From the Bench

Coaching ‘Carousel’ Taking on Whole New Meaning in BCS Era

Robert Shields

In the futuristic ‘70s movie “Logan’s Run,” people were allowed to live only to 30 years of age before they were terminated. When an individual’s time was up, they were sent to the “Carousel,” which systematically killed people and was also a form of entertainment for those who went as spectators.

In college football, we get to experience the Carousel in a different way. Let’s call it “Coach’s Run.” Coaches get fired or leave their schools this time every season at an ever-increasing rate. After a great season of winning 10 games, even Arkansas was lighter by three coaches who have all since been replaced.

Arkansas’ offensive coordinator left to become head coach at another school but was rapidly replaced by Brother Paul Petrino, who was also looking for a job because Illinois had fired its head coach. The reality these days in major college football is that if you’re not going to a BCS game or at least getting very close, then fans think the head coach should be sent to the Carousel.

A new head coach is not really given any time to turn things around at the program he inherits. To the fans, it has to be immediate. I wrote back at the end of the summer about my interactions with fans at the beach as I do every year. I won’t forget the conversation with the Florida fan who was already down on Will Muschamp even though the guy had not coached in a single game. I said then that if the sentiment was prevalent in Gator nation that Muschamp had very little time.

Make no mistake that after only winning six games this season he is already on the hot seat next year. Eight wins may not be enough to save his job. Let’s face it, Derek Dooley at Tennessee is also a short-timer if things do not improve next season.

Even the Georgia nation wanted to fire Mark Richt at the beginning of the season. Kudos to those fans who stuck by his side. He righted the ship and took the Bulldogs to the SEC championship game winning the SEC East. Not bad for a coach who just a few weeks before needed to be fired. Ironically, he is still on the hot seat among some Georgia fans.

The absolute pandemonium with coaching jobs and their stability is due to unrealistic expectations from fans and boosters. To a great extent, I blame this on the BCS.

I think the pressure on football coaches would be slightly reduced with a playoff format and proper conference realignment. It would bring some semblance of sanity to the sport.

The craziness engulfing college coaches makes me draw from a scene from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” The locals put a woman on trial for being a witch, and they go through a long thought process of how to determine if she is a witch. They come to the conclusion that witches float as do ducks. So they put her on a rigged scale with the duck on the other side. The result is what is demanded and therefore she is a witch.

I feel the same way regarding how some coaches are put on trial. It’s almost the same bizarre process. If you don’t like a coach and want him to be fired, you will find something to justify your case.

The firing of coaches has become so systemic in the game that little thought is given to the fact that you have a bowl game being played this year with neither team having their head coach because they were both fired. This also tells you all you need to know about the meaningless importance of bowl games.

I want to reiterate my bowl rules that should be adopted by the NCAA:

1) If you fire your head coach, your school can’t go to a bowl game.
2) If Hawaii goes to a bowl game, it must leave the island.
3) If you have to play Rice in a bowl game, you must forfeit.

It is hard to believe the number of coaching vacancies this year, and as one school fires a coach to date the new hot girl in the school, it creates a domino effect. Ole Miss, Penn State, Ohio State, Texas A&M, UCLA, Illinois, Arizona, Arizona State, and Kansas all come to mind. By hiring Houston’s hot name on the coaching board, Texas A&M made that domino fall so Houston now has to hire a new coach.

All this creates weird scenarios where these teams have to go to their bowl games without their head coach. Slap anyone who says the bowl games are about the players because that ship left a long time ago. A coach should stay with his team through a bowl game if the game was really about the players. The game right now is about the insatiable desire of college administrators to get a big check and the fans to win the big one. It drives everything.

I think with a playoff, coaches stick around until the playoff is done. It adds stability and a cooling-off period. You don’t see coaches in college basketball leaving while their team is playing in the NCAA tournament.

I say keep the 12-game seasons, get rid of the stupid conference championship games, and go to a 16-team playoff. Some teams already now play a 14-game season, and only two teams will have to play 16 games. The regular season has to stay at 12 because of the revenue generated by those games.

I’m also a realist and know the conference championship games are going nowhere because of all the television money that they generate. As a friend suggested to me, instead of playing the games, they should just have cheerleaders from each school jump in piles of money because that’s all the games are really about.

As long as the BCS exists, the coaching Carousel will continue to get worse. And maybe that is what the fans want because they enjoy going to Carousel to see the termination of coaches.


Send your techniques for sending coaches to the Carousel to fromthebench@yahoo.com.

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