Five Things

This week's Five Things (aka Things I Think I Think) is brought to you by ...




1. The wailing and gnashing of teeth you heard last Saturday was from Arkansas fans. Seems Alabama knows how to play some defense, and therefore shut down Ryan Mallet (aka the only SEC QB less mobile than a potted plant).

But it's odd there was such a commotion over that loss.

Did anybody really think Arkansas had a shot at beating Bama? And by "anybody" I mean "rational-thinking people who don't drink whatever flavor Kool-Aid is being served by the homers on the hill."

Arkansas is 1-2, with a lousy defense. An A&M team that loaded up on cupcakes so sweet it'd put every person in Cowboys Stadium into a diabetic coma looms on Saturday. Beat the Aggies and Arkansas is back on track for a 7-5 season and minor bowl game. Of course, given that defense, anything is possible ... including a loss Saturday.

2. The key to South Carolina's victory against Ole Miss ... The Nay-cha Boy!



3. Well, it is the medical term for it ...



4. Recurring Items

The SportsJournalists.com Top 25 is here.

The Pammy Award chronicles are here and your announcing schedule is here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (pick 'em) beat A&M at Jethro Jones' boondoggle of a stadium?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... even though the Magic 8 Ball is 4-2 this season.)

Picking all underdogs is the top category for point potential through Week 4

Analysis from Mike G.:

I knew it was a bad omen when they were predicting 6 inches of snow Tuesday night. When that didn’t materialize (just a dusting), I was relieved. When the picks came out, I thought for sure that we dodged the bad omen bullet... Then the scores started rolling in. Thank goodness that the “experts” had picked the Houston win correctly...

One small note:
Picking all dogs through week 4 would have you at (10-10) and 26 points.
Picking all home teams would put you at (12-8) and 25 points.
Picking all visiting teams would put you at (8-12) and 21 points.
Picking all faves would put you at (10-10) and 20 points.

So I (and many others) would be better off blindly picking than what I am doing.

Better Know A Haiku

I know Doug is partial to Auburn flatulence haikus, but wanted to make a special request for an Aggie haiku this week. Need some billboard material to get me pumped up for the game this weekend.
Gig 'em

Bits and pieces, Part 1

Nick-S's Blueprint 2: Dear Arkansas opponent, corner blitz and you'll sack that inmobile, statue of a quarterback every time. Love, Little Nicky.

Dead Man Walking: Willy Robinson, I hope you rented and didn't buy a house in Fayetteville, because you will not be on the staff next season. You may not finish this season at Arkansas, given the current pace of the defense

Dead Man Walking, Part 2: John L. Smith, now I see why Sparty Nation thinks you suck. I think the "L." stands for loser.

Quantum of Solace: At least the idiot nation can laugh and point at Ole Miss instead of realizing their own team's problems, namely Arkansas is looking less likely to be bowl eligible, because of a terrible defense and an offensive line that can't block.

What's a star worth: Huh, I thought that kid from Helena was a 5-star, can't miss future pro and he can't get any playing time in Arkansas's craptastic secondary. Also of note, all-pro linebacker Patrick Willis was a no-star prospect at the start of his senior season of high school. He ended up two stars, simply based on his signing with Ole Miss. Why are fans fixated on the star system?

Who wants to be in the top 5: LSU won, barely, but are they worthy of being No. 4, while Boise won as well, and will the poll reward a non-BCS team with a No. 5?

To be continued with Michael Dyer, Auburn, more Arkansas crappiness and why I'm a heel.

Robyn's e-mail design of the week

Anyone See the Arkansas - Carolina Game Last Night?

A college football genius who shall remain unnamed emailed the following observations to me this morning. How true, how true.

A promising young quarterback seemingly trying to run plays that were foreign to him, not suitable for his style.

A very high national ranking, lots riding on the game.

The usual assistant coaches in the box and on the sidelines.

The brothers-Nutt on the sideline biting nails.

Trick plays at the damnedest times -- times when they were not needed.

Strange penalties at crucial times.

Mindless timeouts called, also at crucial times.

An over-abundance of draw plays up the middle for the first 3 1/2 quarters, followed by some promising play in the last half of the 4th quarter that proved to be too little too late.

Strange post-game comments and analogies that seemed unrelated to the game just played.

The beginnings of a disgruntled fan base -- not because of the loss, but how the loss the occurred.

The only strange thing: Arkansas was wearing Ole Miss uniforms last night.

Instant Ole Miss postgame reaction/prediction

Losing at home
Nutt chews fingernails
He fails again

War Eagle Van

On this day in 1976, Disco Duck by Rick Dees had the #1 song on
the charts. This inspired an Auburn fan to buy a new van and a
new suit. The van had shag carpeting throughout and an 8-track
player. The suit was burnt orange with a big collar and vest.
He bought his boys matching suits to wear to the game.
The War Eagle van may have changed, but they still wear those
damn disco suits. You would think there is another National Lampoon's
Vacation movie coming out.
Here is my War Eagle Van haiku:
The War Eagle van
Don't strike a match in that thing
Needs fumigated.

Letters to Ramon: Week 4

"Having a religious aversion to anything Spurrier, I must go with those convictions and bestow my blessings on Ole Miss (a fine institution in spite of the fact they cannot spell 'Old'). What other team in the nation could wear their throwback unis from 1962 and folks wouldn't know the difference from their regular uniform? I ask you! Gotta go with Joe Pa on this one. No upset special from Dearth Valley. Thanks for doing this... I am having a blast. The smack talk is the best!" -- Seminole Prognosticator

"Last week I overanalyzed and had my worst week ever (ok, I've only been doing this for three weeks, but still). Prior to that my picks had been my first gut reaction. Hopefully Oregon doesn't ruin my weekend two weeks in a row." -- B. Reynolds

"I've tried to maintain the principle that I can win this pool by making the correct pick only 50% of the time. Obviously this isn't the year to try that strategy. Thanks, Mr. Wells! Bonus pick... Oregon's uniform will be pale yellow jerseys, black pants and black helmet. Maybe if Nike spent more time recruiting players instead of designers, Oregon would win the Pac 10 on the year USC decides not to compete." -- Lee D.

"I had a tough time picking the Ole Miss game. But my brother settled it by telling me the Ole Miss cheerleaders have whiter teeth than their counterparts for South Carolina, so therefore, they'll win. Can't argue with that logic." -- Jeff D.

"I think this is the first time Houston has been in this pool. I grew up with the Cougars as my favorite college football team. The first college football game I ever attended was in 1978, Houston vs Arkansas in the Astrodome. My Dad and I were impressed by how many Arkansas fans were there and the spirit they showed. I think the Arkansas QB then was Kevin Scanlon and his daughter Leigh is Grant's First Grade teacher. By the way, I am going 5-0 this week." -- Jerry W.

"Damn Dishongh, another hard pick in which I don't have a clue but I think Va Tech isn't 'all that,' they got lucky this past week. Iowa sucks as much as Vrat 'thought' Gene Chizik would." -- Seve Chang

"Ole Miss – Man, I want to go with SC real bad, but I don’t think Nutt’s bubble will burst this soon. It will burst, though. VTech – Both teams have done me right so far this year, which should be payback from years past. So I figure me and the ACC are even right now. I give the nod to the home team, but with serious reservations. Cal – if you want me to guess at every game, just keep putting in the Pac-10. PSU – no Iowa upset this year. TTech – what’s the over on this? 200? I’ll take it. PS - Is Sullivan allowed to go to public places to watch Red Raiders games or must he be quarantined for public safety reasons? Kinda like putting Cool Hand Luke in The Box before his mother’s funeral – just in case he had some rabbit in him." -- Jeff G.

"Oregon's coach is literally writing checks his team can't cash." -- Ryan H.

"Alert to Rocket fans: Tyler Campbell, Catholic High Class of 2009 and a true freshman at Ole Miss, is slated to be the starting punter in Thursday's game vs. South Carolina. It's the perfect scenario for Rocket fans who are Nutt haters: hope that Ole Miss has to punt a lot." -- Steve S.

"Let's see coach Mediocre keep OM in the Top 25 next season. His recruiting has been pitiful. No Arkansas game? I'm shocked. Take the Hogs and the points. Or wait until Rob Keys' gambling column appears on Arkansas Sports 360 and take his advice. He's a degenerate gambler. And I mean that in the best possible way." -- the guy Schaeffer's never heard of

"South Carolina - HUGE." -- Nathan N.

"I head to Clemson, SC this weekend to cheer on my Horned Frogs (1991 graduate)." -- Party P.

"Watch out for hospital food, it's full of mystery elements. They only exist
in hospitals." -- Uncle Rico

"I have a funny feeling that Iowa's gonna' beat Penn St... hope I don't regret not picking them!" -- Geoff H.

"We are in for a long season, I like the new slogan, 'Free Willy' as our defense looked not up to task for the SEC. I know that Franklin's departure left a void, but come on... What really pisses me off is all the so called fans saying, 'I never enjoyed a loss so much.' If they want to be entertained they should go watch the arena leagues. We gotta run the ball and pressure the QB. I like Mallett, but if our D does not pick up we are gonna kill our defense in every second half this year." -- Double R

"I will never pick Ole Piss (unless I think they will win)." -- Joe Ihatenutt

"Oregon -- if these quacks screw me again, I'm shunning them the rest of the year." -- Mr. Kentucky

"Are you sure it is the oatmeal, or maybe, just getting older." -- School of Noise

"Please tell Danny K that I wasn't aware that Cougar High was still in the running for the Texas High School Championship. But kudos on the big win over St. Pius X!" -- Vincent Kennedy Peppas

"Man, tough week. I'm way out of my league with so few SEC teams..." -- Hilary D.

"What will really add to the heel heat is Ole Miss going undefeated and playing for the national title, while Arkansas is 5-7 and locked out of a bowl. Fingers crossed." -- Shane-O Peppas

"David and Rob better get ready - they are going down or should I say further down!" -- Kay S.

"Looking forward to a Saturday when I can watch a bunch of ball games (on TV) rather than being out of town (even at my beloved Auburn) for the fourth straight weekend. My studied guesses are as follows: 1) South Carolina (upset special for you Nutters and proof I don't always pick my alma maters); 2) Miami (because if VaTech couldn't beat lil Satan, how can they expect to beat a respectable team coached by a very good coach with an impressive QB?); 3) California (because they're the better team in a much over-hyped conference); 4) Penn State (only a Hawkeye could believe otherwise); and Houston (because they have the better offense in an offensive show). Now, for the red meat issue - go Hogs go, beat Bama! And lastly, string Fineboob up for falsely and with malice aforethought attempting, unsuccessfully I might add, to smear Coach Trooper Taylor... will the Tuscalooser pimp not draw the line somewhere? Tata." -- Oscar

"Mark my words, if Oregon doesn't pull this off, I am done with them. I really like the Ducks but if they mess me up for the 3rd week in a row I'm washing my hands of them. Hog Note: Hopefully after the disappointing loss to the Bulldogs last week, good ol Coach Petrino will target the problem area (which includes any and all defensive players and coaching staff) and make necessary adjustments, changes, eliminations, etc. If good ol Coach Pertino will do what is necessary for the team or even possibly take over the defense for a little while, maybe... just maybe, the Hogs will come out on top against the Tide this weekend. With all that being said, I don't mean to come down on the Hog defense. This is not their first time on a field. The mistakes that are being made are sloppy and basic, but most of all fixable. With proper coaching and a little encouragement I think these guys can get the confidence they need to become a stronger defense. Regardless I will continue to keep the faith in my Hogs and after watching them play their last two games I know they are more than capable to put up some W's!" -- Randi P.

"Unfortunately, hectic week so no time for any attempt at commentary - but at least now I know Jeremy is not Mitchy's mom.... investigation pending." -- Jimmie D. of hazynation

"That was one motley herd I witnessed @ Monday Night Raw the other night..." -- Swim

"I hope SC beats the dog piss out of Ole Miss!!!!" -- William F.

"Wuje is a fan of Mizzou, Minnesota and LSU. Wuje dislikes Nebraska, Kansas and Lane Kiffin." -- Wuje

"Ole Piss Oregon The U Penn State Houston - Sometimes a visual is fitting..." -- Mike P.

"By the way, I have to defend my alma mater's mascot per the comment: 'Now on Poolsville: Scott Faldon's weekly five things says Tulsa's new mascot totally sucks.' Captain Cane has the best package in college sports!" -- Jerry W.

"And here's the hilarious story behind the new mascot: Colin Cane, a freshman at The University of Tulsa, worked in IT support at night to help pay his way through college. During an electrical storm one night, Colin was called to the TU sports complex to fix a malfunctioning satellite that was broadcasting a live game. Never again would he watch his favorite team in action as a mere mortal. As he adjusted the satellite, the roar of the crowd coursed through the transmitter just as it was zapped with static electricity from the storm. Colin became entangled in a web of cyber-athletic forces. The atmospheric oddity known as a 'binary vortex' mutated Colin over the course of several years. He eventually lost his hair but gained super-human powers. Thus he became Captain ‘Cane, a champion athlete and highly educated zealot of all things TU." -- Seve Chang

Seminole Memory Lane... or was that Nightmare on Elm Street?

By John Kriz

My freshman year we played LSU in Baton Rogue. Let me tell you, those Cajuns know how to throw a wild party. Well, it just happened to be one of those games where the opposition seemed to do everything right and we did everything wrong. It was the fourth quarter, end of the game and somehow I happened to be noticed sitting on the end of the bench. “Get in there Kriz.”

The helmet went on, the legs started churning. I was pretty excited to say the least! Then it hit me… We were on defense. I was an offensive tackle. (Yeah, I heard all the jokes about being offensive!) They called the defensive formation and set. It was as if the linebacker who made the call was speaking Swahili. I asked my fellow lineman what I was to do and he simply looked at me as if I were speaking Swahili!

Well, at least I did know that when the ball was snapped I am supposed to do my darndest to tackle the person who has it. The ball was snapped and off I went. For reasons unknown but to God, I was untouched and in the backfield looking into the eyes of a running back and the football. Here is my moment of glory. Flashes of my induction speech into the Pro Football Hall of Fame were beginning to take shape. My future would be in professional football.

Alas, it was not to be. The running back ran wide and as if in slow motion – which by the way, my coaches would refer to as my standard speed – the running back turned up field for a large gain. His jersey so close but yet so far. End of game.

Fast forward 24 hours. We are watching films of the Death Valley Debacle (Halloween didn’t have nearly the horror scene that those films had that evening) when the coach said, “Hey look. We have a new player going in.” A vaguely familiar form was seen waddling on to the field. “Let’s see what Kriz can do. Yes, my almost but not quite moment of glory flashed on the screen – much to my chagrin.

Of course coaches at this moment are to spew forth wisdom and instruct to help players improve. But nooooo, not this time! “Oh Kriz, you almost got him. Hey lets see if he can get him this time.” Rewind. Replay. “Darn, missed him again.” “How about now?” Rewind. Replay. Well, at least I was able to provide a little comic relief to my teammates.

NEXT WEEK -- THE CEMETERY

This week's games

Such is Joe Chu's dislike for Houston Nutt that I believe at one time he tried to legally change his name to Joe Ihatenutt. Or maybe that was just his e-mail address. With Ole Miss making its pool debut this week in the fourth Thursday game in a row, the question is, can Joe and others with such a passionate dislike of Nutt bring themselves to go with the Rebels (ranked No. 4 in the AP poll), or do they go against them all season and hope to take that much more pleasure in a defeat? Also making their debuts in the pool this week are John Vratsinas's Hawkeyes, John Sullivan's Red Raiders, and Danny Koteras's Cougars. So blame them if you pick any of those teams and they lose. Be sure to note the bonus points available from Iowa if you are looking for a big score. Also, there's the unpredictable ACC game of the week. You guys just be glad the TCU-Clemson games isn't on TV and thus ineligible to make the list of games.

So for $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which Janis Morrow plans to place next to her autographed picture of Sarah Palin, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Friday.

Ole Miss - South Carolina
6:45 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: Ole Miss by 3

Miami - Virginia Tech
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN
Line: Miami by 2

California - Oregon
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: California by 6
* Underdog worth three points

Iowa - Penn State
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Penn State by 9
* Underdog worth four points

Texas Tech - Houston
8:15 p.m., Saturday, ESPN2
Line: Houston by 1

Good luck.
***#***

Similar to the scene at Ryan's house Saturday

Five Things

1. The most amusing part of the aftermath of Saturday was the excuse-making.

Arkansas' inability to play pass defense has made some fans choke while trying to keep swigging the Bobby Petrino Kool-Aid. Actually, it's not even Petrino-Aid. It's Willy Robinson Kool-Aid.

Petrino's offense performed admirably and excitingly. Ryan Mallet, a future NFL first-rounder, was impressive.

But, it seems nobody told Arkansas defense they can cover receivers between the hash marks. Whenever the Ginger Ninja Joe Cox needed a completion, he looked straight down the middle of the field, and invariably there was a wide open Bulldog.

While some blame the officials for tossing Jerry Franklin (kids, never touch an official, not even on accident, after your first unsportsmanlike penalty), the fault goes to Robinson.

I fear he's in over his head. Sure, he was an NFL coach. Sure, he was an assistant with the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers. But he was a position coach and not running the whole show on D.

Ellis Johnson left Petrino in a lurch. Petrino grabbed the first guy he could to be the DC. When Petrino hires his next defensive coordinator (after this season), he needs to make a better selection than Robinson.

Because in the SEC, you've got to have a solid defense. Unlike whatever also-ran conference Louisville was in during Petrino's time, you just can't get by with a great offense and a sub-par defense in the SEC.


2. Tulsa's new mascot totally sucks




3. Arkansas makes Deadspin's FAILgate feature!

New Year's Day, 2007: Wisconsin is playing Arkansas in the Outback Bowl in Orlando, FL. About 15 guys from my fraternity at and me make the trip down for a long weekend of general debauchery and to watch the Badgers.

Whoever holds a bowl game on New Year's Day should realize what they're asking for. My friends and I woke up in the single hotel room we were all sharing still hammered from New Year's Eve the night before in order to prep for the noon kickoff. A few just powered through the whole night and didn't go to bed, amazingly. Before we left our hotel, we attempted to spell out some sort of message across our chests in paint (I believe we were going for "On Wisconsin" but the whole day is hazy). However, some were too drunk to properly write letters, so the whole idea was scrapped and a few of us headed out with big red blotches on their bodies and faces. We looked like a retarded version of one of the clans from Braveheart.

Having never been to Orlando before, we weren't sure where the best place to tailgate would be. The least-drunk among us took charge and commandeered a few taxis with the instructions to a) find the nearest liquor store so we could stock up and then b) drop us off by the stadium. Once we secured booze, we arrived at the Citrus Bowl and started looking for a good place to set up shop. Again, we were all still hammered from the night before, so instead of doing the sensible thing and joining up with other Badger fans, we spotted a children's playground directly across from the stadium. The swings and jungle gym and slides seemed like the ideal spot to set up a base. The best part about the location was that it was right in the middle of the path that everyone going to the game had to take in order to walk into the stadium. I will never forget the looks on some of the moms' and dads' faces as they walked by us: 15 young men who failed at body painting, swinging around on a children's playground while chugging openly from plastic handles of Fleischmann's vodka.

I believe the attached picture sums up the day nicely. Notice the confused/terrified expressions on the kids faces.

FAILgate Stories


4. Recurring Items

The SportsJournalists.com poll is located here.

Your Week 3 Pammy nominees are here and your Week 4 TV announcer assignments are here.

5. M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas cover the spread (currently +15.5) at Alabama?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-2 this season - since Shields did bring up the GSD before the end of the month.)

Letters to Ramon: Week 3 postscript

"I would like it if someone could calculate the odds of having only 8 points after submitting picks on all fifteen games to date. Son of a bitch!" -- Glenn B.

"Don't forget about the Davis Cup and the Verizon Cup (featuring Jerry, Brian, Gary, Ryan, and myself)." -- Trey D.

Chris Fowler mocks Clemson fan

One of the best things in the world is finding the "live feed" from the booth to the production truck. Because when you find it, you get gems like this ...

Oregon coach Chip Kelly rocks

Why?

Because of this.

Shootout on the horizon

From SI.com
• The early scouting report on Arkansas: quarterback Ryan Mallett is as good as advertised (he threw for 408 yards and five touchdowns against Georgia to remain the nation's pass-efficiency leader), but Bobby Petrino's defense is horr-i-ble. With his various ailments behind him, Dawgs quarterback Joe Cox spent the bulk of the night lofting passes down field to wide-open receivers (resulting in five TDs) in a 52-41 win.
• Texas A&M has quietly undergone a massive offensive overhaul after Mike Sherman installed a no-huddle attack. Quarterback Jerod Johnson and the Aggies rank No. 1 nationally at 589.5 yards per game following wins over New Mexico and Utah State. However, A&M also gave up 521 yards to Utah State and ranks 86th in total defense. In two weeks, they face ... Arkansas. Hello, shootout.

Bits and pieces

Huh, Arkansas lost? Really, I hadn't heard: The hardcores noted during the Nutt-mania that they'd rather have Arkansas lose but still pass for 400 yards. They got their wish. Of course the defense, as usual, gives up 500 yards and all those passing yards and touchdowns don't mean squat when you lose.

Now for a little word on the obvious: The defense is terrible. And will be terrible for the rest of the season. But that's like an Arkansas tradition. Only the hardest of the hardcores won't admit that in terms of offense, Arkansas hasn't had a problem going back the last decade. It may not have been balanced like they would have liked, but the offense put up Tecmo Bowl like numbers. It was the defense that had trouble. Mostly because Arkansas couldn't get the athletes the other schools had and were playing people out of position. Linebackers at other schools were playing end at Arkansas and so forth and so on. Just undersized and lacking in the speed. Just look at the string of DCs who stretch back over the years: Reggie Herring, Willy Robinson, that other guy and then that other guy. You get the idea. Until the defense comes together and starts getting better recruits and better coaches. Arkansas will continue to lose.

Holy Toledo: You may have noticed Arkansas got a meaningless verbal commitment from a high school player in Florida. A wondrous athlete, of course, and he plays linebacker and a little bit of everything on offense, in Florida, so he must be good, right? Arkansas beat out the likes of Toledo (of Ohio) and no one else for his services. Yep, that's right, Toledo, the same place that the guy, Jamie Farr, who wore a dress on MASH, was from. That's all I know about Toledo but it seems that beating out the likes of Toledo for a prospect isn't putting Arkansas on the path to success. The kid might grow into a dandy, but, for now, the prediction for Arkansas's defense future is: Not good, again.

The Nutt-ys would have been out in full force: Former coach Houston Nutt took an amazing amount of criticism for signing players like the Florida kid and not getting the state's top prospects to stay at home. Yet Petrino, who has yet to get Michael Dyer budge from his anyone but Arkansas stance, hasn't caught the heat. Huh? I know about the honeymoon and all but I just wonder when it will come. Maybe this year if Arkansas limps to 5-7 or worse.

Hey dumb dumb: Jerry Franklin. Some were quick to note, not ESPN, that missing Arkansas's leading tackler from last season might be a problem for the Hogs against Georgia on Saturday night. Yeah, it wasn't good he was gone, but he was on the field and supposedly in coverage against the tight end, who caught Georgia's first score. Franklin's ejection might have screwed the pooch on that interception, but it didn't cost Arkansas the game.

Sexy teacher?: What look was Erin Andrews going for on Saturday night? Glasses, hair up, hair done and seriously, how tall is she? Doing the post-game with Joe Cox and she's not much shorter than him. He's listed at 6-feet-1-inches. I didn't much care for Andrews. Her lack of sideline reporting, you know, her job, from the game was seriously lacking.

Jeff Schultz's e-mail address is: Atlanta columnist Jeff Schultz does a prediction column on Friday. His take on the Arkansas-Georgia game: "Arkansas fans believe Petrino is there to stay. The rest of the world of the world is thinking: They can have him. He's 9-17 as a head coach since he stopped playing South Florida." Ouch and the record is now 9-18. Schultz might still be a little angry over the whole Falcons debacle but he makes a decent point that Petrino's Louisville record was cupcake fortified.

John Bob isn't related to Jim Bob: John Bob Reaves isn't a name Arkansas fans know because Arkansas fans have no knowledge of the SEC prior to 1992. Anyway the Orlando Sentinel had a nice look at Reaves, a former Florida and professional quarterback, who also happens to be a recovering alcoholic. More critically, Reaves is the father of Layla Kiffin, she of stripper boot fame, and the wife of Lane Kiffin. He brother is also, and Reaves's son, is also Tennessee's quarterbacks coach. Because of his addictions, Reaves and his children had a falling out. But they came back together after Reaves went into rehab. A trip that was partially funded by friends and former teammates, including some guy named Steve Spurrier.

On the road again: USC lost on the road and in the conference, again, on Saturday. Naturally this means that USC is out of the running for the national title because of the loss. A loss that is doubly loaded because of the perception of Pac-10 weakness. I'd argue that the Pac-10 is a better conference than the SEC heads give it credit for.

Seriously, what's the deal: USC with a potential national title on the line and not playing well on offense. Starting quarterback is out, backup is looking shaky and Pete Carroll still doesn't play Mitch Mustain? Really? Honestly something is weird out in Carroll's kingdom and nobody can seem to explain it. Carroll would rather lose to Washington than play Mustain. It doesn't get any stranger.

BCS buster busted: Poor BYU flying so high, only to be taken down so hard by Florida State. Whoa. Worse, it wasn't even competitive.

Da Bears: UCA beat Western Kentucky, on the road, on Saturday. You're next Glenville State!

Who am I: Not Mitchy's mom. Look hard at the photo of the Escobar Trophy and you'll see JEREMY PEPPAS as the winner, which makes me smarter than ya'll. Note: I've been told to play the part of the "heel" the term for wrestling's bad guy to generate more angry e-mails that will create greater amusement for Matt, because he likes to laugh. So while I'd prefer to be Junk Yard Dog (JYD, RIP) I will instead be the Iron Sheik. *shrug*

Robyn's e-mail of the week

No one in the pool turns in their picks in an e-mail so "prettily" designed for a football pool. Above is Robyn's creation for Week 3 incorporating an ice cream theme.



And this is Brendan's e-mail, which I especially note because of his tradition of refusing to pick any game involving Arkansas.

Letters to Ramon: Week 3

"I don't like picking against the Hogs except when they play Auburn, but they have played one game against a high school. Georgia has played 2 decent teams. Advantage: Georgia." -- Trey D.

"First, define 'back'... If you mean can we when a non-conference game on the road against a ranked opponent, I'm not sure i'm ready to predict that since they haven't done it in over 8 years. However, I do pick them to win because i'm a true fan that doesn't pick against his team... The Arkansas game is a toss up... Given my performance thus far, i'm going with the Jerry Wild method and pick against my initial gut..." -- Ryan H.

"Kool-Aid! Oh yeeeeah! Actually, I pick Arkansas because I think Cox is hurt and won't be effective." -- Scott F.

"Gotta play the homer on the Hogs this week!" -- Mark W.

"Good luck - is for [expletive deleted]" -- E-Man

"The Catholic High Rockets (currently ranked #5 in the state) take on the dangerous Ft. Smith Northside Grizzlies at War Memorial on Friday night. Kickoff is set for 7 pm. All good Catholic boys should come to the aid of their school and attend in force. See you there." -- Steve S.

"I have wasted some serious company resources this week and I think I have the Pool site almost where it needs to be. I am going to go ahead and run it in parallel this season (entering all the picks myself) to make sure it all works." -- Mike G.

"Well done this week - these games do inspire cursing." -- Robb O.

"This is too hard!" -- LB

"Thanks Matt. Nothing like a night of Wipeout and Crash Course And football picks." -- My D.

"BTW Arkansas will win by 2 TD's!" -- Joe C.

"Could you pick a tougher set of games!!!!! GO HOGS, WAR EAGLE and see you tonight for TT3!!!" -- William F.

"Imma gonna let you finish, but those were some of the best picks of all time. OF ALL TIME!" -- Ryan H.

"I considered replying to all like we have seen this week, but since my picks have been embarrassing I will keep my mouth shut. I did only miss 2 NFL games against the spread Week 1, but I suck at college games." -- Mark H.

"I don't think Pabst is on special at Brownings anymore, only Schlitz (50¢). Old Style, Stag, and Pearl Light are $1. The House, formerly Sufficient Grounds, and Dam Good Pies have $1 PBR every day, all day." -- Chris O. with the beer report

"Thank God Ben sent this out as a reply all or I wouldn't have gotten the email. Much to my dismay, the Hogs have burnt me too much in the past but I can't get over how bad Georgia looked. I know I am going to kick myself for this one." -- Van Damme

"Ahhh, the joys of football. Can it get any better than this... the sport of Kings!!! Now the winning picks for this are... Hmmm, if I were to pick Miami, that might make the FSU loss a bit more palatable... naw... Going with those killer bee's of Georgia Tech for the upset! Grain fed vs moonshine??? I love a great steak.... NEBRASKA. Ducks? Utes? Yikes! UTAH for absolutely no reason at all. Cincinnati looked awfully good against Rutgers.... Rutgers? Oh well... CINCINNATI. Being vastly outnumbered and because I am completely surrounded by Razorback fans.... ARKANSAS. Just because I am sure you really wanted to know... FSU upsets BYU this weekend. Hey, I'm loyal what can I say!!" -- J. Kriz

"Miami looked good against that sorry Seminole team. I would like Miami a lot more if this game was at the old Orange Bowl. I love Ga Tech option game, but still you have to be able to throw some and Nesbitt last week was like 1 out of 20. Those are just wasted plays and if he can’t throw just leave it on the ground every play. Some time in the not so distant future, some new coach is going to break out the old veer and all the talking heads are going to tout him as some innovative genius because he wrote a book about it. Va Tech is good. Nebraska will never be good again until they return to the option I and 32 Dive is the play call ever other down. The line people must have been drinking late when they came up with the line for the Oregon Utah game. I think it’s a close game but Oregon by 4 - what up. Oregon is even playing without their starting running back in Blount. I think Vegas knows something like Blount is really going to play just in a different named jersey. Oregon State is one tough place to play on the road for a team east of the Mississippi coming out of Ohio. Pike is a very good QB at Cincy, but were not talking about playing at Howard in this game. Georgia/Arkansas is the toughest game to pick even without the emotional attachment and that’s why ESPN is showing the game. I am going with Arkansas because I think Mallett is just that good. He will be the difference in the game plus he has a decent cast on offense around him. The only reason that I have jitters with this pick is because its in Fayetteville. Pat Forde on the radio liked the Hogs because they were at home. He does not know the history. I would like this game much better if it was at Little Rock." -- BR Shields

"Matt: Unlike others, I'm sending my picks to you, and you alone. Trey and I are leaving shortly in the WarrrEagle van, flags awaving, as we take it to the Mounteneers on hopefully dry Saturday evening. Here are my selections: 1) Miami (because I wasn't overly impressed with the Rambling Wreck against Clemson and they're playing in Miami); 2) Nebraska (because Va Tech didn't deliver against Bama, but please don't let former Law School Dean - now merely Professor- Bob Walsh know I ever picked Nebraska as he'd never let me live it down); 3) Utah (because they beat Bama last Sugar Bowl and don't get much respect for it, especially from little - and I mean shorty - Coach Satan who blame's Bama's supporters and because I think the Pac 12 is over rated); 4) Cincinnati (because they really impressed me watching them earlier this season and the Pac 12 being over rated); and 5) Arkansas ( no reason - although I would normally go with the Dawgs until their less than impressive two previous games - other than perhaps for surprise purposes). Go Big Blue - that's AU notwithstanding our predominate orange appearance in the stands on TV. That'll be Trey and me yelling, win or lose, right above the right goal post top in the North end zone Saturday evening." -- Oscar

"Am i going to win? 5 of 5? Let me know in advance, so i can change them if need be.... ok?" -- The Original Josh

"If I had to pick one team that is my nemesis in this pool, it is without a doubt VTech. I correctly called them to lose vs Bama, but they were outclassed and on the road (or at least away from Blacksburg). I don’t think Nebraska is ready to win this kind of game. Cincy - Can’t say I'm a fan, but I see them as this year's Texas Tech minus John Sullivan." -- Jeff G.

"My pick? -- fire Aristotle!" -- Steve N.

"Uuuuggggghhhh!!!!!!!! It's so depressing! I was happy to see them come back in the fourth quarter, but I knew when they tried to throw the ball instead of run it on that last drive before Michigan scored again we were done! They just don't have that spark that they used to. It's more enjoyable to watch them this year because they at least show up, but Clausen just doesn't have the drive Quinn had. Oh well. Around here they say the program started to go down hill once they expanded the stadium so that you can no longer see Touchdown Jesus from it. I don't even think TD Jesus looks all that exciting... but I guess the god of money is not as generous in bestowing the program with winning records." -- Team Harold

"Matt, I didn't get either of your original e-mails... must be getting stuck in my Spam Filter. Thankfully, with everyone's colorful remarks, I was able to get the picks and respond accordingly. I'm predicting lots of upsets this week and look forward to ushering in The Week of The Bizzoso - which will help get me back on the map." -- The Biz

"Thank you for the warning about the cursing out loud. It was a useful warning. And now to start drinking the Big Daddy grape wine and commiserate over another session of bad picks." -- Kate D.

"I'd just like to point out for those folks that went 5-0 or 4-1 last week that all of those games went down to the final minutes (or seconds); they could have easily gone 1-4 or 0-5 (like me), so they all need to get down off their freakin high horse and quit hatin... that's right, I'm looking at you Mr. Wells. And I think I've figured out this Jeremy Peppas character. He is really Mitch Mustain's mom. How else can you explain his intense disdain for the Razorbacks? But he (or should I say 'she') could be Nutt's jilted ex-girlfriend/news reporter (allegedly). If Jeremy is Mustain's mom, she should be pretty excited these days. If one more QB goes down at USC, her boy may actually get to play. I say 'may' cause Carroll would probably put one of O'Brien's Song Girls in before he allows Mustain to get some playing time.... not that there is anything wrong with that." -- Jimmie D.

"Our game should be a good one. Let's hope Mallet can pick apart that GA secondary... they didn't look all that great against SC. If we can manage a couple of defensive stops, we should be able to out score those Dawgs..." -- Porkchop Butler

"Sports Gods, I defy you to reverse the whip on my Georgia pick. Show us your power. Prove me wrong as you have done so many times in the past." -- Mike P.

"WOO-PIG-SOOIE!!!! (I am a firm believer in having a little faith in something. I think that if I have a little faith in my Hogs, they will give the Bulldogs a great game and come out on top! Too bad everyone does not share in my faith and loyalty to the Arkansas Razorbacks. It's okay though, maybe after this win 'others' will see the light and have their faith restored, or one can only hope.)" -- Randi

Beware of the Bearcats this season

I have always hated Cincinnati football... until this year. Maybe the stigma of Bob Huggins has finally washed off. Anyway, I kind of dig this commercial.

US Senate Run

Why is a run for the US Senate being posted on Poolsville? Thats
because Linda McMahon (wife of WWE President Vince McMahon),
is running for the US Senate seat in Connecuit. She will run on the
Republican Candidate against Sen. Chris Dodd in 2010.

Kanye Haiku

After the stunt Kanye West pulled this past week, I came up with a haiku
about it. Auburn fans don't think I've forgotten about you, just wait.
MTV drama
Kanye was called a JACKA$$
Taylor Swift was robbed.

This week's games

Please remember as you read the list of games for this week that cursing is frowned upon in the professional workplace. Yes, Thursday night means it's time for another installment of the unpredictable ACC game of the week. Time to break out the Ouija board again, Senor Dailey. This could be a challenge. I ask again, Ryan Harris, is Nebraska back? Or should I ask if the Big 12 can beat anyone in a big game out of conference? The only thing I can figure on the line for the Oregon game is that somebody knows something, and what they know is that Oregon is breaking out the glow-in-the-dark uniforms for this one. And it's time for Georgia and Arkansas, a game that could make or break the season for both teams. Time to see what the Hogs have got. Personally, I will be consulting Grunty's dingpot for my picks this week.

For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which would look perfect lined up with Moose Thomas's collection of empty Big Daddy wine bottles, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday.

Georgia Tech - Miami
6:45 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: Miami by 4

Nebraska - Virginia Tech
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN2
Line: Virginia Tech by 4

Utah - Oregon
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Oregon by 4

Cincinnati - Oregon State
5:45 p.m., Saturday, Fox Sports Net
Line: Pick 'em

Georgia - Arkansas
6:45 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Arkansas by 1

Good luck.
****#****

Kanye the Jack A$$! (I agree with Obama)

Five Things

1. And so now Arkansas finally starts the college football season. While the rest of the NCAA has played two or three games by now, the Razorbacks have yet to play a game. It's an odd bit of schedul ...

What? That Missouri State game counted!?! For reals? Learn something new every day.

Anyway, as I was saying ... we don't know anything about this Arkansas team. Despite that game two weeks ago.

Fanboi loosers are already saying this is the pivotal game of the season. Of course, they say that thinking Arkansas will win. And that always amuses me, because if it's a pivotal game and Arkansas loses ... well, they immediately deem the Alabama or Texas A&M or Ole Miss or Troy as "the turning point game of the season!"

Maybe, just maybe, we should wait until after the season to pronounce what game was the turning point of the year. Nah, that's no fun. Now for the pivotal enumerated point in this post ...

2. You know who most regrets Arkansas not having a football game last week?



3. How on Earth have no stories from the War Memorial Stadium tailgates made Deadspin yet?

4. Photo Whimsy!

Auburn fans are Michael Dyer (hit trolling!) stalkers and can't spell.



Naughty!



(I still like EDSBS's "Ginger Ninja" for Cox.)

Lose the game, win the tailgate ... with the coach's wife!



Ladies (or gentlemen with experience in such areas) can I get a ruling ... stripper shoes or not?

What's Spurrier going to do?



5. Recurring Items

This week's SportsJournalists.com poll is here.

This week's Pammys at AwfulAnnouncing.com are here and your Week 3 announcing crew assignments are here.

M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas (currently a 1-point favorite) cover the spread against Georgia this Saturday?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 2-1 this season - though it still expects Shields to bring up the GSD before the month ends.)

Red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish

Back by popular request, no really, I got an e-mail asking where this was.
Who knew?
After reading the some of the responses, I thought the Piggie fans were going to march on my house with pitchforks and torches and maybe the did. I was in Orlando, so who know who swung by?
*shrug*

Since I was traveling, and didn't want to drop the $14.95 for internet access at Orlando's Rosen Shingle Creek Resort — stupid name, but a really nice place, I didn't post on Sunday. Sorry Fan! Or should it be Fan(s)?

So now it is Monday and in a tribute to the great Scott Faldon, who shamelessly ripped off the less-great Peter King, Five things I think I think:

1) Arkansas is going to lose to Georgia — big. Did anyone catch the Georgia-South Carolina game? After marching around Islands of Adventure, exhaustion caught up with us, and we camped out in the hotel for some football. Georgia is good and, at this point, simply better than Arkansas. The same can be said of South Carolina, but they might slide towards the end of the season. Both teams have better QBs than Arkansas and the laughable notion that Tyler Wilson is somehow the fourth best QB in the SEC despite the fact that he had to learn to take a snap from center when he got to Fayetteville. If he's really that good, why stay? So he could get switched to tight end like the kid from Camden who was the next great, in-state quarterback, who never managed to play quarterback at Arkansas.

2) Ohio State should switch to pink as the team color or maybe Tressel's vest should be pink from now on. You kick a field goal when it is 4th and 1 on the 1-yard line and then you end up losing down the stretch. Carroll had no trouble going for it, and USC won. That's what winner do, go for it. Ohio State deserved to lose and ESPN's Herbstreit should have cut loose on him but he didn't. Huh, I wonder why he didn't? Oh, Herbie played at Ohio State, still lives in Columbus and his kids all wear OSU gear when they go to games with their dad? Moving on.

3) Arkansas will win one of its next six games and that's all. I'm looking at you Texas A&M. Ring up loses to Georgia, 'Bama, Auburn, Florida and Ole Miss. Five and seven is looking more and more right. The swing game is South Carolina. Who knows where the 'Cocks heads will be at then?

4) A hardcore Razorback fan, who I know, had some unkind words for me when I pointed he was more worried about how Snead played at Ole Miss against Memphis than how Arkansas did. Isn't it about time for the hardcores to let Nutt go and move on? But now, much like the gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain, they "just can't quit" Nutt. Stem the rose indeed.

5) Seuss Land rules! This isn't something I think, this is something I know.

Letters to Ramon: Week 2 postscript

"I'm home today because Corey has the flu. I just called him in here to look at the standings. He goes, 'Why are some of the people in red?' I said, 'Because they went 5-0 this week.' He goes, 'Jerks.'" -- Danny K.

"Since when did MTV start showing videos?" -- Lee D.

"And really man..... I was shocked..... how did you know? That's so rich what you said about me thinking it was a 'gimme' week, and exactly true. You could feel it apparently. I honestly thought with great confidence I would go 5-0 and except for some totally non-inventive shit play calling...... 'OK let's run it up the gut again from the 3,' Tennessee might have scored to ice its game. I'll take the 4-1 though any time. (Try and make them harder next time.) Man, Margot is rocking." -- LB

"My money finally got in the mail Saturday. I think the delay in sending it is why the Irish lost to an average Michigan team. Now that it's sent, they should be able to go undefeated the rest of the way." -- B. Wujek

A guide for visiting West Virginia fans

(picked this up from a free Auburn message board, apparently the WVU fans weren't too hospitable last year to traveling Auburn fans - AJ)

Welcome to Auburn! We hope you guys have a great weekend, of course going home with an loss.

1. This is Toomer's Corner, we role it with Toilet Paper after we win. On the opposite corner of the tree is Toomer's Drugs, who has world famous lemonade.



2. Samford Hall, the beautiful administration building of Auburn University.


3. Jordan Hare Stadium, the stadium in which you will watch the game, holds 87,451. Truly one of the great atmospheres in college football.


4. Shoes: You wear them on your feet for protection. Some places will not serve you in Auburn if you don't wear these, so stock up on groceries (or vittles as you may know them) before you come.


5. Electricity: don't worry about this, just make sure you don't stick your fingers, tongue, anything metal, or genitalia in these.


6. Teeth: Now I'm sure you guys remember these, you probably even have a few, but in the modern world, we hold on to our teeth through a process called "dental hygiene" which should arrive in your state any decade now.


7. Soap: Don't bother, its a good product, but it can't work miracles.


8. Running Water and indoor plumbing. This is going to be a tough one. If there is a hole in the ground outside, that does NOT mean it's okay to use the bathroom there. Try and put your waste in one of these.

jOklahoma T-Shirt

Week 2: Awards for e-mail design

Letters to Ramon: Week 2

"UCLA - Tennessee. How can you go against the team that Leroy Jethro Gibbs of NCIS fame once quarterbacked??? I am going with UCLA. Besides, he is married to Pam Dawber -- had a crush on her when she was on 'Mork and Mindy.' SEMINOLE FACT OF THE WEEK: They actually started the spear thing my soph year -- ride up, rile up the crowd, spear the turf, and ride off. Well for the Florida game that year he mixed it up just a tad.... he rode up, jumped off the horse, put the spear over his head, pumped it, turned around, pumped it to the other side, and then jumped back on the horse from behind on the horse's honches. That place was absolutely maddening. We kick off, Fla fumbles it, we get it in the end zone for a touchdown. We kick off, on their first play, fumble, two plays later touchdown. We scored again, 21-0 at the end of the 1st quarter. Ok, so it was 21-21 at the end of the second quarter but we did win the game. Stuff like that is what makes college football so much fun." -- J. Kriz

"Notre Dame - I cannot for the life of me believe I'm picking ND. I still hope they lose! I hate picking all favorites but sometimes that's the way the ball bounces when you pick 1-4 each week." -- Trey D.

"Crap - Trey picked the exact same teams I did, which means my picks are destined to be wrong! Thanks Trey!" -- B. Reynolds

"As always, my strategy this year is not to win the contest, but turn in a better performance than my dear friend Tom Huber!" -- The Bizz

"I don't know how much time you spend administrating the pool, but it seems like there would likely be a CHS alum who could build an online interface that would streamline the process for us. I'm thinking of a system that allows you to input the games of the week, then each of us simply fills out an online form, checking the appropriate team we think will win. Then, you would punch in the winners, and the system would automatically calculate the results for each player (and keep a running tab of the overall stats of each player)." -- Jeff D.

"Yeah, I’m an ND hater and proud of it. You can add to that list, in no particular order, the Cubs, the Cowboys, Tony Kornheiser, and Kyle Busch. I don’t like picking the Vols (unless it’s their women’s basketball team. Candace Parker can take me to the hoop anytime) but I just don’t see UCLA coming into Knoxville and doing anything. USC-Ohio State -- This one is not a gimme. SC lost a lot of talent on D, so we’ll see if Pryor can move the ball. If I’m SC, I sit back and make him throw. I don’t think he’s far enough along to make consistently good decisions yet. And yes, I like the Song Girls too. But they need to lose the tights they wear. I want bare legs – like Candace Parker’s." -- Jeff G.

"I have been looking at a way to modernize the pool entry (end make it a LOT easier to run). I found this software for an NFL pool and am working to adapt it to our needs. Check this out: http://users4.jabry.com/CerneyPool/userLogin.asp. I will need to strip out a lot of the stuff that may be good for the NFL pool but suck for our pool (like listing the open dates and evaluating the winner based on the spread). But it is a good starting point. Since we have such a hodgepodge of talent in your pool, do you know if anyone is an ASP programmer? I’m a techie and am stumbling through it. But a real programmer might have an easier time of it." -- Mike G.

"Thanks for the shout out this week. It's at least two more weeks before I drop out, though..." -- Hilary D.

"Ohio state - freshman qb... On the road... National tv... Game over..." -- Ryan H.

"Not drinking the kool-aid yet with the Hogs! It does look a little promising, but let me see how our o-line holds up and Mallett delivers against an SEC defense. We will be better, just not sure how much it will translate into wins. Right now I see 7 wins, but am on hold a bit to see the GA game." -- Ron R.

"I dislike Thursday games. And I double dislike Clemson -- heads up, I am picking against Clemson so they are guaranteed to win." -- Kate D.

"I'm going to call the upset in the UGA/USCe game on the side. TOBC takes this one close... but I don't have the balls to call it on the pickem at a record of 2-3. UGA should win but are poised to start 0-3 if they can't handle the pressure cooker they are already under. Look for Joe Cox to come out of the game at some point putting the game squarely on the shoulders of the D." -- Mike P.

"And who is this Jeremy Peppas character? I was checking out Poolsville and caught his 'Bits and Pieces from Saturday' that should have been titled 'Bits and Pieces of my Shitty, Uninformed Opinions from Saturday.' I was with him until I got to the kool-aid drinker part... did he watch the same game I did on Saturday? Has his head been in an ass the past 5-6 years? I'll be the first to say I'm a homer, but to say Mallet looked wooden (despite no sacks, and his running out of the pocket to throw a nice alley-oop pass for a nice gain), and to call Petrino a poor coach is laughable. His resume at Louisville isn't enough? And what he did last year with a new system, bunch of freshman, and player dissention? Wow, that dude is a Hog hater big time. Can't wait to read his future Bits and Pieces of Shit. :-)" -- Jim D.

"Having done so well last week, I think I'll rethink my method for picks this week as I get ready to start eating those 30+ pounds of shrimp we brought back from Gulfport. They are as follows: 1) Georgia Tech (we're the only real tiger paw town); 2) Michigan (Catholic education has all my money I can afford); 3) Tennessee (Glad I don't have to listen to Rocky Top at their stadium this weekend); 4) Georgia (but certainly not by much); and 5) USC (the Big 10 isn't your Big 10 of decades ago). I'll wave to you from our end zone when we outscore last year's team against State by scoring the first of hopefully many TDs." -- Oscar

"Ohio State defeats USC - I just think all the hype about Mitch Mustain is overblown." -- Glenn B.

"Hinchey better be right." -- O'Brien

"Making my picks from sunny central Florida. I may be on vacation from work, but I'm not on vacation on my quest to win another Escobar Championship." -- the infamous Jeremy P.

"I noticed that you ignored the classic Iowa vs. Iowa St. matchup..." -- Yo Sal

Pool Insider: Standings revision

So Texas Tech megafan John Sullivan sent me an e-mail protesting his 0-0 in the standings and claimed he sent in his picks on time. Turns out he was right... and he got a 5-0. He sent me an e-mail with a time stamp of "September 2, 2009 8:41:34 AM CDT" that asked if there was room for one more person in the pool and instructed me to send him a PayPal invoice. Had I scrolled farther down I would have noticed that his picks for Week 1 were included in that e-mail. The standings have been officially revised to correct my error, so make that four people with a 5-0 in Week 1.

Letters to Ramon: Week 1 postscript

"What is Auburn’s fascination with this Dyer kid? I am not sure the Hogs are even actively recruiting the kid. He may be a great back, but at 5’8” I assume he is more in the line of a Michael Smith than a Darren McFadden. I know Trey has an interest because Dyer goes to his kids' school so it's probably pretty cool as this kid has to be that school's first major recruit. I would be interested in how the kid would fare in the state’s upper classification." -- BR

"I sold my tickets for sixty a piece to a couple from Rogers only after getting two lectures. One from a cop for blocking traffic while I was negotiating with a car on the street from the curb; the other from a fellow scalper. A guy who chastised me for my asking price and then started telling me with his experience..... blah, blah, blah. I told him to shut the f--- up. I saw him on the other side of the street after I sold them as I was headed home and he hollered across the way wanting to know if I got $75. I told him a little lower and flashed him a peace sign. We were cool. I loved what you wrote before the standings, but I can tell you were never a gambler. I can't tell you how many times I lost money, sometimes good money, over games ending just like Fla. State/Miami. It would kill me for days. Bobby Bowden said he thought it was a great game, despite the loss, and was quoted as saying he knew that might sound strange. Yeah Bobby it sounded strange. Screw him and the Seminoles. I wanted to win. And should have. I'm pissed." -- LB

"I just wonder what my score would have been if I actually would have spent time instead of firing it right back to you 30 seconds after receiving it. I will study it this week and see if there is a difference in my score. The funny thing is that I did not even get to enjoy the Miami victory. I sent it back to you so quickly that I forgot that I picked Miami. I was pulling for Florida State even though I do not like them. Then I see the results today and think you made a mistake tallying my score so I go back to my sent mail and see that I actually picked Miami. This week I study for the test and bring my round table of consultants together for the picks. Also, there is a new cup that is a competition between the four Shields in the pool. The name of the competition between the Shields clan in the pickem is called 'You Owe Me Etouffee.'" -- BR

"Man, that sucked for me..... but what a great game that was last night!!! At least I did better than Ben! And i'm losing the Shields Cup!!" -- Beth S.

"I came out alright last week. That FSU/Miami game was a classic. One writer quoted Bowden as stating it was the third-best game he’d ever seen and that was saying something since Bowden had been around for 80% of all games played - ever. A couple of comments about the Oregon/BSU game. First, I was wrong about the Oregon unis – they looked almost angelic with the all-white and the wings on the shoulders. Speaking of angelic, as much as Blount is being demonized for his meltdown, you have to respect the one-punch knockdown. A co-worker here likened Hout’s performance to Glass Joe in Punchout." -- Jeff G.

Keeping with the T-shirt theme...

Here's the perfect shirt for Kirkules Wilson the next time he attends a contest involving the local sports team. Get yours at The Onion.

This week's games

We've got a Thursday night game this week, and it's your favorite kind -- an ACC match-up involving Clemson, which has a long history in the pool of being the most unpredictable team to pick, this time against rival Georgia Tech. Also debuting in the pool this week is Chris O'Brien's favorite thing about college football, the USC Song Girls, which he paid tribute to in the banner image he created for the Poolsville blog. The Trojans, not led by third-string quarterback Mitch Mustain, whose mom thought Little Johnny should have been getting more passing opportunities as a freshman instead of handing the ball off to future NFL stars McFadden, Jones, and Hillis, head to Ohio State to see if the Vest can figure out a way to keep it close this time. And, this week features the Notre Dame Factor, which is a theory some pool participants have that says you should always pick against Notre Dame because of the contingent of Irish fans in the pool who will always pick with them for fear of having to go to confession as a result.

So for $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which haiku master Doug Virden hopes will one day sit next to his 2000 Hardcore Champion Trophy, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 6 p.m. Thursday. Remember, if for some reason you miss Thursday's game, you can still submit picks for the remaining Saturday games. (Note: All times Central.)

Clemson - Georgia Tech
6:30 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: Georgia Tech by 5
* Underdog worth three points

Notre Dame - Michigan
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Notre Dame by 3

UCLA - Tennessee
3 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Tennessee by 8
* Underdog worth three points

The Border Bash
South Carolina - Georgia
6 p.m., Saturday, ESPN2
Line: Georgia by 7
*Underdog worth three points

USC - Ohio State
7 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: USC by 6
* Underdog worth three points

Good luck.
*****#*****

Unauthorized Razorback Gear

OK, who is ordering one of these?



Bobby MF Petrino at RockCityOutfitters.com

Post Fight Haiku

After the fight Thurs. night, I had to come up with a haiku for it.
A fight in Boise,
Did RAW move to Thurs. nights?
Player suspended.

Five Things

Brought to you by Five Guys Burgers and Fries, opening soon in North Little Rock (LR 1, NWA 0) ...

1. I think I'm conflicted about the University of Arkansas pay-per-views.

Once again, if you ponied up good money to watch a UA PPV, you were disappointed. If you were on Cox Cable, you missed the first 20 minutes of the game. If you weren't on Cox Cable, you saw a "Touchdown Falcons!" graphic after one Razorback score and a "Touchdown Cardinal!" graphic after another one. That's right, somebody with ISP put the names of Bobby Petrino's two previous employers into the graphics for the Arkansas game.

That said, the PPV does enable fans not willing to subject themselves to the hellhole that is War Memorial Stadium filled with drunks from Powhatan or Minturn on a water-logged golf course. So, the PPV has that going for it. But that ain't sayin' much.

2. I think that all football players should learn from the Oregon-Boise State debacle.

LeGarrette Blount's cheap shot of a Boise State player following the Fightin' Phil Knights loss on the Smurf Turf should be talked about in every college football locker room. No, the lesson is not "Don't let your emotions cause you to flip out, make a stupid mistake and ruin your career." It's also not "Fighting with your teammates is worse than fighting with the opposing team."

No, the lesson to be learned was taught by the punchee, Boise's Byron Hout, not the puncher.

Kids, always wear your helmet on the field. You never known when it'll come in handy.

Bonus Lesson: If you throw a blindside punch, make sure you knock the other guy smooth out. Hout immediately got to his feet and, if not for 50 people in the way, would have killed Blount.

3. I think this might be offensive, but it's too funny not to post ...



(Thanks EDSBS!)

4. I absolutely know ESPN/ABC will make me loathe Kenny Chesney.

Why, exactly, does college football need some popular musical act playing a custom song? Does anybody think "Holy crap, I wasn't planning on watching FSU-Miami, but gooooooolly there's Kenny Chesney!!!"

Now I know what you're thinking. Scott, you think, you already hate Chesney because you're a Parrothead and Chesney is like a mini-me version of Buffett with less talent and even less hair. He's drafting off Buffett's wake, so you hate him. Point taken.

But I'm also a huge DMB fan* and I abs-freakin'-lutely hate using music and video from the band's new album as bumper music.

What really hacks me off more than anything, however, is that I can see more music videos while watching 12 hours of ESPN college football coverage than I can in 24 hours of watching MTV or VH1.

I WANT MY MTV (Circa 1986, before "The Real World" started America on a downward spiral to reality TV hell.)

* - Who'll be at Dickey-Stephens for the show with Gregg Allman? Meet for beers at the Irish pub before the show? Also, note to Poolsville editors, "Five Things" will be a day or two late that week.

5. As always ...

Your weekly Pammy Standings from Awful Announcing are here.

The SportsJournalists.com Top 25 is available here.

M8B Prediction

Since Arkansas is off this week, we turn to the biggest game of the weekend: Will USC beat Ohio State?



(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 1-1 this season - though it still expects Shields to bring up the GSD before the month ends.)

Bits and pieces from Saturday

Hoozah and Kudos

* Brigham Young: Upset No. 3 Oklahoma after the various ESPN talking heads said BYU had no chance and would get blown out. Oops. In fairness, taking Sam Bradford out, had something to do with the Coogs win. Of course it won't happen since the NCAA is more concerned about protecting the power conferences, but the lesser thans -- BYU, Boise State -- should all play in BCS bowls. They won't, of course, since the NCAA is more worried about the Big East and the weak ass ACC.

* Central Arkansas: The Bears sure look a lot better than when I played for them 20 years ago. Yes, yes, your humble blog poster is a former college football player, not a very good one, but I had a number and everything. Uriah Perry maintains the tradition of squatty, not very athletic players wearing No. 60. Perry's an actual nose guard, while I was just the guy who played nose guard on the scout team. Anyway, UCA looked like a team to beat when they faced Hawaii on Friday. Or Saturday since the game kicked off here at Midnight. I was deeply enthralled until I heard from her, "really? It is nearly One and you are still up?" With that, it was off to bed and the wonders of Tivo to watch it on Saturday morning. Good show Bears, the win was in hand until a breakdown in the final two minutes. *shrug* Just the way of life when I-AA teams play up. Northern Iowa got a taste of that against Iowa. Richmond beat Duke though, so there you go.

* Kool-aid drinkers: One cup of sugar, plus one packet of Kool-Aid makes water taste so much better. The same can be said of Razorback fans, who get a constant diet of sugary coverage instead of honest analysis. Arkansas isn't very good this year. Yeah, yeah, they beat (Southwest) Missouri State 48-10. Who cares? Tennessee played Western Kentucky, one year removed from I-AA and the Vols laid the smack down 63-0 and a bajillion yards of offense. I thought 6-6 before the season started, and I may downgrade to 5-7 or 4-8. Tejada can't make a kick to save his life. He'll cost Arkansas at least one game, maybe two this season. And let's face it, Petrino is a poor coach. He sells people on what he did at Louisville, but he has yet to show any kind of inovation or player development. The defense stinks. The offensive line is pieced together with converted tight ends and academic mysteries. A Baker's Dozen running backs and none stood out since they all got five carries each. Mallett, laughed out of Michigan, looked wooden and unable to evade the SMSU pass rush. what happens when Rolando McClain, or one of a dozen other top-flight linebackers come pouring throught that porous offense line?

* Little Rock: Arkansas loves the Razorbacks so much, War Memorial didn't sell out. As a matter of fact, we walked up and bought two tickets an hour before kickoff. The row we were on, was not full. Really makes you wonder. It used to be said the whole state was for the Razorbacks, but that isn't true, not anymore. You ask a kid nowadays and they might rattle of pro teams or another college as their favorite team. Part of the fan experience is being able to go to the game, but two tickts were $90, plus $10 to park, and another $20 at the concession stand for drinks, peanuts and a package of M&Ms. One hundred and twenty dollars to watch Arkansas and a I-AA play some sloppy football and I live a mile from the stadium. So what does that say for the people who live hundreds of miles away and have the option of watching top 10 teams play on TV for roughly free or driving to Little Rock or Fayetteville for hundreds of dollars and that assumes they don't need a hotel, that they can't get just for one night. Their parents may still worship the Pig, but their kids, they are so far removed from gameday they wouldn't know what to do. Oh, and one more thing, tickets are still available for the Arkansas-Texas A&M in Dallas. For the low, low price of $300, you can buy one ticket for the game. Family of four is looking at $1,200 plus handling charges. Parking is $75. Then you have a hotel that you'll have to pay for two nights, plus gas to drive, meals and snacks at the game. No thanks.

* Orlando: Going on vacation next week. Hope not to comeback, but I will. Please leave tips on things to do at Universal Studios in the comments section. The whole trip with two week-long passes to Universal, two roundtrip airfares and five nights of hotel will be cheaper than four tickets to Arkansas-Texas A&M. Huh, I wonder why people aren't falling all over themselves to get to that game.

* Recruiting: I'm told any mention of Michael Dyer makes the blog light up like Jennings Obsbourne's house used to do at Christmas. So there's your Michael Dyer reference. Michael Dyer. Micahel Dyer. Michael Dyer. Auburn. Ole Miss. Tennessee. Arkansas. Etc.

NOTE: I know the NCAA doesn't recognize I-AA anymore, but that's stupid and I won't make the switch.

*** BREAKING NEWS FROM USA TODAY ***

Week 1: Letters to Ramon

"I think it would be good to give a bit of historical background for those who don't know it re: the origins of the Ramon Escobar trophy. You know, a little about his life and legacy leading to the creation of this football pool and hallowed award." -- Brad C.

"Miami will never win again since they moved to the new Orange Bowl.
How long will it take for Michigan football to return? My guess a few more years and another coaching change. And thanks for Ryan Mallett." -- BR

"If I recall, though, I soundly beat you every year in this pool but let's let bygones be bygones." -- Trey to Jerry

"Well, sit down, spin around and spit twice -- a Thursday game and an ACC game. This is cruel to the power of 10." -- Kate D.

"For laughs, check out this article on Mustain: Mitch Mustain has become the invisible man at USC. That's OK by him, as long as he gets a legit shot in the NFL, Mark Kriegel says." -- Ron R.

"I've decided to by and large go against the spread, unless my gut tells me otherwise, for the first month, then back to going with the spread... we'll see how this goes." -- Alejandro O.

"I can't believe I'm going against the SEC....but I'm not feeling it with Georgia and Alabama this week. They both have something to prove on the offensive side of the ball in my opinion. I think Georgia's gonna get blown out and VT will win in a nail biter 10-7." -- Jim D. of hazynation

"Prior to leaving LR to travel to the again beautiful Mississippi Gulf Coast to join my '57 classmates as well as others graduating throughout the '50s, I am enclosing this semi-retiree's (a classification you omitted from your initial discourse) selections: (1) Boise State because almost anyone is better than Pac 10 teams, especially in the first games of the year; (2) Georgia because Auburn got OSU's best assistant coaches; (3) Virginia Tech because I like Hookies better than Tiders (and they will lose using Whoolio and others who should not be playing regardless of what the NCAA concluded and/or due to their undesciplined law enforecement violations); (4) Rutgers because their NJ govenorship looks like it will return to the Republican fold soon; and (5) Florida State because Papa Diddy wants to catch up with Papa Joe. Have fun this weekend and watch the first of 11 Auburn games to be televised this season on national tv." -- Big O

"Good, now that the newspaper business has finally imploded, at least in Arkansas, I can start a full-time gig writing snarky blog posts. To the future!" -- Anonymous

"Alabama def. Virginia Tech -- Surely BAMA will wait until later in the season to begin underperforming. Rutgers def. Cincinnati -- never in my life have I seen a bunch of la crosse players play up the way these guys do. Florida State def. Miami -- Bobby Bowden must start making up for those 14 vacated victories if he wants to catch Paterno in the Octo(genarian)gon." -- Glenn B.

"BTW can my team name be: Die HDN!" -- Joe C.

"Oregon’s ugly-ass uniforms on BSU’s hideous blue field. Can this game be any more visually painful? No (unless they were playing Oregon State). Am I going to watch every minute of it? Yes." -- Jeff G.

"SEMINOLE FACT OF THE WEEK: Did you know that Burt Reynolds the actor was a tail back at FSU? (I was a tail back also... every time I got up off the bench the coach would yell for me to get my tail back). His quarterback was none other than.... NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND.... Lee Corso!" -- The Kriz

And the winner of 'prettiest' e-mail when submitting picks for Week 1 goes to...

Chick-fil-A offers free chicken sandwich for college football fans on Labor Day

Unpaid endorsement: Is there any fast food better than a Chick-fil-A sandwich and fries from the Chick-fil-A on Markham across from Park Plaza? See you there.

Click for more info from Chick-fil-A

Recession Haiku

I was going to open my haiku by trashing Auburn. Since I heard there
were still spots open on the 18th last week, I had to come up with
something else.
Down economy
Sports is not recession proof
Salary caps next.

Preseason Things I Think I Think

First, five things I think I think (with apologies to Peter King) ...

1. The summer of our discontent is over. Football is back!

I'm convinced the angry tea partiers and birthers and death panelers wouldn't have been so upset if football games had been happening. Now that college (and NFL) football is back, I expect the ranting and the raving from white male Southerners to be directed at teenaged boys and overpaid coaches instead of the President.

2. One of those overpaid coaches who will catch nine kinds of Hell this season will be Charlie Weis. Because when a former player is paying for a billboard to protest you, it's not a good sign ...



3. Oklahoma State just can't keep from shooting itself in the foot. (They're the Cowboys, get it?)

First, Mike "I'm a man! I'm 40!" Gundy does his rant a couple of seasons ago. Then this ... the dumbest college "spirit" song you'll hear. Yes, they plan to play this during pregame in Stillwater.

Go here http://www.johnmartinlive.com, click the link to listen.

I'm convinced the songwriter (son of an associate AD, nepotism rules!) did this as a joke, since he's a Baylor graduate. Because coming up with something that sounds like a rejected Big & Rich song or something they'd sing at a Branson show is no way to fire up the crowd.

But don't laugh Arkansas fans. This song is only slightly worse than Hank Jr.'s "Hog Wild" blaring from the speakers.

4. For once, Saban is right.

When asked if the loser of Saturday's Alabama vs. Virginia Tech game is out of the BCS title hunt, Saban said, basically, "No way." And he's correct. The mantra college coaches should take is "Lose early, win late" if you want to play for a national title. Of course, if two or more undefeateds remain this theory is scrapped.

5. Forget Erin Andrews vs. the perv. The best offseason feud was Clay Travis vs. Tim Brando.

In this corner is Travis. Author, spouse of former NFL cheerleader, Tennessee fan, proud beard grower, asker of St. Tebow's virginity at SEC media days. In the other corner is Tim Brando. Radio show yakker, SEC on CBS studio host, on the SEC payroll during basketball season.

First, Brando fires away while on Paul Finebaum's radio show ... http://friendsoftheprogram.net/2009/08/25/tim-brando-thinks-we-are-ruining-america/

And then Travis responds ... http://thegame.podbean.com/2009/08/24/interview-clay-travis-082409/

5. The fight over the SEC media policy is a harbinger of things to come.

Yes, yes, nobody cares about the poor media and our problems. But you should.

By moving to restrict use of video on the Internet to its corporate partner, the SEC is setting the stage for the day when the legacy media is booted entirely from the stadium. Think about it ... if you're trying to monetize every possible aspect of the athletic department, why would you continue to allow the media to cover your games for free?

You can boot the media (by charging a huge press box fee) and then tell your fans to read about the game, see the box score, watch video highlights on ArkansasRazorbacks.com. Maybe you set up an iTunes style system where they can watch an entire game online for $5. Or see highlights for 99 cents. Or you do an Insider subscription for expanded coverage provided by sports writers hired away from the crumbling remains of the newspaper industry.

Then you go to advertisers and sell them on it. This is the only place they'll be able to watch video highlights of the game online. This is the only place with a boxscore or postgame interviews. BANG! You've got every business in the state clamoring to put ads on that Web page.

Of course, the dead tree media wouldn't completely give up on coverage. You'd get more features, more analysis, more columns. But you'll still have to go elsewhere (and pay for it) to get the basic game story.

It might not happen within 10 years. But it'll happen within 20.

M8B Prediction

Will Arkansas cover the spread (whatever it is) against Missouri State?



Bonus Question: Will Robert Shields use Saturday's game as an excuse to bring up the GSD?