This is how it should be done.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Letters to Ramon
Actual calls from actual listeners...
"Oregon-Oregon State - OSU - aren't they playing for a Rose Bowl berth? I don't know anything about Pac-10 accept that their women's softball players are hot - even the lesbians. Especially the lesbians." -- Jeff G.
"Oregon State - I shudder to think of the uniforms Oregon will unveil for this game." -- Scott F.
"I'm in my own rivarly game - Pride Bowl vs. Lineberry. Gotta hold on to beat Wil." -- Robb O.
"Boomer Sooner Okla U! Have you ever been to Stillwater? It's a dump and it smells like a pig farm as you drive to the middle of nowhere to find it. Plus the stadium will be half empty because the dumb aggies wouldn't sell single game tickets. My high school had a better stadium until the pokes got the Pickens money. 79-16-7 that should say it all. My favorite part will be the Longhorns needing to root for us." -- Sean O.
"It's nutt's fault because he wasn't recruiting." -- Jim C.
"Oregon-Oregon State - OSU - aren't they playing for a Rose Bowl berth? I don't know anything about Pac-10 accept that their women's softball players are hot - even the lesbians. Especially the lesbians." -- Jeff G.
"Oregon State - I shudder to think of the uniforms Oregon will unveil for this game." -- Scott F.
"I'm in my own rivarly game - Pride Bowl vs. Lineberry. Gotta hold on to beat Wil." -- Robb O.
"Boomer Sooner Okla U! Have you ever been to Stillwater? It's a dump and it smells like a pig farm as you drive to the middle of nowhere to find it. Plus the stadium will be half empty because the dumb aggies wouldn't sell single game tickets. My high school had a better stadium until the pokes got the Pickens money. 79-16-7 that should say it all. My favorite part will be the Longhorns needing to root for us." -- Sean O.
"It's nutt's fault because he wasn't recruiting." -- Jim C.
Things I think I think
1. So Wally finally publicly broached the whole "Players not buying into Petrino" thing in his column today. My question is ... why is anybody shocked by it?
Say what you will about Houston Nutt. Love him, hate him or indifferent, there's no denying he was a buddy-buddy coach. He wanted the players to like him. He wanted their hugs. Heck, he wanted them to love him.
Petrino is the absolute opposite of that. He doesn't care if the players love him, as long as they execute. The sudden flip of the script naturally is going to cause some bad blood among the upperclassmen. Add in a losing season and it's no wonder some players are being spoilsports behind the scenes.
But, as bad as it at Arkansas, at least we've not seen this on a Razorback sideline ...
Speaking of Arkansas, when is the last time CBS sent the backup crew to call the LSU game? Don Criqui and Dan Fouts will be in Little Rock, while Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson and Tracy Wolfson will be at Auburn at Alabama on Saturday.
2. How drunk do you have to be to have sex in a football stadium bathroom? I mean, it's not like getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.
More importantly, how drunk do you have to be to have sex in front of 15 people ... while cheating on your husband or girlfriend?
3. USF head coach Jim Leavitt, sarcasm doesn't fit you well.
4. More YouTube goodness (because we all know you aren't doing much around the office today) ...
Those Aggies might be one of the worst teams in the Big 12, but at least their fans are creative when it comes to mocking Mack Brown ...
5. As always, visit SportsJournalists.com to see the Top 25 ... Coach isn't bad and that ain't good Also, if you have time, check out the flame war on the pages proceeding this week's picks. It makes the guys on the Arkansas message boards look polite.
And ... Awful Announcing: Your Week Thirteen Pammy Nominees
M8B Prediction
Much like the Arkansas football team, the Magic 8 Ball heads into Friday's game unable to salvage a winning season. All that's left is pride and a desire to go out on a winning note.
So, M8B, if you bet on Arkansas (+4.5) against LSU, will you cash in?
(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-5 in predicting Arkansas games.)
Say what you will about Houston Nutt. Love him, hate him or indifferent, there's no denying he was a buddy-buddy coach. He wanted the players to like him. He wanted their hugs. Heck, he wanted them to love him.
Petrino is the absolute opposite of that. He doesn't care if the players love him, as long as they execute. The sudden flip of the script naturally is going to cause some bad blood among the upperclassmen. Add in a losing season and it's no wonder some players are being spoilsports behind the scenes.
But, as bad as it at Arkansas, at least we've not seen this on a Razorback sideline ...
Speaking of Arkansas, when is the last time CBS sent the backup crew to call the LSU game? Don Criqui and Dan Fouts will be in Little Rock, while Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson and Tracy Wolfson will be at Auburn at Alabama on Saturday.
2. How drunk do you have to be to have sex in a football stadium bathroom? I mean, it's not like getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.
More importantly, how drunk do you have to be to have sex in front of 15 people ... while cheating on your husband or girlfriend?
Stadium goes out with bang
Two visitors from Iowa engaged in public sexual activities Saturday during the last Gophers football game at the Metrodome, according to a police report.
According to the report:
A Metrodome security worker saw two sets of feet surrounded by dropped pants and underwear underneath a disability-stall door. He peeked through the stall door’s crack and saw two people engaging in intercourse.
By the time officers entered the bathroom to break up the conspicuous couple, a crowd of 15 onlookers had gathered around the over-occupied stall “cheering and laughing.”
After the officers split up the couple and cited both with indecent conduct — a misdemeanor — the male, 26, was released to his girlfriend. The female, 38, was released to her husband. Neither of the offenders’ partners were engaged in the explicit act.
3. USF head coach Jim Leavitt, sarcasm doesn't fit you well.
4. More YouTube goodness (because we all know you aren't doing much around the office today) ...
Those Aggies might be one of the worst teams in the Big 12, but at least their fans are creative when it comes to mocking Mack Brown ...
5. As always, visit SportsJournalists.com to see the Top 25 ... Coach isn't bad and that ain't good Also, if you have time, check out the flame war on the pages proceeding this week's picks. It makes the guys on the Arkansas message boards look polite.
And ... Awful Announcing: Your Week Thirteen Pammy Nominees
M8B Prediction
Much like the Arkansas football team, the Magic 8 Ball heads into Friday's game unable to salvage a winning season. All that's left is pride and a desire to go out on a winning note.
So, M8B, if you bet on Arkansas (+4.5) against LSU, will you cash in?
(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-5 in predicting Arkansas games.)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
This week's games
I'm sending the games out early this week to help everyone taking off to wherever for Thanksgiving, but you don't have to send the games in before Thanksgiving if you don't want to. The first game starts at 11 a.m. Friday, so I'll need your picks sometime before then. It's rivalry week, and you know anything can happen in these games, especially these. I know everyone else joins me in welcoming Clemson, the best six-win team in America, back into the pool. A lot is on the line in some of these games for Week 14. Same goes for the standings. For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, the proud centerpiece of Beth Shields' Thanksgiving table and War Memorial golf course tailgate, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 10 a.m. Friday.
The Backyard Brawl
West Virginia-Pittsburgh
11 a.m., Fri., ABC
Line: West Virginia by 3
Clean Old-Fashioned Hate
Georgia Tech-Georgia
11 a.m., Sat., CBS
Line: Georgia by 8
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Battle of the Palmetto State
South Carolina-Clemson
11 a.m., Sat., ESPN2
Line: Clemson by 1
The Civil War
Oregon-Oregon State
6 p.m., Sat., Versus
Line: Oregon State by 3
The Bedlam Game
Oklahoma-Oklahoma State
7 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Good luck.
****#****
The Backyard Brawl
West Virginia-Pittsburgh
11 a.m., Fri., ABC
Line: West Virginia by 3
Clean Old-Fashioned Hate
Georgia Tech-Georgia
11 a.m., Sat., CBS
Line: Georgia by 8
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Battle of the Palmetto State
South Carolina-Clemson
11 a.m., Sat., ESPN2
Line: Clemson by 1
The Civil War
Oregon-Oregon State
6 p.m., Sat., Versus
Line: Oregon State by 3
The Bedlam Game
Oklahoma-Oklahoma State
7 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Good luck.
****#****
Monday, November 24, 2008
Iron Bowl Haiku
I'm publishing my weekly haiku just in case people are leaving town.
Some of you will really enjoy this one.
Auburn will lose big
No contest in Iron bowl
Hinchey agrees too.
Some of you will really enjoy this one.
Auburn will lose big
No contest in Iron bowl
Hinchey agrees too.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Letters to Ramon
Actual calls from actual listeners...
Jeff G.'s picks:
Having never lived in MS or LA, I don't understand the LSU/Ole Miss hatred. While I certainly don't pull for either team, I don't see much to hate either. Not like Rocky Top or Spurrier or Urban Meyer or Nick the Dick or... Do both states otherwise suck so bad that they need to take out their frustration on each other?
Miami-Georgia Tech - GTech - here we go again, another ACC toss-up. I actually feel pretty good about this one, though. Gambler's famous last words.
Ole Miss-LSU - Ole Miss - What did I say about Nutt a while back? That he wins games he should lose (and yes, I'm conveniently ignoring the "and loses games he should win" part of that statement). I think LSU is in trouble here.
BYU-Utah - Utah - so do the winners get to marry the other teams' wives?
Florida State-Maryland - Maryland - if you were looking for a game with two of the most unpredictable teams in the most unpredictable conference, mission accomplished.
-
"Not exactly correct. You can go to any Mormon Church and they will have the BYU game on. You'll also get kool-aid, cookies and a heaping dose of Mormonism while you are there. Don't bring beer." -- Jeremy P.
"I'm actually warming up to the 'new' Lucy. Old Lucy was pretty much Pearl Jam all day, so I gave up on for a while. I usually stick with the new Ethel, although, I do occasionally give in the the dark side and enjoy the guilty pleasure that is Hair Nation. And on a political note, I'd like to ask our new president NOT to get involved the college playoff debate. There's not much that the government can get involved in and actually make better, so just stick to what you know, Barack. Shortening the regular season to have an 8 team playoff is a terrible idea. I'd get to see my mediocre Aggies play fewer games each year in exchange for watching USC an extra three weeks in a row. No thanks. When has the season ever ended with people thinking that the 8th ranked team should have been the champion? Just add one extra game at the end, which is essentially a 4 team playoff. That's good enough for me." -- Mark H.
"I couldn't reply to all because there were too many addresses, but please let the people know that I said, 'Graham Cracker' Harrell and 'The Dream' Crabtree do not want to see us in Norman this weekend. But I'll let the game do the talking..." -- Cory I.
"I hope Nuttless becomes Tiger Bait." -- Joe C.
"Thanks a lot Roosevelt Noise. Have Miami and Florida State both won at the same time when both are game picks? Don't bother answering." -- Kate D.
"This ACC business is just WRONG!" -- Marvelous B.
"Tuesday November 18, 2008 -- State Police have recovered the body of an adult male from Lake Michigan at 8:45 AM. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption. He was wearing a University of Michigan jersey, navy blue fishnet stockings and a gold garter belt. He also had a cucumber inserted in his rectum. The police thoughtfully removed the Michigan jersey to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment." -- Bucidude
"Roosevelt - you're a smart man. I hate picking the Noles these days... I wish Matt would stop picking these mediocre ACC teams that are so inconsistent... but I guess that's why he picks them. We need more Big 12 teams Matt." -- Sal
"I'd like to propose a ban on ACC games for the remainder of the pool... I thought Miami was the hottest team in the ACC???? GT was ridonkulous last night. I think every game I've picked wrong this season has been an ACC game." -- Jimmie D.
"I'm sad that you couldn't find room in there for the Apple Cup." -- Sean O'H.
"In other important news of note, I'm currently listening to the stream of the new Guns N F****** Roses album. Axl Rose!!! I feel 20 years younger, as I have a new Guns N F****** Roses album turned up loud. Key difference, It isn't a cassette and instead a digital stream through a Mac G4 laptop off a myspace page. Technology!!!" -- Jeremy P.
Jeff G.'s picks:
Having never lived in MS or LA, I don't understand the LSU/Ole Miss hatred. While I certainly don't pull for either team, I don't see much to hate either. Not like Rocky Top or Spurrier or Urban Meyer or Nick the Dick or... Do both states otherwise suck so bad that they need to take out their frustration on each other?
Miami-Georgia Tech - GTech - here we go again, another ACC toss-up. I actually feel pretty good about this one, though. Gambler's famous last words.
Ole Miss-LSU - Ole Miss - What did I say about Nutt a while back? That he wins games he should lose (and yes, I'm conveniently ignoring the "and loses games he should win" part of that statement). I think LSU is in trouble here.
BYU-Utah - Utah - so do the winners get to marry the other teams' wives?
Florida State-Maryland - Maryland - if you were looking for a game with two of the most unpredictable teams in the most unpredictable conference, mission accomplished.
-
"Not exactly correct. You can go to any Mormon Church and they will have the BYU game on. You'll also get kool-aid, cookies and a heaping dose of Mormonism while you are there. Don't bring beer." -- Jeremy P.
"I'm actually warming up to the 'new' Lucy. Old Lucy was pretty much Pearl Jam all day, so I gave up on for a while. I usually stick with the new Ethel, although, I do occasionally give in the the dark side and enjoy the guilty pleasure that is Hair Nation. And on a political note, I'd like to ask our new president NOT to get involved the college playoff debate. There's not much that the government can get involved in and actually make better, so just stick to what you know, Barack. Shortening the regular season to have an 8 team playoff is a terrible idea. I'd get to see my mediocre Aggies play fewer games each year in exchange for watching USC an extra three weeks in a row. No thanks. When has the season ever ended with people thinking that the 8th ranked team should have been the champion? Just add one extra game at the end, which is essentially a 4 team playoff. That's good enough for me." -- Mark H.
"I couldn't reply to all because there were too many addresses, but please let the people know that I said, 'Graham Cracker' Harrell and 'The Dream' Crabtree do not want to see us in Norman this weekend. But I'll let the game do the talking..." -- Cory I.
"I hope Nuttless becomes Tiger Bait." -- Joe C.
"Thanks a lot Roosevelt Noise. Have Miami and Florida State both won at the same time when both are game picks? Don't bother answering." -- Kate D.
"This ACC business is just WRONG!" -- Marvelous B.
"Tuesday November 18, 2008 -- State Police have recovered the body of an adult male from Lake Michigan at 8:45 AM. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption. He was wearing a University of Michigan jersey, navy blue fishnet stockings and a gold garter belt. He also had a cucumber inserted in his rectum. The police thoughtfully removed the Michigan jersey to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment." -- Bucidude
"Roosevelt - you're a smart man. I hate picking the Noles these days... I wish Matt would stop picking these mediocre ACC teams that are so inconsistent... but I guess that's why he picks them. We need more Big 12 teams Matt." -- Sal
"I'd like to propose a ban on ACC games for the remainder of the pool... I thought Miami was the hottest team in the ACC???? GT was ridonkulous last night. I think every game I've picked wrong this season has been an ACC game." -- Jimmie D.
"I'm sad that you couldn't find room in there for the Apple Cup." -- Sean O'H.
"In other important news of note, I'm currently listening to the stream of the new Guns N F****** Roses album. Axl Rose!!! I feel 20 years younger, as I have a new Guns N F****** Roses album turned up loud. Key difference, It isn't a cassette and instead a digital stream through a Mac G4 laptop off a myspace page. Technology!!!" -- Jeremy P.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Things I think I think
1. Questions that bother me so ...
Am I the only one who looks at Bob Stoops, then looks at Mike Leach and thinks "Mr. No Personality Stoops had the eccentric Leach on his staff? Really!?!
Who came up with this "head coach in waiting" thing? At some point, will colleges expand the program to head coach in waiting in waiting? After all, if lining up the next coach before the current one retires is good, then wouldn't lining up the next next coach be good as well?
Surfing the blogosphere, I'm constantly amazed at the cyber-drooling done over Erin Andrews. Sure, she's cute. But she's no Melissa Stark. And whatever happened to Jill Arrington anyway?
If LSU had lost to Troy, would The White Cap have been canned? And would any Bayou Bengal fan been upset if he was?
ESPN has the BCS starting in a couple of years ... does this mean more or less Dr. Lou segments on College Gameday? And will I be the only one picketing The Worldwide Leader's HQ if Ron Franklin doesn't get to call one of the BCS games?
2. LSU and Ole Miss might play for the dumbest-looking football trophy ever. It looks like something a Mississippi beauty queen would get along with her crown ...
I never thought I'd see a trophy that makes the Golden Boot look like a good idea. Thanks for proving me wrong Magnolia Trophy.
3. Speaking of ugly ...
Somewhere, the person who designed the Apex jerseys for Arkansas with the Hogs on the shoulders is smiling.
4. What they were really thinking ...
FIVE! Five-dollar footlongs!
5. Link-a-riffic!
SJ.com pollmesiter mocks message boarders
Awful Announcing: Your Pammy Winners And New Standings After Week Twelve
Magic 8 Ball
The Arkansas at MSU game is a "pick 'em" according to the sharpies in Las Vegas. So the question is simple ... Will Arkansas beat MSU this week?
(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-4 in predicting Arkansas games.)
Am I the only one who looks at Bob Stoops, then looks at Mike Leach and thinks "Mr. No Personality Stoops had the eccentric Leach on his staff? Really!?!
Who came up with this "head coach in waiting" thing? At some point, will colleges expand the program to head coach in waiting in waiting? After all, if lining up the next coach before the current one retires is good, then wouldn't lining up the next next coach be good as well?
Surfing the blogosphere, I'm constantly amazed at the cyber-drooling done over Erin Andrews. Sure, she's cute. But she's no Melissa Stark. And whatever happened to Jill Arrington anyway?
If LSU had lost to Troy, would The White Cap have been canned? And would any Bayou Bengal fan been upset if he was?
ESPN has the BCS starting in a couple of years ... does this mean more or less Dr. Lou segments on College Gameday? And will I be the only one picketing The Worldwide Leader's HQ if Ron Franklin doesn't get to call one of the BCS games?
2. LSU and Ole Miss might play for the dumbest-looking football trophy ever. It looks like something a Mississippi beauty queen would get along with her crown ...
I never thought I'd see a trophy that makes the Golden Boot look like a good idea. Thanks for proving me wrong Magnolia Trophy.
3. Speaking of ugly ...
Somewhere, the person who designed the Apex jerseys for Arkansas with the Hogs on the shoulders is smiling.
4. What they were really thinking ...
FIVE! Five-dollar footlongs!
5. Link-a-riffic!
SJ.com pollmesiter mocks message boarders
Awful Announcing: Your Pammy Winners And New Standings After Week Twelve
Magic 8 Ball
The Arkansas at MSU game is a "pick 'em" according to the sharpies in Las Vegas. So the question is simple ... Will Arkansas beat MSU this week?
(Views expressed by the Magic 8 Ball do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, the blog owner nor this post's author. Advice from the M8B is for entertainment purposes only and not for actual wagering ... especially since Magic 8 Ball is 3-4 in predicting Arkansas games.)
This week's games
Roosevelt Noise is a big fan of picking Florida State games and requested that the Seminoles make the list of games this week, so I am happy to comply with his request and threw in another one of those easy ACC games as a bonus as the elimination games for that conference's championship continue. Similar showdowns are happening this Saturday in the Big 12 and Mountain West where teams are playing for millions of dollars in BCS money. My question about the Texas Tech-Oklahoma game is, can Cory Isom or any of the other OU fans in the pool even attempt to out-trash talk John Sullivan? The BYU-Utah game is being broadcast on something called "the mtn." so unless you are one of the handful in the pool living in Denver or have DirectTV, unfortunately you won't be able to watch this huge match-up. Then there is the intriguing Ole Miss-LSU game where both sides hate each other as much as any rivarly in the country. Can Houston Nutt do it again to Baton Rouge?
Here are the games for your unlucky Week 13. For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which totally crushes the competition in NFL Vibrating Football, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 5 p.m. Thursday. Note that all picks must be turned in at one time, so don't send me Thursday's game and say the rest are on the way later.
Miami-Georgia Tech
6:45 p.m., Thu., ESPN
Line: Georgia Tech by 3
The Magnolia Bowl
Ole Miss-LSU
2:30 p.m., Sat., CBS
Line: LSU by 4
The Holy War
BYU-Utah
5 p.m., Sat., the mtn.
Line: Utah by 6
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Florida State-Maryland
6:45 p.m., Sat., ESPN
Line: Maryland by 1
Texas Tech-Oklahoma
7 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Good luck.
****#****
Here are the games for your unlucky Week 13. For $800 and the Ramon Escobar Trophy, which totally crushes the competition in NFL Vibrating Football, select your winners and e-mail them back to me by 5 p.m. Thursday. Note that all picks must be turned in at one time, so don't send me Thursday's game and say the rest are on the way later.
Miami-Georgia Tech
6:45 p.m., Thu., ESPN
Line: Georgia Tech by 3
The Magnolia Bowl
Ole Miss-LSU
2:30 p.m., Sat., CBS
Line: LSU by 4
The Holy War
BYU-Utah
5 p.m., Sat., the mtn.
Line: Utah by 6
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Florida State-Maryland
6:45 p.m., Sat., ESPN
Line: Maryland by 1
Texas Tech-Oklahoma
7 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Oklahoma by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game
Good luck.
****#****
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