From the Bench

Razorback Football Preseason Prediction: 12-0

Robert Shields

As I always do each year, I make two preseason predictions -- one early in the summer and another after two-a-days start in August. Things often change over the summer as kids with too much free time get busted on Dickson or skip a week of summer school to go to Florida, so I like to put one out early as so many magazines already have and then issue a second opinion later.

Let the predictions roll:

Sept. 3 -- Missouri State at Fayetteville
Since I don’t even know the mascot’s name for Missouri State, it’s a good indication the Razorbacks will win the contest. Tyler Wilson will put on a show and everyone will forget Ryan Mallett for a week. Razorback Stadium will run out of bottled water in the third quarter as a high temperature of 102 degrees leads many in the club sections to hoard water and some females in the student section are forced to pull a Brandi Chastain.
Hogs 58-3 (1-0)

Sept. 10 -- New Mexico at Little Rock
The state of New Mexico usually does not fair well against Arkansas in sports. This game will be no different. The fans go crazy for the first appearance at War Memorial Stadium in a game that gives them a break from having to make three trips in three weeks to Fayetteville to see patsies get hammered. The golf course becomes a sports version of the Burning Man festival as several port-a-potties go up in flames.
Hogs 45-10 (2-0)

Sept. 17 – Troy at Fayetteville
Troy has upset teams in the past and they do occasionally make a bowl game, but it’s not to be this time. After three easy games, Tyler Wilson and the offense rack up some gaudy numbers forcing Paul Finebaum to discuss the Razorbacks on his radio show for the first time since last season.
Hogs 41-17 (3-0)

Sept. 24 – Alabama at Tuscaloosa
This game will have similar meaning to last year’s first road trip to Athens to play Georgia. If the Hogs win, they could be writing their ticket to a magical season. If they lose, Wilson’s favorite son status suddenly drops as the talk-show lines light up with people calling for the second-string quarterback to be given a shot. The Georgia game came down to the very end with Greg Childs juking a defender and racing to the end zone for the win. Wilson will struggle in his first road game but manages the game decently in his first SEC start. @Jay_Wright4, as he goes by on Twitter, catches a ball off his shoulder and sprints to the goal line where he is tackled going into the end zone for the win. FireNickSaban.com is launched (by an Auburn fan).
Hogs 16-14 (4-0)

Oct. 1 -- Texas A&M at Arlington
The Aggies wanted this game a whole lot more than the Razorbacks last year. Arkansas just had better athletes, yet the game came down to the wire. The Hogs will have to bring their A game against a much-improved team wanting its first win in this renewed series. If the Hogs are coming off an Alabama loss, it will be a difficult win to get. I have already predicted the Hogs win at Alabama, therefore they won’t lose this game. It will be close, though, as Zack Hocker kicks the game winner in a wild one. Before the kick, Hocker makes his first tweet on Twitter in six months with the hashtag #scared.
Hogs 31-28 (5-0)

Oct. 8 – Auburn at Fayetteville
Is there life after Cam Newton? Probably not unless you are Gene Chizik’s financial advisor. Why Gus Malzahn stuck around is anybody’s guess. My guess is that he is waiting for Pastor Floyd to create Shiloh Christian College where it will be legal to recruit (unlike at Shiloh Christian Academy). Tyler Wilson has a big day, and somewhere Bobby Lowder later holds a secret meeting with a casino owner to try to get Auburn back on track.
Hogs 38-24 (6-0)

Oct. 22 -- Ole Miss at Oxford
Houston Nutt will struggle to win games, but he will still win enough games that he’s not supposed to win and get his team into the lowest possible SEC bowl. As a fan, you have to hope that he does not get his team jacked up for the Hogs for only their second SEC road game of the year. It’s a game on the current schedule that looks dangerous as it follows an open week. Defense comes up with a key stop at the end of the game that is negated by a terrible call by an official. But Ole Miss misses a field goal to hand Arkansas a road victory.
Hogs win 31-30 (7-0)

Oct. 29 -- Vanderbilt at Nashville
Back-to-back road games in the SEC are usually a killer, but not when it is Ole Miss followed by Vanderbilt. Under a new coach, the Commodores find the offense from Arkansas to be too much. After the game, Bobby Petrino heads to the studio for a late-night session with Hank Williams Jr. to cut a new version of “Hog Wild.”
Hogs 41-14 (8-0)

Nov. 5 -- South Carolina at Fayetteville
South Carolina has to fill several spots and is not the same team that backed into winning the SEC East last year. It’s a tough year for Steve Spurrier as the photo of him with his shirt off at a NASCAR event becomes the new Internet meme and is Photoshopped into a picture that trends on Twitter. The NCAA investigates the Gamecocks for illegal contact with recruits since so many recruits retweet the picture. The NCAA thinks it’s a ploy. Auburn alums later buy Twitter. For homecoming, Joe Adams wins the Crip Hall Award.
Hogs win 38-24 (9-0)

Nov. 12 – Tennessee at Fayetteville
This will be an improved Volunteers team that had mental breakdowns late in games last year. It will be a more hardened team and will want this game against the Razorbacks to improve its bowl position down the stretch so that Vols fans can go somewhere other than Nashville. The Hogs will still be undefeated and ranked No.1 in the AP poll (but not the BCS) for the first time in decades. The game turns into a slug fest as the Tennessee defense is up to the task. The Hogs have early costly turnovers leaving the Volunteers in the game. Rain starts to fall as conditions worsen on the field. Entering the fourth quarter, the Hogs are behind and a sinking feeling sets in at Razorback Stadium of “Oh, not again, we’re letting it slip away.” Late in the game, Tennessee tries to run clock, but the Hog defense holds to give the offense five minutes to go 80 yards. Petrino unexpectedly goes to the ground after trying to throw the ball most of the game. Greg Childs then picks up a first down on a fourth-down slant route. Knile Davis gets the tough yards and Dennis Johnson breaks one up the middle for a big gainer, but it’s Ronnie Wingo who breaks one inside the 10-yard line all the way to Touchdown, Arkansas.
Hogs 31-28 (10-0)

Nov. 29 -- Mississippi State at Little Rock
Arkansas enjoys its third home game in a row, but this one is in Little Rock. The Hogs still hold the top spot, but oddly Mississippi State is still in the running for the SEC West. A loss could send the Hogs to a lower bowl and out of the SEC championship game. Hogs roll as the Bulldogs self-destruct. A giant pile of cowbells is set on fire after the game and damages much of the redesigned area. The War Memorial Park task force throws up its hands and finally admits the park’s best use is for tailgating anyway.
Hogs 42-17 (11-0)

Nov. 25 – LSU at Baton Rouge
The Hogs have every first-place vote in the AP poll except three who think Oklahoma is the top team. Just like Mississippi State the previous week, the SEC West is still on the line in this game. A Hog loss creates a three-way tie. The game is close as has been the case every time the two teams meet. A national audience tunes into the game on the Friday after Thanksgiving. LSU is ranked No. 3 and has its own hopes for a national title. The game goes into overtime as LSU kicks a game-tying field goal at the end of regulation on a questionable pass-interference penalty setting up the Tigers in good field position for the field goal. In overtime, LSU turns it over in its first possession and the ball is recovered by Jerry Franklin. On the first play, Tyler Wilson hits Chris Gragg wide open in the middle as he breaks a tackle and rumbles into the endzone. Les Miles is carried off the field by a mob of fans and is never seen again.
Hogs win 37-31 (12-0)

What happens next?

You now get to write the fairy-tale ending. Arkansas will be playing Georgia in Atlanta for the SEC championship and then Oklahoma in the BCS championship. So for now, I am predicting 12-0, but I may change that come August.

Send your season-ending story and prediction to fromthebench@yahoo.com. I will post them anonymously on shieldsrobert.blogspot.com.

Follow me on Twitter: @rsfromthebench

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