Friday, September 30, 2011

Live Fan Feedback: Week 5

Comments on the week from our expert panel of reporters, bankers, doctors, lawyers, ad wizards, lawn guys, bond guys, car guys, pilots, priests, principals, builders, teachers, bums, and nomads.

Continually updated throughout the day...


I've gone 0 and 3 in Clemson games before but I don't think it was ever in a 3 week period. -- Woody

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Jeff G Weekly

These are good ones. I could go 5-0 as easily as 0-5.

Hogs - even beat up, I like our chances. Esp. after watching OSU torch A&M at the end of last week's game.

MSU - Sparty better step up, dammit.

VTech - No matter what I do, I will be wrong. I will point out that Clemson is on the road this week for the first time. So they'll win, but not cover the spread - just to screw me and Vegas. So I'll go with the Hokies. Reverse psychology. If you're confused after reading this, join the club. Damn you, Clemson.

'Bama - tough call.

The Cheese a/k/a Wisconsin. I do not like the Badgers. We Marquette students routinely fought UW students - literally - when they came to Milwaukee. They were tougher than the Domers (who eventually just stopped visiting Milwaukee), that's for sure. I wish this game was in Lincoln, but alas.

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The minute I think they are for real, they will blow it, but I am going to try anyway - Clemson for the win. -- Dave M

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Redonkulous!!!!!!!!

Here are my picks:
1. Clemson
2. Clemson
3. Clemson
4. Clemson
5. Clemson

-- G Biz

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Pacheco's Picks to Go

Texas A&M - Welcome to the SEC. Wish could say Arkansas but don't see it, but hey my average this year is 1-4

Michigan State - Attended hockey game with Professor Rabal years ago…………… hate Herbstreet and hate ohio state‼‼!

Clemson - Because they beat the bag man at his own game

Alabama - Because the west is better than the east

Wisconsin - it is home to the fictional place called Genoa City………… Young and the Restless

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Great job on the Empire State of Mind remix. Although I find it hard to believe you came up with that all by yourself. -- Brendan O [EDITOR'S NOTE: Believe dat!]

F-ing Clemson (yes, I said Clemson... but only by picking them am I guaranteeing they put up a "L". The rest of teh pool can thank me on Monday) -- G Biz

Funny... I think you left a few blame games off the list... How about Martinez stupid fumbling problems... How about Martinez weird side-arm bs throwing motion... How about all the Jumping Around in Madison... How about the Wisconsin Democratic Caucus up and leaving in the middle off the halftime marching band show? -- Husker Ryan

Hooray, more Clemson. The ultimate pool-busting team. In AUBURN news: Every time I see someone wearing Auburn gear in town, I want to scream, "Are you a Davis?" at them. In more AUBURN news: anyone else hoping Arkansas goes on a three-game slide and loses this week to A&M and then to Auburn just to see if the streets will run red with the blood of suicidal Hog fans? I do! -- Jeremy P

Time for the Ags to get off the schneid in the SW Classic. -- Aggie Mark

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Regards from the Big O

Another interesting group of picks...thanks for not including the AU/South Carolina game since I'm not sure we can win (although I have hopes and our win record since the last loss to SC is longer than most pool members are old). I had, however, hoped you would list the Georgia game so I could use the most apt summary of the peach dogs I've seen in years (not original with me): "Them ain't big dogs...them's just Jawga dogs...them dawgs don't bite."

Turning to the task at hand, here are my picks for this week: 1) Texas A&M (although I would normally expect the Hogs to win, due to both defensive ends off a some what deficient defense aren't playing and real questions exist as to whether the Hog's offense is as good as last years, I have to go with the home team advantage, especially if the first half team from last week's aTm/OSU shows up); 2) Ohio State (because they are dotting the "i" at home and MSU remains somewhat questionable to me); 3) Clemson (because those tigers are much better this year and by taking FSU as I predicted last week, they have perhaps the best team in the ACC); 4) Alabama (because I'm not sure the gators defense is as good as their stats appear and, besides, LSU is going to take care of the Tawd's overly hyped offense and defense in a few weeks now that LSU's best QB will be back -- moreover, the defeat of an undefeated Tawd by LSU will drive their delusional fans even more crazy due to unfulfilled expectations); and 5) Wisconsin (because right now they appear to share with LSU the status of being the best football teams in 2011).

Now that the work is done, let me also share with you the best political bumper sticker I've heard about: "Cain vs. Unable." You've got to admit that's clever. Regards and give Daly's coin my best.

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Glenn B's NCAAFConverter

NCAAFConverter is turned off this morning while I work on evicting a few non-payment types (a/k/a rent dodgers) from a trailer park. So here are my humble picks, selected without help of my nifty machine (which is probably a good thing; the Converter gave no guidance on OSU-TAMU or Arkie-Bama, and it went 1 for 3 on the rest (how could "Indian in Death Valley" have missed the mark??).

1. Arkansas - Texas A&M

I'll take Arkansas. We have tickets to the game so if we're trailing late, I may have my wife hop the rail and run around on the field wrapped in nothing but an Arkansas Razorbacks beach towel from WalMart; maybe that'll spark the team.

2. Michigan State - Ohio State

I'll take Michigan State.

3. Clemson - Virginia Tech

Having learned my lesson twice in a row, I'll take Clemson. I may not be an early adapter but I'm no dummy. By the way, you know the story about how Clemson got its name. It used to be the University of Clem, but the Regents thought the name was too humble so they conducted an on-campus contest many years ago to rebrand the school. "Clemson" was the winning entry, and not just because the name sounds much better, but because the letters actually stood for some of the lofty goals the school set for itself and its alumni (spirit, honor, knowledge).

4. Alabama - Florida

I'll take Alabama. The Tide will drop at least one game this year, but this is not the one.

5. Nebraska - Wisconsin (Nebraska worth four points)

I have to go with the Cornhuskers, especially since you have all those shiny bonus points hung on them. Nebraska has a lot to play for and they may very well play beyond their normal human abilities in unexplicable fashion. This not to say they got greatness in them (greatness apparently dwells only in Clemson at the moment) but for tomorrow's game, I'm not betting against them.

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The buckeys sucked against Miami... of all teams..... Who were beat by k. state....... of all teams.... The line is interesting on that game to say the least.... -- Sal

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Poetry Corner with Danny K

Football kicks off at 11.
I'll definitely be drinking by then.
And by the time Nebraska takes on Wisconsin,
I'll be giving my wife the Big 10.

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I still have the faith... I will always have the faith... WE CAN DO THIS!!! GO HOGS! We really beat ourselves last week: couldn't make a tackle, couldn't hold the line, couldn't make a run...we beat ourselves! These are basic fundamentals that every team must have going into any game! If we can keep our fundamentals on the top of our minds and apply a little think about the play before we take position then we can take A&M, I know it! -- Randi P

Monday, September 26, 2011

Poolsville State of Mind

















(Verse 1)
Yeah we’re done with Week 4 so next I’ll do a mic checka
If you picked the Hogs now you know it was a standings wrecka
Headed to face Saban Hogs said they had little fear
But at the end Petrino’s face was left with zero cheer
Now here’s a shout out to seven who got 5 and 0s
DJ U is close but still behind the leader named Big O
If you stayed up late for Arizona State to end the SC streak
Then you know to fear the fork next time they’re in the week
Gundy and the Cowboys I promise they will hex us
SEC’s gotta dump those Aggie jumpsuits down in Texas
Me I went with FSU thought it probly was no biggie
But the Clemson Curse still continues to be ridin’ with me
Say what’s up to Les Miles and those Ti-Ti-Tigers
Look out BCS you better call Paul Smyers
Did I cover everything no I can’t blame the refereeing
Still in the bottom tier and most definitely need some Tums...

(Chorus)
... in Pooooolsville
Ramon trophy that dreams are made of
There's no game you can't lose
Now you're in Poolsville
These games can make you feel like a dang fool
Well there’s always a side pool
Let's hear it for Poolsville, Poolsville, Poolsville

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Live Fan Feedback: Week 4

Comments on the week from our expert panel of reporters, bankers, doctors, lawyers, ad wizards, lawn guys, bond guys, car guys, pilots, priests, principals, builders, teachers, bums, and nomads.

Continually updated throughout the day...


Jeff G breaks it down:

A&M – no clue on this one, but I bet the A&M band is better that Okie St’s, so I’ll go with them.

‘Bama – 11 point spread? No respect. ‘Bama can beat us by at least 20.

FSU – Write it down. I will vote against Clemson every time from here on out. That’ll show you. So there. Damn right.

LSU – I don’t know much about WVU in particular, but all Big East teams are pussies, so I’ll go with the Tigers.

ASU – do not know, do not care.

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Woody's Scoredcard

OK St over TAM... Is it considered "starting a new tradition" if you move to a new conference but repeat the same thing... losing?

Bama over Ark... I hate making this choice. I want Ark to win, not that I like them or anything, and they might. But based on the schedule so far, Bama has at least been moderately challenged. One thing going for Ark is that the game is in Bryant Denny and Bama's recent home record is worse than it's road record. But maybe that stat is skewed because Auburn owns Alabama in Bryant Denny.

FSU over Clemson... Auburn's defense surrenders yards like the DOW Jones surrenders gains when ever Obama gives a speech about fixing the economy. Clemson isn't really that good.

LSU over WVU... [insert team], you have the crappiest fans and no one likes you!

USC over ASU... I had to resort to a coin toss to tell me Lane Cheater Kiffen was going to win this one.

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Since you clearly are ignoring my previous C&D letter, can you at least refer to them as "F-ing Clemson" in all future game picks! -- G-Biz

As usual Clemson will be a flash of greatness followed by a dose of mediocrity – Florida State takes it. -- Dave M.

The black bunting of mourning continues to hang throughout the Seminole Nation. Obviously, my team somehow missed the fact that I picked them to win. Please make sure my picks are faxed to each team, each week so they know what they are supposed to do. It seems that there must be a breakdown of communication somewhere along the line. >>>----;;;---;;;------> Go SEMINOLES!!!! >>>----;;;---;;;------> -- Seminole Prognosticator

I'm 11 and 4 going into week 4 without submitting any of my picks cleverly photoshoped onto some chicks boobies so not going down that path just yet. -- DJ U-Explicit Johnson

Thanks for not putting Notre Dame in this week :) They, Clemson and Auburn are seriously unpredictable. I thought the Hot Seat Bowl might be of interest. Nutt is dangerous when backed in a corner. -- Mike W.

I told Steve W. that he needs to try to win this pool so he can buy himself a new sock tie. The old one he's wearing (the same old gold one he wore since your junior year, my sophomore year - no kidding) has faded to a tan-ish color and is now frayed where he makes the knot. If he ever tried to wear it on a plane, he'd get strip searched because some security guy would think he "just looked out of place." -- Rocket Man

Would rather have had the ND game in the picks this week. I never get Clemson game right. -- Aggie Mark

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Regards from Big O

After much study... thought... guesswork... here are my selections for this week unencumbered by loyalty to my school or dislike for Notre Dame: 1) Oklahoma State (because their offense is better and their minds may be more on moving to the SEC than this game, albeit being a home game); 2) Alabama (while my heart and my druthers rest with the Hogs, you don't remain at the top of our pool picking 11 point underdogs no matter how much you dislike their opponent); 3) Clemson (because I suspect Trickett's son will be the starter and he isn't as good as Clemson's QB, especially with their home field advantage...by the way I actually hosted Coach Trickett back when he was Pat Dye's AU assistant while presiding as President at a LR Alumni Club dinner...he cusses even more than UF's Coach Boom, by the way); 4) LSU (because they will likely finish at the head of the SEC West despite their HC's mistakes); and 5) USC (because you can never expect Arizona State to do what they should, thus leaving USC by default).

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Poetry Corner with Danny K

There's a game that we play at my house
Watching Saturday football with my spouse.
When my team drops a pass
I slap my wife on the ass
And when they catch it I click on her mouse.

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Had to call in to The Zone to call a foul on all the grief Archie Goodwin is getting... get in an on-air fight with Justin. Arky fans = bunch 'o haters. -- Mr. Kentucky

Woo-Pig! The season has had a great start but now the Hogs face their first true match up! What a game it should be! Regardless of what predictions are being made... tomorrow at 2:30 the Razorbacks have the chance to make their mark not only in the SEC but in the nation! This is the first conference match up for the Hogs and quite the matchup it should be. We know Bobby can coach and we know the boys can play... we have already seen both. All we have to do tomorrow is execute the plays with accuracy, force, and speed and another ARKANSAS RAZORBACK Victory will be on the board! GO HOGS! -- Randi P

Games of the Week

Which of these is the reason Notre Dame is not in the pool this week? A) Contrary to accusations, Notre Dame only makes the pool if it is involved in one of the top five games of the week. B) Ben B. is tired of going to confession every week for not picking the Irish. C) Bishop Anthony B. Taylor is tired of hearing about the weird guy who comes to confession just because of Notre Dame football. D) The Facebook poll was legit this time. Answer: The games pick themselves.

Oklahoma State - Texas A&M
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC/ESPN2
Line: Texas A&M by 3

Arkansas - Alabama
2:30 p.m., Saturday, CBS
Line: Alabama by 11
* Underdog worth four points

Florida State - Clemson
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Florida State by 2

LSU - West Virginia
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: LSU by 5
* Underdog worth three points

USC - Arizona State
9:15 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Arizona State by 2

Good luck.
****#****

Monday, September 19, 2011

Project Playoffs: Week 3 standings and seedings


As the conference realignment madness continues, it is clear that there is no central figure or organization guiding college football for the greater good of the game. Instead, a money grab for television revenue by college administrators, athletic directors, and conference commissioners is dictating the future of college football, and it is headed in the wrong direction.

If there were any sanity or order to college football, the conferences would look something like what you see below. Rather than a conglomerate of business interests focused solely on chasing the green, the conferences would be fairly organized in the best interests of all involved -- by geography.

As the BCS and meaningless bowl games continued to ruin the the postseason of the most passionate sport in the country, Project Playoffs was born out of the need to create an equitable plan to crown a champion. While many suggested a small playoff to solve the problem, Project Playoffs recognized that nothing would be solved without conference realignment first.

But not the kind of conference realignment college football is experiencing today. Instead of the ever-expanding mega-conferences, the conferences should be getting smaller.

Now eight years after the creation of Project Playoffs, it has become clear that the postseason is no longer the primary problem in college football. It is the greedy conferences and college administrators hypocritically citing the best interest of the student-athlete on one hand while actually caring very little about the best interest of the students or fans as long as the money continues to roll in.

Project Playoffs has taken the top 81 schools by football attendance and divided them into nine geographically correct conferences. Though it will never happen because the greedy college administrators don't want to part with their conference television money, this realignment plan is the most sensible solution to what is currently transpiring.

Using the Massey Comparison Rankings, which take every poll and computer rating into account, below is a projection of how the standings would be in each of these realigned conferences as of Week 3.

Each conference winner gets an automatic birth into the 16-team playoff, and the next best seven teams according to an all-encompassing rating system would also make the playoff. Then all 16 teams are seeded regardless of conference finish using the same all-encompassing rating system.

Click here for a full explanation of Project Playoffs.

Mid-South
1 Oklahoma (2-0)
6 Oklahoma State (3-0)
8 Texas A&M (2-0)
13 Arkansas (3-0)
TCU (2-1)
Texas (3-0)
Baylor (2-0)
Texas Tech (2-0)
Houston (3-0)

Southern
2 Alabama (3-0)
3 LSU (3-0)
Auburn (2-1)
Mississippi State (1-2)
Tennessee (2-1)
Vanderbilt (3-0)
Southern Miss (2-1)
Kentucky (2-1)
Ole Miss (1-2)

Northwest
4 Boise State (2-0)
9 Oregon (2-1)
Utah (2-1)
Washington (2-1)
Air Force (1-1)
BYU (1-2)
Colorado (1-2)
Oregon State (0-2)
Fresno State (1-2)

West
5 Stanford (3-0)
USC (3-0)
Arizona State (2-1)
San Diego State (3-0)
California (3-0)
Arizona (1-2)
Hawaii (1-2)
UCLA (1-2)
UTEP (2-1)

Midwest
7 Wisconsin (3-0)
12 Nebraska (3-0)
Illinois (3-0)
Missouri (2-1)
Iowa (2-1)
Iowa State (3-0)
Kansas State (2-0)
Kansas (2-1)
Minnesota (1-2)

Atlantic
10 Virginia Tech (3-0)
North Carolina (3-0)
Maryland (1-1)
North Carolina State (2-1)
Wake Forest (2-1)
Virginia (2-1)
East Carolina (0-2)
Marshall (1-2)
Duke (1-2)

Southeast
11 South Carolina (3-0)
14 Florida (3-0)
Florida State (2-1)
South Florida (3-0)
Clemson (3-0)
Georgia Tech (3-0)
Miami (1-1)
Georgia (1-2)
Central Florida (2-1)

Northeast
15 West Virginia (3-0)
Penn State (2-1)
Navy (2-1)
Pittsburgh (2-1)
Syracuse (2-1)
Connecticut (1-2)
Rutgers (1-1)
Army (1-2)
Boston College (0-3)

Big North
16 Michigan (3-0)
Notre Dame (1-2)
Ohio State (2-1)
Michigan State (2-1)
Louisville (2-1)
Cincinnati (2-1)
Northwestern (2-1)
Purdue (2-1)
Indiana (1-2)

Ramon's Escoblog: Week 3

The Awesome Meter:
Rating the Awesomeness of Football Weekend

O'Brien goes 5-0 to shoot up to a tie for second place (Rating: 4 -- Bayani brothers blasting "Atomic Dog" in Celica)... Robb O pledges to print "DYC" T-shirts after getting burned yet again by Clemson (Rating: 4 -- Hammerin Hank et cetera)... Oklahoma continues to prove to be absolute money in the pool during the regular season (Rating: 1 -- Tiger, Lance, Vick, LeBron)... No endangered species get injured at Auburn game this week (Rating: 3 -- Offenses run by guys in visors)... DJ U, Sir Thomas, Porkchop Butler, and Faldon's Five Thoughts jump in top group with 5-0s (Rating: 4 -- Cupid Shuffle)... SEC team gets beat by Vanderbilt (Rating: 1 -- Craigslist ad for Ole Miss bagman)... SEC team gets outgained by Sun Belt school (Rating: 2 -- Artificial turf in SEC)... Daly accepts challenge to beat leader Big O by flipping a coin every week (Rating: 4 -- Giorgio Chinaglia, 1978)... Big 12 and Big East schools defecting to add to conference realignment craziness (Rating: 2 -- Swanton Bomb or Rating: 5 -- Project Playoffs)... Condoleezza Rice claims hole in one at golf course prior to taking in Notre Dame game (Rating: 1 -- WMDs).

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Live Fan Feedback: Week 3

Comments on the week from our expert panel of reporters, bankers, doctors, lawyers, ad wizards, lawn guys, bond guys, car guys, pilots, priests, principals, builders, teachers, bums, and nomads.

Continually updated throughout the day...


Actually, I think all the Notre Dame fans want you to stop putting their games in here also! -- Brett W.

And this is why I didn’t even bother to put in my vote for the games this week, as I KNEW you would still have Notre Dame (of which I still have no idea which team will show up) and Auburn (which I actually feel better about this week than last) in the pool. -- Jeff K.

ND - Sending up a prayer to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, on this one. -- Senor Daily

I can't believe you put Clemson and Notre Dame in the same pool week. Hurricane Irene, Tropical Storm Lee, tornadoes, heat waves this year. We just had the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. Are you tempting fate? I am concerned all five games will even get played. -- Lee D.

Last weeks victory by Texas brings back memories of my (stupid) decision in September 1987 to attend a similar matchup in favor of seeing the Cult with opening act Guns n Roses. What an idiot! -- E-Man

Woo-Pig!!! This is the last week for the Hogs before conference play begins... we have good momentum building and I think W's are in our future!!! And hopefully a free lunch in mine! Go Hogs! -- Randi P.

My picks = gold. -- Airbrush Artist

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Jeff G's Weekly Analysis

LSU – I forgot that Manny Diaz went to TX - that makes a difference. I don’t think MSU can hang physically with LSU for the entire game.

Auburn – maybe Clemson will surprise me and hand AU a loss. Then again, maybe not.

MSU – Just as Straessle is obligated to pick the Domers, I am contractually obligated by marriage to pick MSU. Not that I’m confident at all in that pick.

Miami – Miami looked pretty good against Maryland in Week 1…and it was a close game, too.

OU – FSU is overrated and OU doesn’t choke until later in the season.

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Dear Mr. Dishongh:

This firm represents Greg Bizzoso. If you are represented by legal counsel, please direct this letter to your attorney immediately and have your attorney notify us of such representation.

We are writing to notify you that your unfotunate picking of Clemson in your weekly football pool infringes upon our client’s exclusive rights not to endure the Clemson Curse. Accordingly, you are hereby directed to

CEASE AND DESIST SELECTION OF CLEMSON IN YOUR WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL POOL, herby known as the Ramon Escobar Football Challenge.

Gregory Bizzoso is the victim of various aspects of The Clemson Curse. Under United States Anti-Voodoo statutes Gregory Bizzoso has been effected negatively in both an emotional and physical manner by your continued selection of CLEMSON.

It has come to our attention that you have been intentionally and willfully selecting Clemson to torment our client, Gregory Bizzoso as well as numerous and untold other participants.

We demand that you immediately (A) cease and desist your unfortunate selection of Clemson and (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) days that you will cease and desist from further selection of Clemson in the weeks to come.

If you do not comply with this cease and desist demand within this time period, Gregory Bizzoso is entitled to use your failure to comply as evidence of “willful torment” and seek monetary damages and equitable relief for your willful torment. In the event you fail to meet this demand, please be advised that Gregory Bizzoso has asked us to communicate to you that it will contemplate pursuing all available legal, supernatural and otherwise obnoxious remedies, including seeking monetary damages, injunctive relief, doing the chicken dance and automatically selecting Clemson’s opposition in all future weekly selections and an order that you pay all Gregory’s beer, wing, and blood pressure medicine costs . Your liability and exposure under such legal action could be considerable.

Before taking these steps, however, my client wished to give you one opportunity to discontinue your willful torture by complying with this demand within ten (10) days. Accordingly, please sign and return the attached Agreement within ten (10) days to

Buffalo Wild Wings
180 Route 35 South # 2004A
Monmouth Mall
Eatontown, NJ 07724
(732) 542-9464
If you or your attorney have a great wing recipe or now of a local beer special, please notify me at once.

Sincerely,

Gregory Bizzoso

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So, it was all a lie and the voting did not count? Reminds me of 2000. -- Kate D.

ND… there was a time that this was a no-brainer, that time has passed. -- Christie H.

Dude, easy picks this time... This week, Brian Kelly will finally realize that he needs to be even more animated on the sidelines. A three hour stream of vein-popping profanities, accompanied by a continuous barrage of flying spittle that would make Mr. Marczuk proud, will finally spur the Irish on to victory. -- Aggie Mark

Not sure what your obsession is with Notre Dame, but I'll pick 'em this week even if I run the risk of validating their continued inclusion... Irish for the win -- Dave M.

Is it wrong that I was looking forward to the first Clemson entry? Damn them. -- Robb O

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Regards from Big O

Here we go again: 1) LSU (the MSU cow bellers are still hurting from the banging they got from our pups last Saturday -- besides, LSU is probably the best overall team in the SEC, at least until our pups grow some more); 2) Auburn (again, of course; besides we have Gus who, like Obie Wan, is going to take his understudy, Luke Skywalker, back to school); 3) Notre Dame (surprise and proof I'm not anti-Catholic; because even ND can't give away three games in a row and I hear on good account that the Pope -- please note, I capitalized the Pope, which my son failed to do earlier -- has given special dispensation for the coach's public swearing); 4) Miami (really think they are both losers, but OSU is slower and Miami is at home); and 5) Oklahoma (this could be a big surprise as Jimbo has done a good job, but as the front runner, I have an obligation not to get out too far on the picks b y picking against the consensus number one). And no, I'm not going to send my picks out to all concerned as some because I don't want to educate the masses before the Thursday kickoff. Now, if you need some well reasoned material for Poolsville, you might consider Scarbinsky's surprisingly candid article today. One thing I learned from the article I didn't know already was that the NCAA has acknowledged that the Cryer's 3-way telephone conference actually occurred. And incidentally, you really have to get over this "bag man" stick before it gets rancid.

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My wife's picks are in parenthesis and don't count as my official choice. I'm only including them because if I would have listened to her last week I would have been 5-0. I want to keep track of what picks we have different so I can see if I should start listening to her. -- Brian R.

Clemson - surely satan can't find another way to make his team win again. -- Dr. Aristotle Ditka

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Mike Paco says:

Master Dishongh, these games suck donkey balls!!!!!!!!!

LSU……….. because after this season we will be replacing their endzone seating!!!!!

Auburn…………. for O Bag man!!!!!!!!

Michigan State because years ago I attended a hockey game there with Professor Rabal………

Miami………… better at compensating players than competition!!!!!!

Oklahoma……… because Zach and Nic had OU hats at one time

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For the love of God, why are you so anti-Notre Dame? What part of 'Rudy' didn't inspire you? -- Jamie L.

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Poetry Corner with Danny K

Except for one pick, these are too close to call.
But I have to predict, another Notre Dame fall.
For the rest of these games, I haven't a clue.
From ridiculous Clemson all the way to the U.
But there's just one thing for sure and on this I'm not wrong.
Is my wife fetching beers all Saturday long.

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In the words of George (Seinfield)... "I'm back baby!!!" It should be a fun year with the footbal team but I have stopped drinking the Kool-aid! Not sure if the D-line is a good as advertised, Wilson is solid but I want to see him perform under some "SEC bullets." I think he takes too long to make decisions, so his time to make those will depend on if we can establish a run game. Which I am not sure the coaches are too worried about. The question I ponder to the group.... "has Childs lost a step or is the other receivers just elevating their games?" -- Double R AKA D Romeo

You show 'em Dishongh! It doesn't matter how many people don't want to see the suck asses from Notre Dame on the schedule again, ever. Poolsville is not a democracy, it's about FOOTBALL !!! -- the Moose, loose

Miami - my son picked them because he likes their dolphin mascot. I told him they were the Hurricanes. He then asked what Ohio State was. I told him they were the buckeyes. He gave me a weird look. I said it’s a type of nut but you can’t eat it. He stuck with Miami. I should have told him that many believe that a buckeye has lucky power. But I had already talked him off one team. Picking ND is like losing a coin toss 50 times when it lands on heads every time and on flip 51 you still pick tails because you're certain this time it will be. -- From the Bench

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Jeremy's Calling

From a college football perspective, the most interesting thing about my recent trip to California was a) reading about college football without the built-in SEC bias and b) just how little people care. My day trip to Mexico can be summed up this way: I came, I saw, I pooped, but I digress.

I base the former on the LA Times uniformly excellent college football coverage as penned by Chris Dufresne. He's outstanding. He also has Arkansas at No. 20 in the most recent poll I saw. But it wasn't just that, even though as the designated pool heel I must always cheer when the beloved Piggies are denigrated by the national media — hooray! — it is the kind of perspective a person can get from a distance. When you live in a bubble, you start to believe everything in that bubble. You breathe that same oxygen. Elsewhere, the air's different. A hint of ocean, or, perhaps, raw sewage.

The latter is formed by my reading of the local papers — and being a confirmed newspaper junkie, I snatched as many as I could. (On Tuesday, I read five, no wait, six if you count the color leaflet that is the USA Today. Hi, oh zing!)

And outside of local college coverage, that was mostly it, besides Dufresne's stalwart work in the Times. Just a few paragraphs here or there or some outrage about San Diego State and Michigan not being seen in the San Diego metro area.

We have this perception, here in the south, in our little bubble, that college football is king. It really isn't. Pro football, major league baseball, those were the things that carried the sports sections I saw and like I said, I saw plenty of them.

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Going with Cam Green until I lose a game. My 5-0 last week has me higher in the pool than I have been in a while. Meanwhile, Auburn haters and ND lovers such as yourself find themselves at the bottom. -- Jerry Winner

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Games of the Week

WEEK 3 -- Which of these people let out the loudest groan upon seeing these games? A) Everyone who has been burned repeatedly and mercilessly by Clemson in past seasons. B) All the Auburn fans sitting at the top of the standings whose loyalty to the Family will be again tested. C) Anyone who has completely lost count of how many players are still suspended at Ohio State and Miami. D) The numerous Notre Dame haters who voted against including the Notre Dame game in the Facebook poll. Answer: E) Rocket-Man, who is bound by the Diocese of Little Rock and Bishop Andrew B. Taylor to pick Notre Dame every time.

BONUS Comment of the week: "As for my normal detractors, such as Daly, anyone can over time average 50% by simply flipping a coin or paying Danny Sheridan." -- Big O

LSU - Mississippi State
7 p.m., Thursday, ESPN
Line: LSU by 3

Auburn - Clemson
11 a.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Clemson by 3

Battle for the Megaphone
Michigan State - Notre Dame
2:30 p.m., Saturday, NBC
Line: Notre Dame by 5
* Underdog worth three points

Ohio State - Miami
6:30 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Miami by 2

Oklahoma - Florida State
7 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 3

Good luck.
****#****

Thursday, September 08, 2011

LR game haiku

Since the Razorback are playing in LR this weekend,it is only fitting I include it in a haiku:

War Memorial
Kick A$$ place for tailgating
Time to party on.

Live Fan Feedback: Week 2

Comments on the week from our expert panel of reporters, bankers, doctors, lawyers, ad wizards, lawn guys, bond guys, car guys, pilots, priests, principals, builders, teachers, bums, and nomads.

Continually updated throughout the day...


Like there's any option besides B in my household. My mother, self-proclaimed Mark Richt's biggest fan, was lighting the "Fire Mark Richt" texts by three minutes into the second quarter on Saturday. It breaks my heart a little. But there are few things I hate more than the idea of Spurrier winning anything between the Sanford Stadium hedges. -- Hilary D.

Michigan because I've only picked an ND game correctly once in four years. -- Senor Jeff

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Faldon's Additional Thoughts

Mississippi State - I don't care what ESPN calls it, the 11:30 a.m. game will always be the Jefferson Pilot Game of the Week to me.

South Carolina - An SEC sweep of Poosville games!?! I'm doomed for these predictions.

Texas - You think Texas is regretting that whole Longhorn Network thing now? I mean, it's bad enough when A&M decides to divorce you. It's even worse when the Iowa States and Texas Techs are threatening to file lawsuits if they don't get to stay with you. Jerry Springer couldn't sort this mess out.

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Man, I suck at this! At least your pool leaves me with NO desire to ever gamble on sports! -- Alex O.

In my time in the pool, I have not seen two worse teams in any one week than Notre Dame and Michigan. I truly believe that the atrociousness of these two teams outweighs the tradition enough for them to not be in the pool. But maybe that's just me. -- Brendan O.

I was flying home from Paris last Sunday when I realized I'd forgotten to send in my picks. I let slip a few expletives in the cockpit (I fly for American Airlines) and my flying partner said, "What's wrong!" Visibly upset, I told him I forgot to send in my picks. He didn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation even after I explained the pool in great detail. He seemed more concerned with the fact that I'd startled him. Some people! Anyway, my first picks of the year follow. Picking Notre Dame consistently has left me feeling like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football while Lucy holds." -- David H.

While I will choose ND to win this game, I am waging my own (silent) protest against all future ND games selected for the pool. Clearly the most frustrating and befuddling of matchups involve ND. Word. -- Gator Brooks

I have a new tutor, and I think she will be fine for the duration of the season. Correction, she will be my advisor for the rest of the season since she has a PhD from the School of Noise and she snatched the pebble from my hand. -- School of Noise

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Jeff G.'s Winners

MSU - not impressed with Auburn - at all. Although I would probably take them to beat that spread.

'Bama - Hopefully a good, old-fashioned SEC ass-kicking is in store for another Big Ten poser. I can’t remember - is PSU in the Leaders or the Legends division?

USC - The UGa unis made it last week's game difficult to watch. Luckily the team was so bad that it made easy my choice to change the channel. USC didn’t look like world beaters vs ECU, but I think they can put a nail in UGa's coffin.

UT - John Smith shined down on BYU last week, but two weeks in a row might be too much to ask. It's not like he's God or anything.

Michigan - Lock of the Week. The Domers can't keep up with UM on either side of the ball.

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I'm off to the best start of my career. Always wondered what the rest of the world looked like from the vantage point of the leader board. Wells was disappointed in his picks from last week. Says he was shooting for 0-5 but accidentally picked one winner. Jackass. The internet is running smooth again and the Rockets travel to #4 North Little Rock Friday night. Game prediction: Rockets 28, Charging Wildcats 24. -- Rocket-Man

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Regards from the Big O

It looks like Sue and I will be leaving early Friday for the Loveliest Village of the Plains and the MSU challenge for our 21 Freshmen who played their first game last Saturday (that doesn't include the multiple RS Freshmen that also played). Accordingly, here are my selections for this week: 1) Auburn (is a reason necessary -- if so, in part to tell Coach Mullen's wife, who probably initiated much of the Cam misinformation, that we really appreciate her efforts); 2) Alabama (almost brought back the stomach pains the meds have diminished to type that blasphemous selection, but as much as I don't think sa$en's minions are unbeatable, the JoePas aren't the one to do it first); 3) South Carolina (because this will be the second nail in the Uthuga's coach's demise this year and the cocks have the SEC's '10 best coach); 4) Texas (just because one can come back against Ole Miss doesn't mean BYU can take on successfully the entire High School football farm system for the State of Texas' golden boys); and 5) Michigan (because the Gipper is long dead and buried).

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I will be in the Michigan alumni section - usually we get good camera coverage due to the many hookers and generally slutty women the university provides for us. Look for me! -- E-Man

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Glenn B's NCAA app

Well, NCAAFConverter, while showing promise, is still not ready for primetime. After successfully picking the winners in both Week 1 bonus point games (USF Bulls buck the Leprechaun, Buttercup the Bulldog looked as as pathetic in real life has he (she?) did in the back of a lower Manhattan vintage Ford Bronco. But the Converter failed to appreciate that the Cougars had Nutt's number in Oxford (http://www.cougarnuts.com/) and that the move-in ready Baton Rouge dream home at 555 South Eugene was in fact a "handyman's dream" with major structural damage. And although NCAAFConverter accurately predicted Maryland over Miami, the post-game obvious conversion result should have been Two-Face of DC Comics fame (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Face).

Time has been short this week so other than a few whacks at NCAAFConverter down in the basement lab, I'm just setting it to "run" again - let's see what pops out.

1. Mississippi State - Auburn (Tigers worth three points)

NCAAFConverter : RND 13 Bulldogs v Sea Eagles; a National Rugby League match from earlier this year in which the Canby Sea[War] Eagles eviscerated the Manly Bulldogs. Actually, I did not know how this ended until I watched the highlight reel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HalRvj5EjIs) but after watching the slaughter, all I can do is take AUBURN and the bonus point, thank you very much.

2. Alabama - Penn State (Nittany Lions worth four points)

NCAAFConverter : Lions v. Elephant. Of all the battles that exist in the in the natural world none is more titanic than lions versus elephants and truth be told, you don't need to click on this link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOE4RzS7JPY) or any of the other 47 "Lion v. Elephant" video clips on YouTube because you already know in your heart how it ends - with a shot of a fat lion hanging off the branch of some scraggly African tree picking elephant remnants out of his teeth. So I'll take PENN STATE and the bonus points, thank you very much.

3. South Carolina - Georgia

NCAAFConverter : French Bulldog VS. Damn Chicken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yftsgFfwRJk) and I'll tell you, with this one, the Converter is firing on all cylinders. First, note the way at the beginning of the clip the rooster is not even paying attention to the bulldog (Buttercup?) until she lobs in a jaunty yap yap yap. The tension grows throughout the clip but the video unfortunately ends right before the damn chicken has had enough and pecks out Buttercup's eyes. Old Ball Coach will do the same to Richt tomorrow, so I'll take SAKERLINA, thank you very much.

4. BYU - Texas (Cougars worth three points)

NCAAFConverter : Cougar Cattle Call — Docu To “Empower” Single MILFs. What can I say, that's what the Converter came up with. But even though the article goes on to report that a bunch of hapless British producers were having trouble finding cougars to shoot for a planned Los Angeles documentary on "girlfriends who are great looking and who date younger guys and who younger guys seem to be attracted to", I'm going to go with my gut on this one; I see Cougar success on the horizon (http://www.huntingcougar.com/2009/09/28/cracking-the-group/). (In unrelated news, there is nothing to see here (http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tfr/307225854.html). Really. Nothing at all.)

5. Notre Dame - Michigan

NCAAFConverter : [Obvious malfunction]. Maybe the machine is gummed up after successfully predicting a Bulls win over Our Lady; this week, NCAAFConverter would only link to Mobile, Alabama Leprechaun Crackhead Pot of Gold (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DM7CL-Vyo1U). Maybe there is a messag here but I don't see it. I'm on my own on this one, so I'll take MICHIGAN, thank you very much. Blue is back.

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Why the love for ND? Catholic people sux! -- Joe C.


I had a long talk with Ethan, whose only goal is to do better than me. Ha, it won't be that easy! Let Ethan wallow in his dispair after ND get's belly punched like a crack whore by Michigan. I guess his trip to Detroit won't be so fun after all. -- Moose

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Poetry Corner with Danny K

Once again they pissed me off
I can't stand Notre Dame.
I won't make that mistake again
The "Fighting" Irish are lame.

For four big points, screw the SEC
If Penn State wins I will cheer.
Then slap my wife on the ass, grab a handful of %*%s
And tell her to fetch me a beer.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Games of the week

WEEK 2 -- Which of these stories will you be talking about this weekend? A) The Auburn Family looks to get back on track against a team it barely squeaked by last season and now finds itself as a seven-point underdog -- at home. B) Georgia fans consider soliciting the services of a select group of Arkansas fans on the best way to oust a coach. C) More BYU students get lost to the Honor Code after a personal tour of Sixth Street guided by "Hook 'em" Sal. D) You go 5-0 to make up for last week's 1-4. Answer: Make it D.


Mississippi State - Auburn
11:20 a.m., Saturday, SEC Network
Line: Mississippi State by 7
* Underdog worth three points

Alabama - Penn State
2:30 p.m., Saturday, ABC
Line: Alabama by 10
* Underdog worth four points

South Carolina - Georgia
3:30 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: South Carolina by 3

BYU - Texas
6 p.m., Saturday, ESPN2
Line: Texas by 7
* Underdog worth three points

Notre Dame - Michigan
7 p.m., Saturday, ESPN
Line: Notre Dame by 3


Good luck.
****#****

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

King's Things

Larry King's People: News & Views

Fort Smith, Arkansas, hello... Thrilling end to the first week of games. This is the first time in pool history two games have produced bonus points in the first week. Could be a wild season... Bad scene on Saturday at Notre Dame Stadium. I haven't heard that many Catholics booing at one time since Father Antony mistakenly invited the Shiloh Christian athletic director to the St. Joe fish fry... Big win on the road in the SEC for BYU. Unfortunately, half the BYU band is now in violation of the Honor Code after a pregame march through the Grove... Who doesn't like eggs?... I'm not saying I called it, but I knew Oregon's offense was in trouble early when one of those signs had a picture of Beano Cook... After the loss to Boise State, Mark Richt's job is so in jeopardy that he got an unexpected vote of confidence from Frank Broyles... In my day, reality television meant kick the balloon on the Bozo show, gang... I love the uniforms the kids are doing these days, but when I see Maryland's helmets all I can think of is the last time I went to medieval laser-tag night at Playtime Pizza.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

On the triumph of the Hillbillies

I awoke Saturday morning with a spring in my step.

My high school alma mater, Ozark, and, in fact, not Little Rock Catholic, had beaten its biggest rival — Booneville — Friday night. Faced with a long list of Saturday tasks, I picked up the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette sports section expecting to see at least something resembling a story about the game.

I knew that Lane Kramer, a sportswriter for that paper had covered the game and as had Grant Tolley with the Times Record in Fort Smith.

But nothing in the Little Rock paper. Grant's fine story can be read here, http://www.swtimes.com/sports/article_a8701710-d5ee-11e0-b82d-001cc4c002e0.html

So, as something of a joke and because I've done it for a living, when we got home last night, I banged out a quick 400 words on the game and sent it to the Hootens of Hootens Arkansas Football fame. I know Chad and Chris both and they are fine people. They might actually use some of what I sent.

But as a public service to those living in Little Rock because the Democrat-Gazette has failed in its basic mission of covering the state, I post online what I have done.

That's what follows. Enjoy, or not.

Ozark beats Booneville, 21-7

OZARK — In his head coaching debut, Jeremie Burns notched the first and biggest win of his career as the Ozark Hillbillies beat long-time rival Booneville, 21-7, on Friday night in front of a packed house at Hillbilly Stadium.


Burns, a veteran assistant coach, took over at Ozark after Brooks Coatney left this summer for Van Buren.


Burns has deep roots in the River Valley and was an easy choice for the Ozark administration. He's a former all-state football player at Alma and is married to former Ozark star athlete and professional basketball player Penni Peppas. He was the defensive coordinator for Ozark last season as the Hillbillies lost in the second round of the Class 4A playoffs to Pulaski Academy.


Ozark got off to a shaky start with a fumble on its first offensive play of the game and Booneville turned the miscue to the game's first score, to go up 7-0.


Ozark junior quarterback Jonathon McKenzie also fumbled the ball away on the goal line that ended a potential scoring threat in the second quarter.


"I told them [at halftime] all they needed was one play to get back in it," Burns said after the game. "Just one play."


His players listened and it was one play that got everyone standing up as Brandon Brokeshoulder took the second half's opening kickoff 95 yards for a touchdown and the "Thrill" was back for the Hillbillies.


Ozark took the lead for good when McKenzie found Brokeshoulder in the end zone for another score.


The Thrillbillies put the game away in the fourth quarter with a blocked punt returned for a touchdown.


The run of long-time rivals continues for Ozark as the Hillbillies take on Clarksville next Friday. After that, Charleston, and then off to the hills for conference games against relatively unfamiliar foes in Gravette and such before Shiloh Christian heads down the mountain for its game at Ozark on Oct. 28.

The game was also something of a family affair as Burns' brother, Jarrod, is the middle school principal at Ozark and worked a ticket booth. Both their parents, along with Jeremie Burns' mother-in-law sat in lawn chairs near the end zone. One brother-in-law, Josh Peppas, kept the game's stats in the press box. Burns' son, Bryant, worked the sidelines as a ball boy and another of his brother-in-laws, Jeremy Peppas, a no-account reporter of middling talent, also took in the game from a lawn chair near the end zone.

It was Jeremy Peppas who, after his late night return to Little Rock, got the notion to sit down and peck out a poorly written e-mail to the fabulous Hooten brothers in case they needed cliché ridden copy to flesh out their web/broadcast products.


— Jeremy Peppas, one proud as punch brother-in-law, who likely won't make another Ozark game until Shiloh in October

Friday, September 02, 2011

SEC Coaches' Candid Quotes On Conference Rivals

"Link to story"

Each year we ask college football coaches to tell us what they really think about the other teams in their conference. But we don't want the cliche'd press conference platitudes, so we ask them to give us their quotes off-the-record and anonymously. Here are this year's quotes in alphabetical order for each team in the SEC.

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Alabama
"You have to give (Nick) Saban credit: Other than a stinker at South Carolina, they nearly ran the table again. LSU and Auburn were lucky to beat them, and Alabama finally put it all together in the bowl game, by just annihilating Michigan State."

"They only have to replace four starters on offense, but three of those have been so huge to the program’s success — quarterback Greg McElroy, running back Mark Ingram and wide receiver Julio Jones."

"I know Ingram won the Heisman and Jones had the capability of scoring every time he touched the football, but I think the one they’ll miss the most out of those three is McElroy. The kid was brilliant and just a flat-out winner. He might not have been the strongest, fastest or have the best arm, but he was such a tremendous leader."

"Trent Richardson and Eddie Lacy will be just as productive, or more, than Ingram. Also Marquis Maze will fill in nicely for Jones."

"If the offense struggles, the defense should be able to bail them out. They return nearly everyone, including linebacker Dont’a Hightower."

"Their secondary could be one of the nation’s best units with the entire group back intact."

"Even with only 14 seniors, I still would not be surprised if them or LSU ends up playing for the national title."

"They have so much talent. Nick has done such a great job stockpiling talent there. It’s amazing how many good players they have."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Arkansas
"Obviously the big guy, (Ryan) Mallett is gone on offense. Tyler Wilson is slated to be the replacement and was impressive in limited action last year. He had a monster game against Auburn (332 yards, four touchdowns), so he’s proven he’s quite capable of directing the offense. The schedule sets up nicely for him to build his confidence (opening with three home games against Missouri State, New Mexico and Troy) before a killer back-to-back stretch against Alabama and Texas A&M."

"They’ve had a lot of good backs in the past few years, but no one seized the job until Davis last year. He was great."

"The defense has slowly improved under (Bobby) Petrino and coordinator Willy Robinson and should be as strong or better this fall. It was a weakness a few years ago. Not so much anymore."

"Defensive end Jake Bequette is one of the best in the league, and tackle Byran Jones is a solid force up front."

"I think last year they responded very well to the pressure of being a dark horse to win the league, losing only to Alabama and Auburn. This year with the expectations not as high, I think the Razorbacks will jump up and surprise some people as long as Wilson can be consistent at quarterback.”

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Auburn

"No Cam Newton, no Nick Fairley and no chance for the Tigers to repeat as SEC or national champions. How far down the standings will the Tigers plummet?"

"Newton was obviously ‘the team’ last season and even with all the controversy surrounding him and (his father Cecil), he still carried that team on his back and never faltered even with a tremendous amount of pressure on him on and off the field. I think that, as much as his physical skills, are what Auburn will miss the most."

"It looks like they’re unsettled at quarterback, but one possibility could be a highly touted incoming freshman (Kiehl Frazier) from Arkansas. I don’t know how successful in this league you can be with a freshman quarterback, but Auburn might find out real quick."

"(Gus) Malzahn will always get his quarterback to play well, but no one will do what Newton did for them."

"Whoever replaces Newton better be elusive, because the right tackle (Brandon Mosley) is the only returning starter on the offensive line."

"Running back Michael Dyer gave a glimpse of his big-play ability in the BCS title game."

"Fairley will be a huge loss, but the Tigers also have several other holes to fill on defense."

"(Gene) Chizik shocked the world last year winning the national title. We’ll see how it works this time around."

"It will be interesting to see how they handle themselves this year. They are the defending national champs but expectations are low. Not a ton of pressure on them.”

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Florida
“Jeremy Foley is widely considered among the top ADs to work for in the nation, but the common theme among coaches I’ve talked to in the SEC wonders if Will Muschamp’s hiring will be a Billy Donovan hiring for Foley or a Ron Zook-type of hire? Muschamp is widely respected within the coaching ranks, but having his first head coaching job at a place like Florida is going to be tough."

"Charlie Weis’ hiring as offensive coordinator is interesting to say the least. He can X-and-O with anyone, but I don’t think Florida has the Jimmys and the Joes to win the SEC this year."

"Besides losing (Urban) Meyer, the Gators also lost 23 seniors. That will be tough to do in one season."

"(Quarterback) John Brantley should benefit most from Weis’ pro-style attack. He was horrendous last year, trying to run the spread. If he doesn’t perform, I’ve heard a lot of good things about early enrollee Jeff Driskel. He could get a shot back there as well, but it’s tough for a freshman in this league."

"It will be interesting to see if they can finally run the ball with Weis in charge. They did a lot of great things under Meyer, but run the ball with a more traditional running back wasn’t one of them."

"They weren’t very good last year, but still had a chance to win the (SEC) East if they could have beaten South Carolina. But they couldn’t get it done."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Georgia
“While it was unfortunate, I really think the whole fiasco with A.J. Green’s suspension for selling his jersey took the wind out of Georgia. He sat those first four games and before they knew it they started 1–4. They did manage to put together a few wins to get bowl-eligible, but another loss to rival Florida and to UCF in the Liberty Bowl is not good for Mark Richt’s job security."

"Incoming freshman running back Isaiah Crowell is a stud, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him in the mix for playing time."

"I really like Aaron Murray at quarterback, and he’ll be even better with another year of experience."

"Murray will have to find another go-to receiver. In addition to Green, they also lose Kris Durham. I’d expect him to look for (tight end) Orson Charles more this year."

"Defensively, I think they were a work in process with a new defensive staff in place. Having had a year to adjust to defensive coordinator Todd Grantham’s 3-4, the Bulldogs should be somewhat improved, but I don’t think they have enough to compete for the SEC East title, and Georgia alums are not going to like to hear that."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Kentucky

"Joker (Phillips) did a nice job in his first season as head coach, getting Kentucky to a bowl game. His second season might be somewhat tougher, especially since he has to replace Randall Cobb and Derrick Locke. Cobb was one of the nation’s top wideouts and just a spectacular all-around threat. I, for one, am glad that I don’t have to face him again. People don’t understand how good that guy was."

"The quarterback (Mike Hartline) also is gone, so I don’t know where they’re going to get their offense from. Hartline really came on last year. He wasn’t very good early in his career, but he was pretty solid as a senior. "The good news is they are strong up front (returning four offensive line starters). Guards Larry Warford and Stuart Hines are the anchors on that unit."

"The defense is loaded and returns virtually intact. Linebacker Danny Trevathan and safety Winston Guy are as good as anyone in the SEC. They could play for anyone."

"Rick Minter, the former Cincinnati coach, was named co-defensive coordinator. Word is he’ll look to implement a 3-4 defense."

"The key for Kentucky is a three-game stretch against Florida, LSU and South Carolina. If they could steal one of those games, I think they could have a special season. If not, they could be fighting to get to a bowl."

"They need some skill guys to emerge. They have had playmakers over the past few years, but I don’t see anyone who really scares you — at least not yet."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: LSU
"Les (Miles) is loaded this year. He’s got the majority of his team back, and I think either LSU or Alabama, whoever survives the SEC West, will play for the national title and make it six national championships in a row for our league. Whether it’s LSU or not may depend on what happens at quarterback. Jordan Jefferson certainly has had his moments, but Miles has opened it up and made his quarterback derby a three-man competition between Jefferson, Jarrett Lee and Zach Mettenberger. Mettenberger is the most intriguing. That kid is a hoss."

"(Cornerback and return specialist) Patrick Peterson is gone, but they have so many athletes back there he won’t be missed a great deal — and yes, I know how strange that sounds."

"Miles has been, let’s just say, very fortunate in the past, such as against Florida with the bounce-pass fake field goal and against Alabama with some late trick plays. Somehow, someway everything always seems to go Miles’ way. If that continues I don’t see many people stopping the Tigers."

"They are loaded. Everyone knows that. But they still scare me because Jefferson is inconsistent at quarterback. Now, he played well down the stretch, but if he is the guy, do you trust him to win you a national title?"

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Mississippi State
"I thought they were one of the nation’s most underrated teams last season. Just look at their four losses — Auburn, LSU, Alabama and Arkansas. And they probably should have beaten Auburn. Then the way they ended the season by simply destroying Michigan (52–14) in the Gator Bowl. Wow. I was very, very impressed with Dan Mullen’s second season to say the least and how much progress they made from his 2009 debut. And the scary thing is: This year might be even better."

"Chris Relf is back at quarterback and Vick Ballard at running back. Those two seniors will provide tremendous leadership."

"Relf has really turned into a good player. I was not impressed with him a few years ago. It looked they wanted to go with (Tyler Russell), but Relf just played too well."

"The one unknown is how the team will respond to the departure of defensive coordinator Manny Diaz to Texas. Chris Wilson and Geoff Collins will share the duties, and they’ll enjoy coaching defensive tackles Fletcher Cox and Josh Boyd."

"(Receiver) Chad Bumphis is a good player. They don’t throw the ball a ton, so we don’t see a lot of him, but the guy can make plays."

"I think another bowl game is a certainty for the Bulldogs. If people sleep on them, they’re going to be in for a rude awakening."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Ole Miss
"There was so much hype and hope with the addition of (quarterback) Jeremiah Masoli — and then that first game happened. I really think that overtime loss to Jacksonville State in the season-opener just killed their season. Maybe they were never going to be better than 4–8, but they had no big-time victories."

"Their best player is running back Brandon Bolden. I also like (Jeff) Scott. He was really good last year as a freshman. He’s fast. Good player."

"Who replaces Masoli at quarterback is a big unknown, but Houston Nutt brought in Dolphins assistant David Lee as offensive coordinator and Oklahoma State assistant Gunter Brewer (as passing game coordinator). That should give the offense a boost from last season. I’d expect to see more Wildcat this year."

"It sounds like Randall Mackey was the guy in the spring. That will be a tough decision for the staff."

"The defense remains a question mark. They were just good enough to get you beat last season. Losing (D.T.) Shackelford (to a torn ACL) is a tough blow. He’s a hard-nosed player."

"What’s in store this season? They could improve slightly, but it looks like another sub.-500 season."

"Who are they going to be better than in the SEC West? No one. They have some talent, but the West is so good now."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: South Carolina
"The soap opera that is Stephen Garcia’s career took another turn (when he was suspended in the spring). I know (Steve) Spurrier has got to be fuming about this latest episode. It will be interesting to see if this causes a distraction within the team."

"Connor Shaw is a capable backup and has pushed Garcia in the past. The offense should be just fine with tailback Marcus Lattimore and wide receiver Alshon Jeffery. Both of those guys are among the best in the country. Lattimore is such a beast and Jeffery is a spectacular talent."

"As much as turnovers killed them last year, the defense got lit up in their losses. They need to be more consistent on that side of the ball and should be this fall."

"They were good last year, but it wasn’t a great year for the division. They picked a good year to be good. They were in the middle of the pack statistically (seventh in total offense and seventh in total defense). Again, don’t want to take anything away from them, because it’s hard to get to Atlanta, but they weren’t a great team."

"The secondary is solid with several starters back."

"The biggest question is how will they deal with these huge expectations and also will Garcia be there to lead the way?"

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Tennessee
"Well, you can say one thing about Derek Dooley’s debut season with Tennessee: It certainly wasn’t boring. I thought he did a tremendous job, and if not for some wacky endings against LSU and North Carolina, the Volunteers would have had a solid eight-win season. To be able to rebound strong from a dismal 2–6 start showed a lot of character from the Vols. Although I can understand some people attributing their last four-game winning streak (against Memphis, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt and Kentucky) to an easy schedule, but it still was an impressive turnaround."

"Quarterback Tyler Bray keyed the strong finish as a freshman and should improve from last season. Tauren Poole is a serviceable option at tailback, and the Vols’ offensive line should be better. They have a lot of guys back."

"They’ve got some really good young receivers. Justin Hunter is a stud. They will miss Denarius Moore and Gerald Jones, but with guys like Hunter and Da’Rick Rogers, they still have plenty of weapons for Bray."

"The defensive front seven has to be rebuilt, but the secondary returns three starters (cornerbacks Marsalis Teague and Prentiss Waggner and safety Brent Brewer so they’ve got a decent chance to return to a bowl game."

"They are getting better, but still not ready to challenge the top teams in the division. Maybe in 2012. But not yet."

"Keeping (defensive coordinator) Justin Wilcox was big. You need to keep continuity with your coordinators."

What SEC Coaches Are Saying About: Vanderbilt
"James Franklin steps into a great position in his first year as coach. No matter what he does should be a big improvement, and the Commodores should be improved. They have nearly their entire team back, and Franklin has infused the program with a winning attitude. That may sound funny at Vanderbilt, but from what I’ve heard their kids are buying into it."

"Franklin comes in with a reputation as a good recruiter, and he did a good job with his first class. Got some pretty good players, especially at the quarterback position."

"They have some pretty good players on defense. The linebacker (Chris Marve) is really good. Been around forever. And the cornerback (Casey) Hayward is outstanding. Been a starter since his sophomore year and really locks people up. I like Sean Richardson, the big safety, too."

"Vanderbilt will never out-talent anyone in the SEC, but I think you’ll see some real progress this fall and even next year. They’ve got a young bunch. They’re not going to challenge for the SEC East title, but they might jump up and surprise someone."

"The running backs are pretty good, especially Warren Norman, but they don’t have anybody on the outside who scares you. That makes them much easier to play against."

Thursday, September 01, 2011

More Haiku

Dougie Poo's Haiku
Spews unending jealousy
Auburn Tigers Champs!

Live Fan Feedback: Week 1

Comments on the week from our expert panel of reporters, bankers, doctors, lawyers, ad wizards, lawn guys, bond guys, car guys, pilots, priests, principals, builders, teachers, bums, and nomads.


Continually updated throughout the day...

Jeff G's weekly picks:

UND - I want to be wrong

BYU - Southpark said that the Mormons are the true religion, so I have to give them the nod over that sinner Nutt.

LSU - I can't pick a team with unis as terrible as Oregon. That comment is limited to the football players only. Their cheerleaders are properly attired.

UGa – Besides Clemson, UGa has been my biggest nemesis over the years. No matter how I pick them, I usually lose. Therefore I respectfully request that UGa and Clemson be removed from all subsequent games here. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your reply.

Maryland - Count me among those taking pleasure in Miami's recent unpleasantness. Hopefully that will manifest itself on the field.

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This was hard to choose for the opening 1st week. I see your rep is still strong for 2011/12. I think I might add tudors to the School of Noise this season. -- School of Noise

The BYU Honor Code will be put to the test in the Grove. -- Brendan

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Faldon's Five More Thoughts:

Notre Dame - That laughter you hear is the Golden Domers' response to being asked to join the LonghornSooner Conference.

BYU - Those Mormons ... err, Latter Day Saints ... can ball.

Oregon - Bigger detriment to LSU's chances this week than the QB being suspended? Artifical turf prevents Les Miles from having a pregame snack.

Boise State - Did you know Boise State has a Chick-fil-A on campus? And it's the only CFA in the entire state?

Maryland - Which campus suffered more damage? Maryland from Hurricane Irene or Miami from Hurricane Nevin Shapiro? Oh, and "Homicide: Life on the Streets" > "CSI: Miami"

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Boise State airs it out over Georgia, Georgia blames the uniforms (34-31 Boise) -- Jeremy A.

Considering the fact that there are two more nights available to party and the word is that Dallas has some clubs, I am reluctant to pick oregon-LSU prior to the deadline, but I will abide by the rules. Just think there should have been a waiver on this game until 6:45 saturday night. -- Dean of Sportswriters

And so it begins... all the choices, deleting the choices and going with the other, then calling yourself dumb and "going with your gut" then losing the game anyway - 5 months of second guessing and remorse, handfuls of "what if" and "if I only had", finding yourself asking your customers "can I get you another beer and, by the way, who do you like in the Notre Dame/USC game (and keeping a mental score card for the e-mail to be sent later) - damn, I have missed this... -- Dave M.

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The System
By Glenn B.

I determined this week's picks by running the games through my new custom app NCAAFConverter, which converts and translates any given matchup to an equivalent relationship in a wholly unrelated field. I'm still working a few bugs out of the system but here is what NCAAFConverter has come up with so far:

1. South Florida - Notre Dame (USF worth four points)

NCAAFConverter : Leprechaun riding mechanical bull, and we all know how that will end. So I'll take South Florida and the bonus points, thank you very much. (My only concern here is that NCAAFConverter did yield an alternative outcome: Leprechaun slamming Red Bull, and if this second conversion is the right one, then my pick is DOOMED.)

2. BYU - Ole Miss

NCAAFConverter: Black Bear versus cougar! And we all know how that will end. So in the interest of seeing if my faith in NCAACFConverter is well placed, I'll go against my gut and take Ole Miss, thank you very much. (Actually, I was too impatient to wait for the video to load so I just scanned the comments; this one is representative: "Black bear uses swipe! But it missed! Cougar uses slash! But it's not very affective. Cougar flees! Black bear gained 32 exp.") (Interestingly, on this one, NCAAFConverter yield two alternative outcomes: Col. Reb versus cougar, and: shark versus cougar, so apparently my Ole Miss pick is solely attributable to UM's choice of a stupid black bear as its new, non-racist mascot.)

3. Oregon - LSU

NCAAFConverter: 555 South Eugene is WINNING! in Baton Rouge! You know you are ready to make an offer so act now!
So I'll take Oregon, thank you very much.(NCAAFConverter really had a hard time with this one; it kept substituting the Auburn Tiger for LSU's Bengal Tiger, yielding a consistent Tiger win but only so long as the Tiger squad was adequately compensated.)

4. Boise State - Georgia

NCAAFConverter: Buttercup cruising Manhattan in a sweet '73 Ford Bronco. Actually, I don't know how this one will end. I'm sorry, I hate to go against an SEC team, but with a name like Buttercup, and taking into account the possible infallibility of NCAFConverter, I have to go with the (sweet) Bronco; so I'll take Boise State, thank you very much.
(P.S., Mark Richt, don't feel bad when UGA VII (?) terminates your contact by peeing on it at the end of this season; you are a quality coach and you will find there's a bright future ahead of you in the Big East or ACC.)

5. Miami - Maryland

NCAAFConverter: Diamonback terrapins released into hurricane-ravaged salt marsh, and we all know how that will end (SARCASM). Actually, I'm sorry, maybe I launched NCAAFConverter too early because I have no clue what this means. Is this terrapin over hurricane because the reintroduction of these baby turtles into the marsh shows the resiliency of the species? Or is the main point that the hurricane slaughtered so many turtles in this marsh that now scientists are having to bring them in via bucket brigade? So I am going with my gut on this one, I'll take Maryland and the bonus point, thank you very much.

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I am extremely confident in these picks, which reflect my newfound love of the SEC. I look forward to sitting pretty at 2-3 going into week #2. -- Aggie Mark

And we're off. I had a rush order put on the school internet feed being repaired just so I would not have to explain to Wells how one can get email on a cell phone. Such a conversation would have led to questions about email in general. So... it was a better use of my time to give a rush order to Comcast so I could get my picks in. They were here until 8:00 last night all due to Poolsville. -- Rocket Man

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Regards from the Big O

Football is finally here and these are my picks for this week: 1)South Florida (who knows the first week of football, and ND may have just listened too many ESPN prognosticators); 2)BYU (because the projections that the Black Bears are getting out of the West's cellar are at best imaginary); 3)Oregon (Lee at QB just doesn't get it); 4)Boise State (because this dawg won't hunt either); 5)Maryland (the U doesn't have the players with character to play on through their media storm like a certain team last year). That's it for a lot of upsets and a different attitude towards AU's fellow SEC members this year... learned the hard way. Also, I'm making the picks while taking Hydrocodone.

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It seems that we should have some sort of pool on where each Big XII team ends up. Is it more of will Big XII add a member or dissolve by end of the year? Though with the way this works, they could add a member and then Oklahoma bolts and it dissolves, all in one season. My hope for the Sooners is a 16 member Pac-12. Definitely no SEC (sorry). I don't see a worthwhile option for adding to the Big XII. -- Sean O.

Traveling for work otherwise woulda blown yur shit up with anotha DJ-U Hip Hop Ya' Don't Stop Pick Pic. -- DJ U-Explicit Johnson

S.E.C. Teams have been fighting the West Team's popularity for years. We still do not get the respect we deserve, despite the recent nat'l championships. "What is the Deal"?? Most interesting - Coach Nutt and the surprise flexbone??? Not much of a surprise, or a factor. BYU Wins... -- Al G

As you can tell from my picks, I despise the SEC with all of my being and hope every team has a losing record this year. Go Frogs and go Canes!!! -- G. Berry

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Danny K's Poetry Corner

The time has come
The picks are in
Football season is here.
I've grabbed the remote
Smacked my wife on the ass
And told her to grab me a beer.