that deceives the runner. That's totally what that move is all about. To deceive or fake the runner at first, which then is a balk.

Little things like that could be trimmed from the game, but while trimming is going on how about shearing out completely the designated hitter. That's not baseball, and not the way the game was designed to be played. It would also trim back bean balls in the American League and wean out guys who can do nothing but hit. Sorry, that's not a baseball player. Your time's up.

And my time is up.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Ramon's Escoblog: Week 6

(Introducing a new gimmick inspired by Fire Mouse. Reading time: 42 seconds) -- It: The 18 people who got a 5-0. Not it: The 17 of those not named Mr. Wells... It: What "Coach Broyle" said. Not it: What Trey Davis's e-mails said... It: Razorback fans finally rewarded with a 5-0. Not it: Auburn fans picking against Alabama... It: The Visorettes. Not it: The Hat... It: Kirk's theorem. Not it: Kirk's football picks... It: Randi Parker with her first 5-0 in three years. Not it: The School of Noise with a 1-4... It: Death Valley on a Saturday night. Not it: Whatever they do in Iowa on a Saturday night... It: Tommy Tuberville to Florida State. Not it: Tommy Tuberville to a return to Jerry Jones' skybox... It: The NFL Three. Not it: The Springdale Five... It: Chip Caray doing college football. Not it: TBS doing all the baseball... It: Shields named Beth and Robert. Not it: Shields named Kay and Dave... It: Letters to Ramon. Not it: Letters about Raman... It: Chubb Rock. Not it: Cherub Rock... It: The e-mail design competition. Not it: Sal's Blackberry... It: My mom. Not it: Your momma.

Letters to Ramon: Week 6 postscript

"I blame the loss completely on Ryan for jinxing us by picking us in the pool and saying we'd kick Arkansas' arse." -- Seve Chang

"Is Mr. Wells paying you off?" -- BR Shields

"Is Steve Wells betting on football games? Because if he isn’t, he needs to and tell me who he is picking so I can make some $$$." -- Joe C.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Post from Auburn board about TigerTail Van and Arkansas


The Tigertail Van


that is part of my signature was a photograph taken as it was parked at a private residence before the 2005 Auburn at Arkansas game.

During the game the tail and van was set afire by an 18 year old female. She set fire to the tail and van on a dare from her friends. She was not a student at the University of Arkansas but a relative of the owner of the property on which we parked the van.

She was caught, admitted her guilt and made restitution through community service (my ok). Much credit has to go to the University of Arkansas Police for their immediate response and dilligence to find the individual responsible. The county DA followed up with felony charges against the woman/female/drunk who took the dare and committed the crime which was a chargable offense in Arkansas.

To the credit of the Arkansas Fans. They sent money to offset the cost to replace the tail, which was reconstructed and displayed at that year's Auburn-bamer game.

I have huge respect for the Arkansas fans. They sent their apologies by the dozens through personal e-mail messages, telephone calls and letters/notes. Credit has to go to Jason Herbert for his actions as the Jerry Lewis of the Tailathon Drive to replace the Tigertail.

I make a simple request of those of you making the trip. Speak kindly to the Hog fans as most are a class act for their response related to the Tail Burning.

One More note to exhibit the class of the Administration of the University of Arkansas. I received a personal telephone call from the AD, Frank Broyles and a letter of apology from the President of the University even though the act was not committed on the campus.

Due to my wife's immediate needs, I will be unable to make this weeks visit. We are unsure if the Tigertail Van will make the trip. It's up to the other three members of the Tigertail Team.

Ya'll pull us through. I am too darn old to play and I have retired from coaching, but I assure you all that I'll be advising Gus and Ted from my Auburn chair Sat. Morning. I'm sure both will take my suggestions.
Lee Snyder (Tigertail or Tigertail2)

Clinton Avenue in Little Rock Named
One of America's 10 Great Streets

The American Planning Association announced Wednesday that President Clinton Avenue in Little Rock had been designated one of 10 Great Streets for 2009 by the association's Great Places in America program.

Suck it, Springdale.




Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Five Things

1. And now, we reach "The Most Pivotal Game in the Razorbacks' Season!" Again. For the second or third time, depending on who is talking.

We know Fort Smith's coaching wunderkind Gus Malzahn (aka the man done wrong by Broyles and Nutt) has turned the Auburn WarPlainsEagles' offense around in less than a season. Yes, we know Fort Smith's Kodi Burns has become an Auburn legend for his speech about team unity after being moved to WR and Wildcat QB before the season started.

But that takes a backseat to the real news about this game - it's starting at 11 a.m.

Not 11:30 a.m. as SEC fans grew used to thanks to the Jefferson Pilot games with the Three Daves. Thirty minutes earlier than that.

When the SEC's big TV deal with ESPN was announced Hog fans (and other SEC types) celebrated. They dreamed of evening games on ESPN or ESPN2. Nobody realized some weeks the game would kickoff before some restaurants quit serving breakfast.

Even worse than the kickoff time itself might be the slugs assigned by ESPN to work the game. Dave Pasch, Bob Griese and Chris Spielman are so far down the ESPN roster in quality, viewers will be begging for Dave, Dave and Dave to storm the booth.

2. Dez Bryant ruled ineligible? Well, time to break out this old chestnut.



3. Miami plays Florida A&M this week in a game that will be more notable for what happens AFTER the final whistle. The FAMU band will play at halftime and postgame.

“I’ll be watching it,” said Miami head coach Randy Shannon, who helped hatch the idea for the after-game festivities. “It’s very rare that you get an opportunity to play a team like Florida A&M. And then you get a band to perform that everybody knows about. After enjoying a game and coaching in a game like that, you can’t miss out on enjoying that band.”



4. Recurring Items

The SportsJournalists.com Top 25 is here.

AwfulAnnouncing.com provides us with the announcers' schedule here and the Pammy Awards for idiotic TV announcing comments here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (+3) beat Auburn?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... even though the Magic 8 Ball is 4-3 this season.)

NWA 1, LR 0

Well, actually, it's NWA 94 and Little Rock 150 in the Sporting News' Best Sports City list.

And even worse for Little Rock, Jonesboogie came in at 131.

http://www.sportingnews.com/general/article/2009-10-06/best-sports-city-list

E-mail designs of the week

Vote for your favorite.












Seminole Memory Lane

By John Kriz

Tradition is one reason I love college football over pro football even though my Denver Broncos are undefeated after beating Dallas on Sunday. (Shhhhh, Dallas fans around here second only to Razorback fans.) Hmmmm, maybe I should make sure my life insurance is in order. But I digress.

One thing that I think is pretty cool is a tradition that is knows as the Sod Cemetery at the Florida State football practice fields. A tradition began in 1962 when FSU returned from Athens, Georgia, with a chunk of sod signifying a major upset. Since that humble beginning, major upsets, significant victories, and bowl wins are declared "Sod Games" and celebrated with a piece of sod from the stadium after the victory.

The victorious sod slices are interred in a hedged cemetery plot complete with headstone. I know that you really want to know what were the sod games when yours truly donned the Garnet and Gold. Wonder no more...

1977
FSU 25 Oklahoma State 17
FSU 34 Florida 9
FSU 40 Texas Tech 17 (Tangerine Bowl)

1978
FSU 28 Syracuse 0

1979
FSU 31 Arizona State 3
FSU 24 LSU 19
FSU 27 Florida 16

Just because and I feel I need to make amends for the Gator pick and cleanse my soul, my freshman class in 1977 NEVER lost to the Gators. Oh I feel so redeemed!! Go Noles beat Georgia Tech!!

Letters to Ramon: Week 6

"Hopefully I can turn it around, but Mr. Wells has almost doubled my score already. Damn. Nebraska–Missouri: I don’t know much about these two teams. Last year I would have said Mizzou, but I just don’t know. Hopefully Brent Musberger won’t announce the game so he can spare us his obsession with the Black Shirts. Auburn–Arkansas: I want to go on record and say I don’t like Petrino and his mid-major attitude toward defense. I didn’t like Nutt because his on-field presence (or lack thereof) leads to undisciplined bone-head plays, but at least we played D. Somebody needs to inform Petrino that scoring 45 points does you no good if your opponent scores 50." -- Jeff G.

"Auburn-Arkansas: I was impressed with what I saw regarding Auburn the other night even though Arkansas kicked some Aggie rump in Dallas. I don't think the Hog's can keep up with the Auburn offensive juggernaut... yet. BTW, Auburn is in such an isolated place in Alabama, I am convinced it was the inspiration for Field Of Dreams... they built it and they have come! Alabama-Ole Miss: Too many anti-Nutters here... I actually like the guy and think he is a great coach. Nutt somehow finds a way in at least one huge game a year to have a major upset (can you say Gators --- teee, heee!!) However, this ain't the week." -- J. Kriz

"How 'bout them Saints? Who Dat!" -- Josh M.

"Hell, just put me down for whatever Steve Wells has! And DAMN YOU for putting Arkansas in the pool! I can't pick against them, no matter who I think is going to win. It's a recessive 'female' gene that forces me to go with my heart over my head." -- Alex T.

"Nebraska - This could be a close game due to Mizzou's home field advantage but after seeing who Mizzou has played to become undefeated at this point, it's easier to pick Neb due to their pitiful schedule. They could be like the undefeated Tex A&M heading into the Ark game. Oregon - O wins due to UCLA's QB Prince's broken jaw and him not being about to call the plays in the huddle or do the snap count. Shout out to John "The Captain" Vratsinas and his team's impressive victory over the fighting red wolves of Jonesboro. Also, Chizik actually beat Iowa while at Iowa State his first year. War Eagle!" -- Seve Chang

"Wells has assumed god-like status in this pool. He's now coming to my office on Tuesdays wondering why I have not yet placed the games in his mailbox. I do hope his streak continues... I remember when he won the Classix and took his English class out for pizza on his winnings. When Wells is around, victory smells like good food..." -- Steve S.

"Does anybody else think that Lee Corso has lost a step? He's not so fast anymore, my friend. He and Lou Holtz are gonna be put out to pasture soon. Go Hogs! I'm a believer. Don't let me down." -- Aggie Mark

"Man ... 0-5 last week ... ouch. I'm going against my initial reaction to this week's picks and see where that gets me. And if I go 0-5 this week, I might as well hand my responsibilities over to David Kersey." -- Wuje the Elder

"Winner = Arkansas (with a little more sugar this Kool-Aid will taste good)." -- David M.

"It's a coming out party for Arkansas as we go undefeated the rest of the year. BTW I don’t know what I am smoking but it is some good stuff." -- Joe C.

"Well, I guaranteed that I wouldn't go 0-5 last week... barely got it with a 1-4." -- Cory I.

"This has been the worst year for me. I have not won more than two games a week. I cannot believe it but I guess I have to keep trying." -- Broderick

"I can still see my name in the standings without scrolling. Sorta like being on page 1 of a Google search." -- Danny K.

"I'll s##t in my pants if Arkansas wins, but gotta make the pick." -- DJ U-Explicit Johnson

"I can’t believe I forgot to send in the picks again. I SUCK! And I even went 4-1 last week. I really needed that." -- Mike G.

"Oregon... seriously, I thought we discussed this last weekend. I guess you were too sauced to remember, but I was fairly clear about Clemson or any Oregon school being in this pool!" -- Dr. Aristotle Ditka

"I'm picking some upsets in a desperate bid to catch Mr. Wells. I'm not real comfortable with it, but why not? He told me his secret, 'I only pick the teams I want to win' and then uses magic. Like Harry Potter magic." -- Jeremy P.

"Gotta make this quick as Sue wants to go out and grab something to eat. My picks, hopefully better than lately since I'm not over thinking them, are as follows: 1) Missouri (for no other reason than they had more Confereates during the distant War of Northern Agression); 2)Auburn (putting my mouth where my money is); 3) Alabama (dad gum it, Ole Miss is just too undependable to pick them as an upset, no matter what I really want to happen, and I'm tired of Lee's post weekend smack talk); 4) UCLA (because I'm stubborn about not picking these quackers); and 5) Florida (because if we don't win the west I want some one capable of beating them to be at the SEC Championship game). Watch out Fayetteville, I have it on well-qualified authority born in Arkansas that we're going to beat the Hogs at home again, this time by 3 touchdowns since the Hiogs can't stop a cold." -- Big O

"As suggested by the Walmart greeter: Missouri, Auburn, Bama, Oregon, Florida" -- Professor Rab

"I am once again not picking the Razorback Game." -- Brendan O.

This week's games

If Lee Corso puts on a Gator head at the end of Gameday, I fear for his safety in Baton Rouge because few fan bases tailgate it up like the LSU faithful and by the time it's Saturday night in Tiger Stadium, one of the great atmospheres in college football, some fans are going to be chanting Tiger bait in Corso's direction. It might even be Mike Parker. That's just one story line from another fantastic weekend of college football, which includes Steve Wujek ready to ring the Victory Bell for Mizzou, Malzahn's return to Fayetteville where the Hogs must win to prevent going 0-4 in the SEC, Nutt's Rebels attempting an ambush in Oxford, and a mysterious "Off" line for the Ducks, already a pool favorite without this problem.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Geoff Hicks plans to use as a paper weight for his vast collection of foreign currency, some of which was mysteriously dropped off at my front door as some kind of bribe (I've always wanted a euro and a rupee but it will take a lot more than one), select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 7 p.m. Thursday.

Battle for the Victory Bell
Nebraska - Missouri
8 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: Nebraska by 3

Auburn - Arkansas
11 a.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Auburn by 2

Alabama - Ole Miss
2:30 p.m., Saturday, CBS
Line: Alabama by 6
* Underdog worth three points

Oregon - UCLA
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Off

Florida - LSU
7 p.m., Saturday, CBS
Line: Florida by 7
* Underdog worth three points

Good luck.
****#****

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Pre-game haiku

Last week, I was called out for not having a pre-game haiku for the
Texas A&M game. This week I have one for Auburn. Sometimes
you have to be careful what you wish for.
Auburn is coming
Restrooms will smell like a dump
Please flush the toilets.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Letters to Ramon: Week 5 postscript

"You know, technically, I think the LSU game shouldn't count against me given the latest news." -- Andrew D.

"I'd like it noted that I am tied for the lead or lead outright for the Verizon Cup AND the Davis Cup. I must enjoy it now while it lasts because it usually doesn't." -- Trey D.

"It is a lame excuse, but tell it to the bride." -- Mitchell G.

"I would never take a chance and tell the All Mighty Grand Master what to consider, but just for kicks consider this possibility. Course I know Sophie gets tired of putting her paw down on the games in the newspaper to make the picks and I wouldn't want to rattle her. But, have you ever done a five-game all SEC Bonanza Pick Fest? Actually I don't think you have. But if you ever were going to, this would be the weekend with five very intriguing contests." -- Larry B.

"It’s amazing what Wells is doing. The vast majority of the pool this year is below 500. I have to believe the law of averages will start to catch up with him." -- BR Shields

"Nice work. But that should be 15 hours by the toilet." -- DJ Rubber Gloves

"I'd like it noted that I'm trying to be a good father and let my children win - ha. Also, Lee bribed me with a ticket to the Army/Navy game in Philly this year... now if I could only get into my Army greens." -- Big O

"Start looking around for a good spot for Cigar Bill's. And if you know of some Eagle Scouts..." -- Mike P.

"Congrats to the Razorbacks. Clearly playing A&M vs. Texas was a good business decision. WTF is with this Wells dude? He’s gotta to come back to earth." -- Yo Sal

"Matt, this stuff is great!! Thanks for all your work corraling this merry band of Yahoo's!! I am having a blast! Now if my picks could reflect that same enjoyment!" -- J. Kriz

"Glad you all had a great time in DFW. The stadium is amazing - we took the tour in July and there is so much to it besides the stuff that's visible... it's like a mini city. Headed back there on Monday to see U2 - can't wait for that!" -- Jimmie D.

E-mail design of the week

Bits and pieces

After a relaxing three-day weekend in the woods, one comes back to earth and reality.
Arkansas won Saturday night in Texas.
Lots of people went, or so I read in the papers, and the Razorbacks won handily.
It was a "must-win" game for them, or so everyone says.
This week is another "must-win"" game for them, or so everyone says.
Gots me.
I figured Arkansas would be 2-2 at this point and then reel off three consecutive losses before righting the ship against Eastern Michigan on Halloween.
After listening to the game on the radio, I didn't hear anything that would dissuade me from that.
It sounded like the defense played better. It sounded like the receivers didn't drop passes that hit them in the hands.
That's a good thing.
Here's the bad thing: I'm still don't Willy Robinson will have his job next season. I still don't think that Mallett is a truly great quarterback. I think he has a superb arm, but being a quarterback is more than being able to sling it 70 yards. If that was the case everyone would still remember Major Harris and he'd be in the Hall of Fame.

A few random observations
ISP, what's that?: Honestly, if you listen to the game on the radio, you will hear about ISP about 10,000 times. Also of note, non-ISP schools don't get radio snippets, just the score. That includes other SEC schools. It does get a little irritating though, when all you want to hear is the score and they are giving you an audio highlight.

Chuck and Keith: Did you know that Keith Jackson is available for public speaking engagements? If you didn't, that means you have never listened to a game on the radio. I don't much care for Jackson. I think he's a fake. Pretty clear his son didn't buy in.

Deep in the Heart O' Texas: The stars shine bright, deep in the night, etc, etc. One game in Dallas doesn't mean that Arkansas will sign the top 10 high school players in the Metroplex. But that is the wishful thinking that normally comes with all things Arkansas.

Headed to the hills: The Bits and Pieces girlfriend (BPG) has decided its time to take her first trip to and also her first game in Fayetteville this weekend. (HINT: I need tickets!) BPG is from northeast Arkansas, never made the trip up and didn't spend a minute in the University of Arkansas system, but yet, somehow, is still a Razorbacks fan. I blame going to a non-football playing liberal arts college and then off to Oxford for her master's. And by Oxford, I mean Ole Miss. She also despises Nutt, at least most days. She reads the blog. She thinks I'm nuts. Hi Honey *waves*

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The post that causes Matt to punch a wall

SmartFootball.com on Gus Malzahn ...

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Deconstructing-Auburn-s-Malzahn-at-the-gates-a?urn=ncaaf,193416

This week's games

Among the categories of underdogs, favorites, home teams, and visiting teams, which would you guess would have netted you the most points after the first four weeks of the season? According to the crack analysis by Mike Griffin, the correct answer in this wild season is underdogs at 26 points, followed by home teams at 25 points, visiting teams at 21 points, and in last place, favorites at 20 points. Way to go, Vegas.

Here's another interesting week to challenge the experts and cause celebration or cursing on Saturday night. For the big buckage of $800 and the prestigious Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Mike Parker plans to spray paint purple and then add a yellow LSU across it Hollywood Hogan style, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by the end of Friday. I am going to something called the Southwest Classic this weekend, so I won't be sending confirmation e-mails as of this afternoon. I like Arkansas by a bad call in this game, by the way.

LSU - Georgia
2:30 p.m., Saturday, CBS
Line: Georgia by 3

Florida State - Boston College
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN
Line: Florida State by 4

Auburn - Tennessee
6:45 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Tennessee by 1

USC - California
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: USC by 5
* Underdog worth three points

Oklahoma - Miami
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 7
* Underdog worth three points

Good luck.
****#****

One Excuse for Loss

This is the excuse the Razorbacks were badly beaten last Saturday:
Blame it on swine flu
Excuse for Razorbacks loss
Coaches in hot water.