Five Things

1. Yet another "Most Important Game in the Razorbacks Season" is upon us.

But does anybody care?

Following that cupcake last Saturday (bonus points if you stayed for the entire game or even watched the entire game) and combined with the 11:21 a.m. kickoff, there is little to no buzz for this game. Perhaps it'll pick up by breakfast on Saturday. We'll see.

This is actually a dangerous time for the UA when it comes to losing the fans.

Next week, Troy plays at Fayetteville. As if playing a Sunbelt team in November isn't bad enough, Nov. 14 is the opening day of deer season (modern firearm) in Arkansas. So tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) will be wearing blaze orange and camo that day instead of cardinal and cream or red and white or whatever it is you call Razorback colors.

Arkansas better win this Saturday or whatever enthusiasm for this football season will be on the verge of slipping away entirely.

2. The South Will Rise Again

Over at Ole Miss, Houston Nutt continues to be the luckiest coach in the SEC. Instead of fans discussing how the Rebels went from top 5 to unranked, from manhandling Arkansas to getting whipped by Auburn, they're focused on this foofaraw about "From Dixie with love" (a bastardized version of "American Trilogy" by Elvis) and how students yell "The South Will Rise Again!" during it.

Background here ... http://www.ajc.com/sports/uga/ole-miss-may-drop-184268.html

Shepard Smith, Fox News and Ole Miss alum, weighs in ... http://sharing.theflip.com/session/05fa6bb33a230502020f4f90ef349de5/video/7100423

The defenders of such practices always trot out the "It's celebrating our heritage, not hate." Fine. Then to celebrate my heritage at Saturday's Arkansas game, I'll be ambushing people traveling on I-540 and scalping the victims. It's about heritage, not hate. The Cherokees Will Rise Again!

3. Hognoxious has nothing on this Mountain West fan ...



4. Recurring Items

SportsJournalists.com Top 25 link is here.

AwfulAnnouncing provides college football announcers' schedules here and the Pammy Award update is here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (-7) cover the spread against South Carolina?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since the Magic 8 Ball is 6-5 this season.)

Five Things

1. The most amusing part of the aftermath of Saturday was the excuse-making.

Arkansas' inability to play pass defense has made some fans choke while trying to keep swigging the Bobby Petrino Kool-Aid. Actually, it's not even Petrino-Aid. It's Willy Robinson Kool-Aid.

Petrino's offense performed admirably and excitingly. Ryan Mallet, a future NFL first-rounder, was impressive.

But, it seems nobody told Arkansas defense they can cover receivers between the hash marks. Whenever the Ginger Ninja Joe Cox needed a completion, he looked straight down the middle of the field, and invariably there was a wide open Bulldog.

While some blame the officials for tossing Jerry Franklin (kids, never touch an official, not even on accident, after your first unsportsmanlike penalty), the fault goes to Robinson.

I fear he's in over his head. Sure, he was an NFL coach. Sure, he was an assistant with the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers. But he was a position coach and not running the whole show on D.

Ellis Johnson left Petrino in a lurch. Petrino grabbed the first guy he could to be the DC. When Petrino hires his next defensive coordinator (after this season), he needs to make a better selection than Robinson.

Because in the SEC, you've got to have a solid defense. Unlike whatever also-ran conference Louisville was in during Petrino's time, you just can't get by with a great offense and a sub-par defense in the SEC.


2. Tulsa's new mascot totally sucks




3. Arkansas makes Deadspin's FAILgate feature!

New Year's Day, 2007: Wisconsin is playing Arkansas in the Outback Bowl in Orlando, FL. About 15 guys from my fraternity at and me make the trip down for a long weekend of general debauchery and to watch the Badgers.

Whoever holds a bowl game on New Year's Day should realize what they're asking for. My friends and I woke up in the single hotel room we were all sharing still hammered from New Year's Eve the night before in order to prep for the noon kickoff. A few just powered through the whole night and didn't go to bed, amazingly. Before we left our hotel, we attempted to spell out some sort of message across our chests in paint (I believe we were going for "On Wisconsin" but the whole day is hazy). However, some were too drunk to properly write letters, so the whole idea was scrapped and a few of us headed out with big red blotches on their bodies and faces. We looked like a retarded version of one of the clans from Braveheart.

Having never been to Orlando before, we weren't sure where the best place to tailgate would be. The least-drunk among us took charge and commandeered a few taxis with the instructions to a) find the nearest liquor store so we could stock up and then b) drop us off by the stadium. Once we secured booze, we arrived at the Citrus Bowl and started looking for a good place to set up shop. Again, we were all still hammered from the night before, so instead of doing the sensible thing and joining up with other Badger fans, we spotted a children's playground directly across from the stadium. The swings and jungle gym and slides seemed like the ideal spot to set up a base. The best part about the location was that it was right in the middle of the path that everyone going to the game had to take in order to walk into the stadium. I will never forget the looks on some of the moms' and dads' faces as they walked by us: 15 young men who failed at body painting, swinging around on a children's playground while chugging openly from plastic handles of Fleischmann's vodka.

I believe the attached picture sums up the day nicely. Notice the confused/terrified expressions on the kids faces.

FAILgate Stories


4. Recurring Items

The SportsJournalists.com poll is located here.

Your Week 3 Pammy nominees are here and your Week 4 TV announcer assignments are here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas cover the spread (currently +15.5) at Alabama?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-2 this season - since Shields did bring up the GSD before the end of the month.)

Five Things

Brought to you by Five Guys Burgers and Fries, opening soon in North Little Rock (LR 1, NWA 0) ...

1. I think I'm conflicted about the University of Arkansas pay-per-views.

Once again, if you ponied up good money to watch a UA PPV, you were disappointed. If you were on Cox Cable, you missed the first 20 minutes of the game. If you weren't on Cox Cable, you saw a "Touchdown Falcons!" graphic after one Razorback score and a "Touchdown Cardinal!" graphic after another one. That's right, somebody with ISP put the names of Bobby Petrino's two previous employers into the graphics for the Arkansas game.

That said, the PPV does enable fans not willing to subject themselves to the hellhole that is War Memorial Stadium filled with drunks from Powhatan or Minturn on a water-logged golf course. So, the PPV has that going for it. But that ain't sayin' much.

2. I think that all football players should learn from the Oregon-Boise State debacle.

LeGarrette Blount's cheap shot of a Boise State player following the Fightin' Phil Knights loss on the Smurf Turf should be talked about in every college football locker room. No, the lesson is not "Don't let your emotions cause you to flip out, make a stupid mistake and ruin your career." It's also not "Fighting with your teammates is worse than fighting with the opposing team."

No, the lesson to be learned was taught by the punchee, Boise's Byron Hout, not the puncher.

Kids, always wear your helmet on the field. You never known when it'll come in handy.

Bonus Lesson: If you throw a blindside punch, make sure you knock the other guy smooth out. Hout immediately got to his feet and, if not for 50 people in the way, would have killed Blount.

3. I think this might be offensive, but it's too funny not to post ...



(Thanks EDSBS!)

4. I absolutely know ESPN/ABC will make me loathe Kenny Chesney.

Why, exactly, does college football need some popular musical act playing a custom song? Does anybody think "Holy crap, I wasn't planning on watching FSU-Miami, but gooooooolly there's Kenny Chesney!!!"

Now I know what you're thinking. Scott, you think, you already hate Chesney because you're a Parrothead and Chesney is like a mini-me version of Buffett with less talent and even less hair. He's drafting off Buffett's wake, so you hate him. Point taken.

But I'm also a huge DMB fan* and I abs-freakin'-lutely hate using music and video from the band's new album as bumper music.

What really hacks me off more than anything, however, is that I can see more music videos while watching 12 hours of ESPN college football coverage than I can in 24 hours of watching MTV or VH1.

I WANT MY MTV (Circa 1986, before "The Real World" started America on a downward spiral to reality TV hell.)

* - Who'll be at Dickey-Stephens for the show with Gregg Allman? Meet for beers at the Irish pub before the show? Also, note to Poolsville editors, "Five Things" will be a day or two late that week.

5. As always ...

Your weekly Pammy Standings from Awful Announcing are here.

The SportsJournalists.com Top 25 is available here.

M8B Prediction

Since Arkansas is off this week, we turn to the biggest game of the weekend: Will USC beat Ohio State?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 1-1 this season - though it still expects Shields to bring up the GSD before the month ends.)

Stay classy, Arkansas fans

Somewhat NSFW, since it's a fan deep-throating a hot dog.

Why would you A) do that B) do it in front of a camera and C) post it to the Intrawebs for the world to see?