Saturday, September 29, 2007

The 15 Worst Mascots In America: A Highly Scientific Ranking

While the list of The 15 Best Mascots In America received a great deal of attention (Thanks Deadspin), I'm very curious to see how the list of The 15 Worst Mascots will be received.


Without further adieu...

1.) George Washington’s George: A school located in the world’s most powerful city with an endowment of $1.019 billion can do better than this. This puppy dog eyed representation of America’s founding father is an utter disgrace. If George were alive today, he would strip the school of his good name and then roll down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and clean-house. To make matters worse, I’ve been to a few games at the Smith Center in D.C. and have found that George has ZERO entertainment value. He just struts around like an moron with a fake hatchet, looking like a big, ugly monstrosity.


2.) Florida A&M’s Rattler: First of all, this thing looks nothing like a snake. Secondly, it is a female – a cardinal sin in the world of mascots – if this is sexist, so be it. Thirdly, it is dressed like a cheerleader, automatically making the Rattler the lamest mascot in all the land. I wouldn’t mind seeing FAMU’s huge, bad ass marching band stomp this thing into oblivion. If the school was smart, this disgrace would immediately be trashed and replaced by Samuel L. Jackson’s character from Snakes On A Plane. Imagine SLJ roaming the opponents sidelines with a sawed-off shotgun and yelling at every member of the team, “If you catch that mutha f’n ball I’m gonna stick this sawed-off down your f’n throat and stab you with your own cleets!”

3.) Harvard’s John Harvard: My. Dear. God. What in the hell is going on in Cambridge? Honestly. This ghastly-looking freak show is how they have chosen to represent the clergyman who donated half of his land and a library to the college at the time of its creation. On top of that, the on-campus statue of John Harvard reads John Harvard, Founder, 1638... not even close. Harvard was actually just a contributor; the institution was founded in 1636; and the statue is, in fact, a likeness of some random student because the original sculptor didn’t have a picture of Harvard. So basically, Harvard has become the beacon for higher education in America by shatting all over the good name of John Harvard. And now their teams are represented by a drunkard-looking psycho in a pilgrim’s hat.

4.) Nebraska's Lil Red: This ranking is actually shared by every enormous inflatable mascot in America. Many schools in the country have chosen to allow these insufferable things to bounce around their arenas and stadiums, annoying the ever-living-hell out of everyone in attendance. These things suck, and if you like them, you suck too. The reason I chose to select Big Red is because it was the first one I ever saw (’95 NIT at the Garden) and because I want Herbie the Husker – Nebraska’s true, blue collar mascot – to beat Big Red’s inflatable ass. The worst thing about these types of mascots is the likelihood that this brainless conversation will undoubtedly take place: Idiot 1: Do you think there is a person in there? Idiot 2: No way man, it’s remote controlled. Idiot 1: I dunno, I think there has to be a person in there. Idiot 2: Yeah, maybe you’re right. At this point, I slam my head into the guard rail in front of me because I’d rather be unconscious than continue to listen. (Side note: Shockingly, George Washington also sports a giant inflatable mascot named Big George – which is why the Colonials were the clear-cut pick for No. 1)

5.) The Stanford Tree: Oh man, those crazy hipsters at Stanford are going to be heartbroken about this one. While many are under the impression that The Tree has become more endearing over the years, they are, in fact, dead wrong. The only thing that could conceivably be more annoying than The Tree, would be if Bill Walton became the host of The View and I was forced to watch it for 24 straight hours. Why is this country tearing down so many trees that are actually beneficial to our health and allowing this wide-smiled pain in the ass to continue running around like an idiot?



6.) The Oregon Duck: Oddly enough, someone posted a comment on The 15 Best Mascots page saying that the Oregon Duck shouldn’t have been omitted. Wulp, here he is. And why? Because he basically looks like a reject from Duck Tales dressed in a green and yellow sailor suit – a 5-year-old with a sparkler is more dangerous and intimidating than the Oregon Duck.
Addendum: Some folks have pointed out that the Ducks’ looks can be deceiving, due to the fact that he beat the ever-living hell out of the Houston Cougars. While this is a valid point and does help the Ducks’ cause, I view beating up the Houston Cougar as the equivalent of beating up the freshman kicker on the high school football team.
So kudos to the Duck, but I’m not taking him the list…the costume is killin’ me.


7. Syracuse’s Otto: This one might get some heated responses and I don’t care. Otto is a big, fat orange with little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms who wears warm up pants and a baseball cap. Forgive me, but I don’t see the appeal. To make matters worse, he’s constantly sticking his tongue out, probably saying, “I would punch you if my arms were long enough, but instead I’ll stick my tongue out as if I’m your annoying little sister.” The only people who like Otto are Syracuse grads and ESPN, that’s it. I recall reading in “Mahatma Gandhi: A Biography” that Gandhi’s dying words were, “Otto sucks.”



8. The Connecticut Husky: Wow, UConn really went all-out with this one. At least Penn State’s Nittany Lion has a freakin’ scarf. Not only is the Husky bare-ass naked, but he’s also whiter than Strohm Thurman and Trent Lott combined. The creativity is really flowing up at UConn. They even gave their real, live Husky mascot a super cool name like Jonathan…he is presumably named after the ultra-dork son from Who’s The Boss.






9.) Iowa’s Herkey: Umm, what the hell is with the unibrow? While the football version of Herkey has relatively normal eyebrows, the basketball version has no brow separation whatsoever. While I dig the scowl, I just really have trouble getting past the brow…the poor guy is almost as bad as Bert from Bert & Ernie.

Trim that up, Herkey.



10.) Coastal Carolina’s Chauncey: Yes, Chancey is clearly a ladies man in his snug muscle-tee. But, and I’m no scientist, I’m pretty sure that birds, in this case a Chanticleer (a rooster), have wings with feathers…not burly arms. By the way, regardless of what Chauncey actually looks like, any school that decides its mascot should be named after a rooster in the tale of Reynard the Fox, deserves to by on this list.


11.) Akron’s Zippy: This one was hard. Zippy the kangaroo is quite lovable, but…he’s a terrible mascot. No intimidation. No sex appeal (minus the lack of pants). He’s out of shape. His nose is the size of a city block. And, he’s egotistical – your not No. 1 Zippy, get rid of the foam finger and face reality. You’re nothing more than a low rent marsupial with a weight problem.






12.) The Rutgers Scarlet Knight: With a name like The Scarlet Knights, one would envision a sweet ass mascot donned in armor with a huge sword, strutting around the court or field with chivalrous swagger, kind of like this Rutgers mascot. So what exactly is the point of having this piece of crap. I don’t remember hearing about any gallant medieval knights walking around with a dumb ass smile and an obnoxiously large feather on top of his head..........Oh, it’s for the kids? F that.

13.) Pepperdine Willie the Wave: I’m not even sure what to say about this thing. OK Pepperdine, we get it. You’re located on the cliffs of Malibu and that is sooo cool. We’re happy for you, now get over yourselves. Is it really necessary to have a Hawaiian shirt-clad blue wave with sunglasses, flip flops and a bathing suit as your mascot? The answer is no, it is not necessary at all.
You're trying too hard.


14.) The Colgate Red Raider: Alright, either UMass ripped off Colgate with Sam The Minuteman or Colgate ripped of UMass. The two mascots bear a striking resemblance to eachother, but Colgate gets the nod on this list because their version is ass ugly. Where to begin? Not even the most Irish of Irishmen could have hair that red. And apparently, the Red Raider is suffering from a terrible disease that has turned his skin to a ghostly shade of gray…my guess is Gonorrhea. Also, his eyes are redder than those of a hippie on his tenth bong hit.
All in all, the Red Raider is just God awful.


15.) Cleveland State’s Vike: I was unsure whether to list Vike as No. 15 on the Best List or the Worst List. I kind of like him and I kind of hate him. I’m a big fan of the shit-eating grin and tiny Viking helmet he’s sporting but, what exactly is he supposed to be? Why is he a green turtle-looking thing? Orange gloves? This is quite a dilemma and I will probably toil with this one for a long time…because I have nothing better to do.

The 15 Best Mascots In America: A Highly Scientific Ranking

College hoops news has been slow so I've decided to offer my official ranking of the best and worst college mascots in America. There is only one rule for the ranking...No live animals. You can't really expect Purdue Pete or Michigan State's Sparty to compete with a live bengal tiger at LSU or the War Eagle at Auburn (possibly the sweetest tradition in all of collegiate athletics).


So if you're looking for legitimate, hard-hitting college hoops news, stop reading.
Here is the list, it took me entirely too long to complie, so you better enjoy it.

1.) The St. Joseph's Hawk: OK, there is no bias here. Even if I lived in Fargo, North Dakota, I’d still think The Hawk is the best mascot in America…and it’s really not that close. Let’s see; flaps his or her arms the entire game (an estimated 3,500 flaps per game) check. Student in costume gets a full ride, check. Is the only mascot in America that travels to every road game with the team, check.

If you don't believe me, you can believe Sports Illustrated, who named The Hawk the Best Mascot of the 20th Century. End of arguement.



Now lets look at the runnerups…

1A.) Dartmouth’s Keggy the Keg: It’s a dude dressed in a big keg…that’s splendid on so many different levels. Apparently the school doesn’t officially recognize good ol’ Keggy as their mascot and that’s too damn bad. Not only is Keggy filled with deliciousness, but he comes already tapped. Plus, he could pretty much be the mascot for any college in the country…no wonder he’s so happy.


"Cups are five bucks...unlimited Natty Light inside. Beer pong starts in five minutes."


2.) Ohio State’s Brutus the Buckeye: Brutus, seen here break-dance fighting in an alley with Michigan’s nonexistent mascot, is pretty damn awesome. I was once in a Columbus, Ohio bar with a friend and got into a heated argument with a local over who is the better mascot, The Hawk or Brutus. As the drinks flowed (we might have been drinking out of fish bowls), words were exchanged and the man soon enough decided that I deserved to be pummeled for my blasphemy. Luckily a few other patrons intervened and I went home in one piece, only after learning that the man I was arguing with was a former linebacker for the Buckeyes. That story alone gets Brutus the nod for the No. 2 spot.

3.) Montana's Monte: Any motorcycle-riding bear donning a bandana and a leather jacket is OK with me. Monte is the epitome of cool and the essence of bad ass…Girls want him, guys want to be him. Also, it’s my understanding that Monte’s skills on a hog were the inspiration for Steve McQueen’s classic motorcycle scene in The Great Escape. Look it up, it’s true.

"Lord have mercy! Is that what that is? "
If you don't get the reference, you suck.



4.) Wisconsin’s Bucky: Just look at the picture. Although I’m not a fan of turtlenecks, I am a huge fan of not wearing pants, and so is Bucky. It’s been rumored that the pantless Bucky prowls the streets of Madison with reckless abandon, often going from sorority house to sorority without shame. When he’s not sculpting his guns by doing pushups in front of 80,000 people, this Mascot Hall of Fame member is the biggest pimp in Madison, Wisconsin…which is kind of like being the coolest kid in a microeconomics class at MIT.

4.) Western Kentucky’s Big Red: I don’t know what the hell this thing is and I don't know why he's vactioning on the French Riviera in this picture, but I do know that he's fantastic. I’m pretty sure Big Red was created when Jim Henson went on a Hunter S. Thompson-esque bender and started developing sub par muppets to join Kermit. As it turns out, Big Red slept with Dr. Teeth’s wife and was excommunicated by his fellow muppets. Not long after, Western Kentucky swooped in a grabbed him because hey, what the hell is a Hilltopper anyway?
There is another rumor claiming Big Red is actually the love-child of Grimace and Clifford The Big Red Dog…believe what you will.

6.) Florida State’s Seminole: The real reason the NCAA changed their mind and decided FSU could remain as the Seminoles is due to the fact that the Seminole is flat-out Bad Ass. I’m a guy who enjoys horses running on football fields, therefore, this selection came down the USC Trojan and the Seminole. But I had to go with my heritage on this one -- 1/3rd Irish, 1/3rd Seminole Indian and 1/3rd sexy beast -- and FSU is the clear-cut winner.






7.) Delaware’s YouDee: I’ve been to few games at the Carpenter Center at Delaware and have always enjoyed YouDee. The blue hen is the state bird of Delaware and YouDee clearly enjoys the status and privilege that comes with such a title. He patrols the sidelines with a quiet confidence and a subtle swagger. The business-like attitude clearly suits his oversized sneakers and enormous beak.





8.) Auburn’s Aubie the Tiger: Aubie is cooler than a van carrying Jack Bauer, William Wallace, Chuck Norris and Clubber Lang. Yeah, he’s that cool. The only dude to appear in as many television commercials as Aubie is Payton Manning (who is currently starring in 713 TV ads) and no other mascot has won as many National Mascot Championship awards as the lovable Aubie. He should probably be higher on the list due to his lack of pants.




9.) Tennessee’s Smokey: Although he usually wears a Tennessee jersey for most games, any mascot with a massive head wearing a bright orange tuxedo kicks ass in my book. Frankly, Smokey makes McGruff the Crime Dog look like McLame the Dumb Ass. In addition, Smokey gets the nod because I think “Rocky Top” is the most underrated fight song in the country…not sure how that affects a mascot ranking, but it does.




10.) Oklahoma State’s Pistol Pete: Although I wanted to stab Pistol Pete in the face when I was in East Rutherford for the 2005 Elite Eight, I’ve got to admit that he’s pretty impressive. OSU seems to have purposely made Pete appear as drunk as humanly possible and then decided to arm him with a couple of firearms and a bucket hat…these are all excellent decisions. Also, I find mustaches to be quite endearing and Pete has beautiful Jack Daniels-drenched ‘stach.




11.) California Santa Barbara’s Fantom of the Dome: Essentially, the Fantom of the Dome is a moron dressed in a black cape, a Zorro mask, gloves, jean shorts and a UCSB jersey, who runs around creating havoc…I dig this. The only downside is that the Fantom is most likely jobless. I have come to this conclusion because men with jobs don’t wear jean shorts, otherwise known as "jorts." Nevertheless, this is a random, relatively asinine mascot and I’m and fully supportive of both attributes.





12.) Cal’s Oski the Bear: Yes, the smile is entirely too big and he could stand to drop a couple of pounds, but Oski has two things going for him. One, the old school sweater is outstanding and I want one. Two – get ready for this – according to Wikipedia (otherwise known as The Bible for slackers), Oski drinks beer through a hole in his right eye. When you look at Oski, he looks like a wholesome, fun loving character…in actuallity, he’s drunker than Paul Newman in the opening scene of Cool Hand Luke and won’t remember one minute of the game he’s attending.


13.) Kansas State’s Willie the Wildcat: As I’ve said before, any mascot that solely consists of a giant head is fantastic. Willie, seen here with Nancy Reagan (probably), fits this qualification to a T. He’s suited up and ready to jump in the game at any moment and is 10-times cooler than Northwestern’s dreadful version of Willie the Wildcat. The identity of the student who dons the Willie costume is kept secret because if it were public, that student would be the most important person in the state of Kansas…but that’s not saying much (sorry Bill Self).



14.) Grand Rapids Community College’s Raider: The winner of the small school division of the contest, GRCC’s Raider ranks with the big boys. It seems that Indiana Jones replaced his charming sidekick Chen (“Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for lovin. We’ve got company!”) with a raccoon. I know what you’re thinking…What the hell does he have in that satchel/man purse??? Well, I’m going to tell you. He’s carrying the souls of every of school in Region IV of the National Junior College Athletic Association.
Go Raiders! Beat Waubonsee Community College!

15.) The Old Penn Quaker: The inspiration for my decision to compile this list. I mentioned in a post on Thursday that Penn needs to switch back to the old Quaker immediately…he’s so great that being defunct can’t keep him off this list. Just look at him for Christ’s sake…he’s f'n gorgeous. A little known fact is that the head of the costume is an actual scale model of Benjamin Franklin’s head. The man was built like a God damn Mardi Gras float.
Penn already has the best gym in the country, it’s time they bring back the 15th best mascot.

War Memorial Public Forum

On Tuesday Oct. 9th , Little Rock Parks & Recreation will be hosting a
public forum on the redevelopment of War Memorial Park.
This meeting is to seek community input for the redevelopment.
The two hotbed topics are what to do with Ray Winder Field and whether
or not to reduce the War Memorial Golf Course to nine holes.
The meeting will be from 6-8PM at the Jim Dailey Fitness Center at
300 S. Monroe. The building between the stadium and the zoo.
If you have strong a strong opinion on what should be done, show
up for this meeting and state your input.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Texas A&M's Franchione puts halt to inside info in newsletter


CBSSports.com wire report

DALLAS -- The Texas A&M athletic director said he didn't know coach Dennis Franchione was providing inside information on the Aggies in a newsletter to boosters who paid $1,200 per year until two weeks ago.

A reporter made AD Bill Byrne aware of the secret newsletter.

"When I saw a copy of an e-mail, I called Coach Fran and recommended this program be discontinued," Byrne said in a statement released by the school Friday. "I understand he stopped at that time."

Franchione said he has stopped selling the newsletter. The money from the subscription fees helped finance the coach's personal website.

About a dozen big-money boosters subscribed for the past three years to the e-mail newsletter, called VIP Connection. It offered Franchione's candid assessments of players and specific injury information, details Franchione routinely declined to discuss publicly, citing program policy.

Franchione made subscribers sign a confidentiality agreement and said he doesn't believe any of the inside information was used for gambling, the San Antonio Express-News reported Friday after obtaining a copy of the newsletter through a "third-party source."

"We asked them to sign something," Franchione told the newspaper. "And for them not to do that. Most of these people are tremendously loyal Aggies."

In the same statement released Friday, Franchione said the e-mail list began when a group of 12 to 15 boosters participated in a Kickoff Camp that raised money for the school band, the library and the booster club. The newsletter, he said, "came about as an extension of trying to keep some dedicated and loyal fans updated throughout the year on the football program."

"There was no intent to deceive anyone," Franchione said. "I thought this was another avenue of trying to keep some of our top donors informed about our football program."

The newsletter was written by Mike McKenzie, Franchione's personal assistant. The two denied benefiting financially from the newsletter.

In one newsletter, McKenzie wrote about six players being unavailable to play against Montana State and listed their specific injuries. A seventh player was "iffy" because he had not fully recovered from a mild concussion, according to the newsletter.

The Texas A&M players mentioned by name in the newsletter had authorized the school to release information on their injury status, said Alan Cannon, an athletics department spokesman.

McKenzie also wrote about Franchione's assessment of the Aggies' wide receivers.

"Privately, Coach told me last night that Earvin (Taylor) and Pierre (Brown) are very steady but with average speed," McKenzie wrote. "Kerry (Franks) has great speed, but (is) inconsistent in receiving."

McKenzie, who worked for Franchione at his previous coaching stops at Alabama and TCU, is listed on the A&M staff directory as a "special assistant to the athletic director." His newsletter duties were done on his own time, Cannon said.

Franchione, who makes about $2 million per year in a contract that runs through 2011, is 28-24 since taking over at Texas A&M in 2003. He has received harsh criticism from Aggies fans since the team's 34-17 loss last week at Miami.

A spokesman for the university did not respond to attempts by the Associated Press to reach top university administrators for comment.

The boosters' money went to the company that operates Franchione's personal website, coachfran.com, Franchione said. The boosters will receive refunds, he said.

NCAA rules require coaches to report to the school any "athletically related income and benefits from sources outside the institution." It was unclear Friday if Franchione had done so, or would be required to if all the boosters' subscription fees went to the website company.

Grant Teaff, executive director of the American Football Coaches Association, said there's nothing in his organization's code of ethics about writing newsletters to boosters. NCAA rules are explicit about reporting outside income and proper dealings with boosters, he said.

"I think every athletic director and head coach is very aware and clear of those concerns and issues," Teaff said.

Wake Forest coach Jim Grobe, the head of the coaches association's ethics committee, said it would be inappropriate for him to comment unless it were clear a coach had broken rules.

"An investigation would need to take place first before the ethics committee would be involved," Grobe said through a spokesman.

Other college coaches have personal websites.

Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer offers a "Coach's Club" membership for $39.95 per year that promises "the best, up-to-date, daily practice and injury reports straight from Coach Beamer, right off the practice fields."

AP NEWS
The Associated Press News Service

Texas gets funky

Forget ads for Pop Secret popcorn, KNWA and "22 Straight," the Longhorns know how to entertain during a timeout...


http://view.break.com/372365 - Watch more free videos

Fire Major Applewhite web site

They've already got a web site up to fire Arkansas' next head coach, Major Applewhite. Check out the first post on this site... from 2004:

Major Applewhite was a good college quarterback and I'm sure he's a fantastic graduate assistant. He'll probably make a darn good quarterbacks coach before he's promoted to offensive coordinator and finally head coach, where he may win championship after championship. He could do it all before he hits the age of 40.

But one day his luck will turn, boosters will start calling for his head... and this site will be ready.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm not a HDN hater but this is funny.


This fall on ABC

The Randi vs. Roosevelt rivalry

You may have seen Randi Parker's e-mail that referred to Roosevelt "School of" Noise as "Noisy School." Last year, Randi served as a consultant on Roosevelt's weekly picks, and this year she has entered on her own. They both have a goal greater than winning the pool -- beating each other. It's developed into quite a rivalry.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Showing Some Love

This week I am going to show the Auburn Tigers some love........NOT!!
The previous post an Auburn fan put in must have been high on Ex-Lax
and Gas-X. That is a lethal combination. How many times did the Ex-
Lax kick in while you were on hold with Comcast? If there was a drug
test for Ex-Lax and Gas-X, the Auburn football team would fail miserably.
Before I go here is my brilliant haiku:
Auburn's football stadium
Jordan Pubic Hair Stadium
No conference wins

Shakespeare

This week's games

"With these games it just depends on which team shows up that day." That's the assessment of Roosevelt "School of" Noise as I just informed him of the games for the week. Clemson versus Georgia Tech is impossible, and the rest of the games are just as difficult. Note that one of the games takes place Friday night, so don't straggle in with your picks on Saturday morning. Also note that the Alabama-Florida State game is at a neutral site.

West Virginia-South Florida
7 p.m., Fri., ESPN2
Line: West Virginia by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game

California-Oregon
2:30 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Oregon by 5
* Underdog worth three points in this game

Clemson-Georgia Tech
2:30 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Clemson by 3

Alabama-Florida State
4 p.m., Sat., CBS
Line: Florida State by 2

UCLA-Oregon State
5:30 p.m., Sat., Fox Sports Net
Line: Pick 'em

Good luck.
****#****

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The cruel irony in the quest for Ramon

You're my boy Blue!


Handicapping. Guessing. Call it what you want to. One element that always comes into play when picking games is the heart. That odd little feeling your team can't possibly lose. I know I am guilty of it and I would bet you are too. Are there really 35 Kentucky fans in the pool this year? Nope. Just 35 guys and gals who know when it comes to Arkansas football the little Hoggies can rip your heart out no matter what the stats point to. 35 who know damn well when we lose one we lose two. Make that 36...but these are MY Hoggies, at home with UK. UK? They play thump thump, not the foosball.

There is no bigger Hog fan than me. Well maybe but as Kipley Dynamite says "Like there is anyway to even know that." I assure you there is no bigger Ryan Mallet fan. None.

Thus the irony. Look at the leader board of the Ramon Escobar Trophy. You won't see Mike P up there. Why? Because I pick like a homer. A stupid homer. Then I pick like a bettor. A stupid bettor.

So if this stupid Homer went with his head and not his heart who would be leading with 33 points? Mike P. That's what I get for thinking Meechigan could bounce back from the Appy loss and rip Oregon a new one. I mean, Mike Hart and Jake Long said they would. They have my boy looking on, ready to go in at a moments notice. Saban and Bama? Getting by on name recognition, surely not talent. We have McHei5man for goodness sake! We have FJ for crying out loud! We are going to beat Bama. We didn't? Then we will surely shake off the hangover and kick the crap out of UK. right? WTF? And even with Mallett, PSU should beat them slightly. No question. Come again? They beat PSU? Oy Vey.

I can't win. Why have my Hogs and Mallett forsaken me?

I bet you are in the same boat. Well, except Vratsinas...but wait until Iowa is on the tote. Iowa can surely beat a Purdue or Wisconsin. Can't they?

This is why college football is the best sport in the world...and the most maddening.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Comcast Customer Service Rocks! Yeah right.

Well, after about 45 minutes on the phone with Comcast, I was finally able to purchase ESPN Gameplan pay per view games which includes New Mexico State vs. Auburn.

Their customer support is ridiculous. I started by trying to purchase the weekend package ($21.95) through the cable box. The only option I had was to buy the season package ($129). I didn't want that. So, last night I called Comcast and was on hold for a while after explaining what I wanted and finally the lady came back saying, "Well, since this is after work hours, you've getting the customer support center in Tennessee. We can't seem to find the code to use to sign you up for the package. You'll have to call your local Comcast during the hours of 8 am-10 pm tomorrow."

So, I called the Comcast number at 8:30 am Saturday morning and the message (after going through a multitude of options) basically says, "We are closed. You'll need to call during business hours which are Monday through Saturday 8:00 am to 10:00 pm." This was at 8:30 like I said. Ridiculous. So, I search online to find the local number instead of the 1-800-Comcast number I used. I finally get hold of someone and tell her what I want and she says, "I'm very new at this job and I'm not sure I can figure out how to do this for you but let me see." Wonderful. Just wonderful!

So, I hear the following comments over the next 45 minutes:
"Hmm, I can't find that station at all."
"Maybe I need to search by time. What was the time of the game again?"
"Oh darn, I guess I need to include minutes in the search."
"Maybe it's military time."
"I'll just start at the beginning of the day and scroll through and see if I can find it."
"Sir, I can't search by channel."
"It's not finding the title."
"Oh yeah, I think they sent us an email for these games that has the order code, let me check my email. Please hold."
"What game was that sir? What time again? I don't see that any where."
Me: "Can you please ask one of the people I can hear in the background if they can help you??"
"Uh, ok. Hold on."
"Okay, I've got the code, let me look through these."
"I can't figure out what the price is."
Me: "I've found the prices on the internet, google this..."
"Can you tell me the exact website you see the prices on?"
Me: "Type this in your address bar..."
"Oh, I see. That's where you come up with the prices you've told me."
"I'm seeing different prices on my computer in our system."
"Umm, I see where you can buy the one game for $32 or I see and early bird special for $27 that I'm going to give you." huh?
"Well, I'm confused, these look like payments for the whole package. I guess you can cancel them after one payment."
After much more hemming and hawing, "I need to talk to my supervisor." why the frick didn't you do this in the first place?? I exercised way too much patience this morning upon further review.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to transfer you to the local office. Hang on."

OH MY GAWD! I thought I was speaking to the damn local office in the first place.

It then took about 5 minutes with the local lady and it cost $21.95. This whole process should be totally embarrassing for Comcast. Ridiculous.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Catching up with Ramon

News Veteran Escobar Joins Sucherman

By Michele Greppi, TV Week

Ramon Escobar, a veteran of news and entertainment in the Spanish- and English-language TV world, has left NBC Universal, where he has spent the last 13 years, and joined Sucherman Consulting Group.

“Ramon has run local and network newsrooms, he’s developed shows for cable and has been an entertainment programming head,” said Stuart F. Sucherman, chairman and CEO of the media consulting firm, in a statement. "Simply put, he has the market and operations expertise required to address the unique challenges faced by our clients. His in-depth knowledge of U.S. Hispanic media and Latin America will also add the experience we need to continue our expansion into this burgeoning field.”

Mr. Escobar, who will be based in New York, will focus on developing new clients in the areas of news and entertainment as well as the growing U.S. Hispanic and Latin American media markets; consulting on programming strategy and organizational design; news talent coaching and newsroom training/consulting; and executive media training, executive presentations and coaching.

After getting his start in local sports and news at Univision-owned WXTV-TV and Telemundo-owned WNJU-TV in the early 1990s in New York City, Mr. Escobar was hired by NBC-owned WTVJ-TV in Miami, where he was named VP and news director in 1997.

NBC called him to New York in 2000 as MSNBC executive producer of dayside programming, later promoting him to VP of live news coverage and daytime programming. After NBC acquired Telemundo, Mr. Escobar became senior VP of news and creative services for Telemundo-owned stations, playing a key role in integrating Telemundo and NBC station operations.

Most recently, he was Telemundo’s senior executive VP for entertainment.

Thanks for beating 'Bama



You know how I can tell Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford is gay? Because he's spooning another dude and teammate Joe (hee hee) Cox.


On the plus side, maybe it isn't all bad. He does like beer and hot chicks as well. EDIT: Interweb research reveals that the girl is reportedly a life-long Auburn fan, who now attends Alabama.

Weis, Willingham and the looming hypocrisy at Notre Dame

By Jon Wilner
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 am


Each week, with each miserable performance, with each blowout loss, with each new record for futility, Notre Dame gets closer to a perception problem.

Actually, it could turn out to be a perception nightmare:

The belief, supported by fact, that Notre Dame treated Tyrone Willingham, the only black coach in school history, differently than the white coaches who came before him and after him.

The Irish aren’t in their nightmare period yet, but they’re on a collision course.

A quick review:

Willingham was fired after three years despite having a better record than two of his predecessors (Gerry Faust and Bob Davie) had through three seasons — and they were given five years.

The Irish Nation responded by saying that Willingham had to go because of all the terrible losses: blowouts at the hands of Michigan, Florida State and especially USC.

OK, fine. But here were are in Charlie Weis’ third year, and not only are the losses mounting, so are the blowout losses.

In three years, Willingham lost eight games by 20 points or more.

So far, Weis has lost six games by 20 or more, and with USC on the schedule, it’s pretty safe to say he’ll get a seventh (and possibly several more before the season ends).

Should I even mention the combined score of Weis’ last two Michigan games? (Wolverines 85, Irish 21.)

Or that Notre Dame is 0-4 for the first time in school history?

Or that is has lost six games in a row dating to late last season (and that all six have been by at least 17 points)?

So here’s where the looming hypocrisy comes into play: There’s a very good chance that Weis will finish this season with a similar record and comparable number of bad losses as Willingham … But will the Irish fire Weis? No chance.

And when they don’t, that’s gonna look bad — really bad.

******

The Irish Nation will defend the decision to keep Weis by blaming his third-year woes on Willingham’s bad recruiting and by noting that Weis’s recruiting classes have been highly rated.

I see two problems with that:

1. You never heard Irish fans say that Willingham’s woes in Year Three were due to Bob Davie’s bad recruiting.

2. It’s not all about recruiting rankings. Just check the numbers:

* The last five Notre Dame recruiting classes have all been rated in the top-30 by scout.com. (That’s two Willingham classes and three Weis classes.)

* Only one of Georgia Tech’s last five classes has been top-30, and remind me again what happened in the opener.

* Only one of Michigan State’s last five recruiting classes was ranked in the top 40, and we all know what happened Saturday.

So it’s not all about recruiting rankings, Irish Nation.

The services can be wrong, the college coaches can be poor evaluators — we know Weis can call plays, but can he assess talent? — and, of course, the players can get injured, lose interest, lose confidence … whatever.

To say that Weis deserves to stay and Willingham deserved to go — despite comparable resumes — because of where Weis’ recruiting classes have been ranked … well, that’s a pretty flimsy argument, as the GaTech and MSU results indicate.

******

Look, I don’t think Notre Dame is a racist institution and I don’t think the people in charge are racists.

But unless Weis gets the Irish turned around immediately, Notre Dame will have to deal with the perception that it treated Willingham differently than it treated Faust, Davie and Weis.

In fact, that’s already becoming a story — a national story.

As most Hotline readers know, I wrote about this issue in January (here’s the link)

Then New York Times columnist Selena Roberts chimed in. (Scroll down to page 35.)

Then, within the past few weeks, espn.com’s Pat Forde ripped the Irish not once, but twice.

And now, the big kahuna, ESPN, has joined the fray.

Last Thursday’s edition of “Outside The Lines” examined the parallel tenures of Willingham and Weis and wondered whether Weis would be treated as Willingham was.

(Full disclosure: I was a guest on the show, and to anyone who saw it, or will see it: you’ll understand why I have no past, present or future in TV.)

So at this point, the media microscope is starting to focus on Notre Dame, Weis and Willingham — and that’s not the best news for the Irish.

If the losses keep mounting, especially the bad losses, then the story will continue to gain steam.

What happens to the Irish this season, and how the university deals with Weis going forward, could create a very uncomfortable situation for Notre Dame.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

What can't Ramon do?

Found in the Democrat's archives. You can tell how old the article is from the reference to VH-1 showing videos. So silly VH-1 only shows Flavor of Love now.
Please tell me copiesof the Ramon Escobar Show still exist because I would really like to watch.

June 4, 1990
' Escobar' ragged but right on target
Byline: FEATURES
On the Air It's not Wayne's World, but it's pretty funny. What it is, is The Ramon Escobar Show, a homemade comedy produced by Matt Dishongh and John Moran of Little Rock. It will be carried at 10 p.m. today on Storer Cable Channel 2 in Little Rock, the channel that normally carries the VH-1 music video network. The show, put together by Dishongh and Moran and some of their college buddies, shows interludes of real creativity, especially in a segment called " D. V. P. Video Classics." That segment of the half-hour show features an intriguing segment about a mysterious wind-up penguin that waddles about the top of a teen-ager's bureau, knocking to the floor a series of the owner's belongings while the owner chats on the phone. It doesn't sound like much on paper, but the effect on tape is funny and interesting. Other segments include a renegade visit to Riverfest where Dishongh attempts to open a "checking account" at the booth that dispenses River Money, and a poetry corner that features the dangedest white rapper you ever heard. There's a real funny sequence about a sleep-fogged teen-ager's week-long war with his toaster, which produces toast that is too white. The quality of the tape is ragged, about on a par with Rob Lowe's famous Atlanta hotel-room production, but the editing and writing show real thoughtfulness and creative charm. Some guitar jamming and a few "extreme close-ups" would put The Ramon Escobar Show on the road to providing some real competition to Wayne's World.

What to watch for in Miami

Aggie fans Hattan and Papacek have reunited in Miami. So if you are watching the Texas A&M vs. Miami game tonight and see two fans escorted out by police for drunken behavior, the odds are good it may be them judging from the stories of their days in College Station.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

This week's games

Texas A&M-Miami
6:45 p.m., Thu., ESPN
Line: Miami by 2

Penn State-Michigan
2:30 p.m., Sat., ABC
Line: Penn State by 3

Kentucky-Arkansas
5 p.m., Sat., ESPN2
Line: Arkansas by 6
* Underdog worth three points in this game

Georgia-Alabama
6:45 p.m., Sat., ESPN
Line: Alabama by 3

Washington-UCLA
9:15 p.m., Sat., Fox Sports Net
Line: UCLA by 7
* Underdog worth three points in this game

Hogs on the big screen

I find this to be oddly tempting ...

WATCH THE RAZORBACKS ON TRAVS GIANT SCREEN
Bill Valentine's Ballpark Restaurant Patio Open For Saturday's Hogs Game

Sports fans in Central Arkansas are invited to watch the Arkansas Razorbacks battle the Kentucky Wildcats on the Dickey-Stephens Park videoboard this Saturday, Sept. 22. Come out to see the Hogs on ESPN2 on the area's largest television! The game kicksoff at 5:00 p.m. and fans can start arriving at 4:30 p.m.

Fans will be able to sit on the patio set up at the third-base concourse and food will be available from the Bill Valentine's Ballpark Restaurant menu. Concession items regularly found at Travs games will not be available.

Enjoy the beautiful weather, fantastic food, the best view in Arkansas...and the Hogs on the largest screen in Central Arkansas.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Thursday game alert

The Thursday night game on ESPN makes the top five this week, so check your e-mail Wednesday morning and send in your picks by gametime Thursday.

At least bring the Haiku to the junior high level

Potty humor now?
Are you still in the third grade?
Shakespeare, you are not.

Beatdown Haiku

With the beatdown of Nebraska and Auburn last weekend I came up with this
haiku. I can talk about all the poopin' & fartin' that goes on at Auburn,
Alabama and its funny everytime. This will be my haiku for this week:
Porn smashes corn
Auburn, Alabama still smells gassy
Bulldog trees Tiger.

Bulldogs w/ Botox & Beano

Pee Wee league offense

This was written in the Montgomery Advertiser.

But hey, look at the bright side. You could be an Arkansas fans, and have two of the best running backs in the country, a solid offensive line and a decent defense and have all of it undone by a bad coaching staff.

And goodness, is Houston Nutt and staff ever pitiful. You can't help but feel sorry for poor ol' Darren McFadden. The guy runs for almost 200 yards and two touchdowns and loses. That doesn't happen at many SEC schools, especially at the ones lacking really good basketball programs.

But McFadden and his backfield mate, Felix Jones, are stuck in this Pee Wee league offense, where they try to figure out every goofy way imaginable to get these guys the ball. As if simply turning around and handing it to them isn't enough.

Really, it's like Pee Wee ball, where you have that one kid on the team who's clearly better than everybody else and you come up with every scheme imaginable to let that kid touch the ball. The problem is the guys on defense aren't in the Pee Wee league, so that nonsense only works every now and then, and often backfires altogether. But that doesn't deter Nutt and the boys.

The Arkansas coaches have McFadden playing running back, quarterback, kick returner and on-the-field offensive coordinator. You half expect him to trot out and knock through an extra point or two.

Then you've got quarterback Casey Dick, who must be wondering just what in the world he's supposed to do in such a setup. Every fifth play, he's on the sidelines. And then people wonder why he's not playing very well.

It's maddening to watch the kind of talent Arkansas has be wasted. And that's coming from me. It must be head-bangingly frustrating for Razorback fans.

So, maybe they were in the right place this weekend, because if there's any group who can relate to their situation, it's Alabama fans.

And as the Tide folks are now likely explaining to their pals from Arkansas, there's a quick fix for all that ails them -- dirty, stinking money.

Josh Moon is a sports writer for the Montgomery Advertiser. He can be reached at jmoon@gannett.com.

The HDN Stat Part II



THE RAZORBACKS’ RECORD UNDER HOUSTON NUTT

  • Leading At Halftime: 54 - 8

  • Leading After 3rd Quarter: 59 - 4

  • Trailing At Halftime: 8 - 34

  • Trailing After 3rd Quarter: 8 - 39


  • Feel free to caption. It's as fun as haiku.

    Monday, September 17, 2007

    More Rules for Football Fans

    This is a continuation of the "new rules for college football fandom" created by Page 2. These were written by fans and submitted to the website. Go ahead and add your own in the comment section (bonus points for haikus). Here are a few to wet your appetite...

    66. Just because you are Catholic does not mean you should root for Notre Dame. God hates it when wars are carried out in his name, how do you think he feels about having bowl losses carried out in his name? (Jim Wiggin)

    82. If you don't have a raging hangover by the fourth quarter, you didn't pregame hard enough. (ttubigmike)

    95. Any conference called "The Big Ten" that in fact has 11 teams must man up and kick one out. (htighe811)
    95a. Any Big Ten team who loses to a Division I-AA team is the candidate to be kicked out.

    97. You cannot, under any circumstances, attempt to castrate a fan of a rival school (even if you are a church deacon). (lgrothues)

    Sunday, September 16, 2007

    Condolences

    There are a lot of fans of the following schools that came out on the losing end Saturday. It is a tough Sunday for many of us.

    Mississippi State 19
    Auburn 14

    Iowa State 15
    Iowa 13

    Michigan 38
    Notre Dame 0

    Alabama 41
    Arkansas 38

    USC 49
    Nebraska 31

    The HDN stat

    Under Houston Nutt, Arkansas has lost every SEC game following its first SEC loss of the season.

    Robert, feel free to use this as justification in picking UK to win in your next column.

    Friday, September 14, 2007

    You're my boy, Blue!


    D-III team will suit up 59-year-old player on Saturday

    (AP) -- After missing two games with injuries, 59-year-old linebacker Mike Flynt will take the field for Sul Ross State on Saturday for the first time in 37 years.

    Flynt will suit up for the Lobos (2-0) when they face Mary Hardin-Baylor in Belton. The Crusaders (1-0) are ranked third in the Division III poll. The game will be the American Southwest Conference opener for both teams.

    Flynt will not become the oldest college football player, as Edgard Barreto played for Ashland (Ohio) University when he was 60 in 1997. Barreto, however, got in for only one play in the fourth quarter of a blowout in the next-to-last game of the season. So Flynt could be considered the oldest player counted on to be a regular contributor.

    "The opportunity like what I'm going after right now is just a testament to what you do at any stage of your life if you'd just take a few minutes every day to prioritize your health and take better care of yourself," Flynt said in an August interview.

    Although he's the ultimate college "senior" -- a grandfather and AARP member, he's eight years older than his head coach and six years from Medicare -- Flynt is legitimately capable of playing against guys one-third his age.

    Coaches didn't give him a spot on the roster. He had to earn it in two-a-days. He's remained in great shape over the years as a strength and conditioning coach at Nebraska, Oregon and Texas A&M, and later by selling the Powerbase, a fitness machine he invented.

    Still, some aches and pains from practices kept him out of the first two games.

    Flynt last played for Sul Ross in 1970. He was kicked off the team before the 1971 season because of a fight and never got over the regret of missing his senior year. He shared that with some former teammates at a school reunion earlier this summer and one of them suggested he should rejoin the team.

    Flynt never considered it because he thought he was out of eligibility. Turns out, he had one semester left. He's now also taking graduate school courses.

    Copyright 2007 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

    What if?

    A first grade teacher explains to her
    class that she is an Alabama fan.
    She asks her students to raise their
    hands if they are Alabama fans too.

    Not really knowing what an Alabama fan
    was, but wanting to be liked by their
    teacher, their hands fly into the air.

    There is, however, one exception. Susie has not gone along with the
    crowd.

    The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
    "Because I'm not an Alabama fan" she reports.

    "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

    "I'm an Arkansas Razorback fan" boasts the little girl.
    The teacher asks Susie why she is an Arkansas fan.

    "Well, my Dad and Mom are Razorback fans, so I'm a Razorback fan too"
    she responds.

    "That's no reason," the teacher says.
    "What if your mom was a moron, and
    your dad was an idiot? What would you be then?"
    the teacher asks..

    Susie smiles and says, "Then I'd be an Alabama fan!"

    Kickass Haiku, Part 2

    For one, it's Peppas
    Don't forget the E, the E
    Still the haiku champ

    And on to more important business, pool business.
    Can I pick Missagain and Notre Suck to tie?
    Seriously both teams couldn't beat Scooter's Catholic Rockets right now. So in honor of the serious awesomeness that is the suckitude of Michigan-Notre Dame, I'd like to pick a tie. Neither team is worthy of a win and a tie makes a certain kind of sense. I don't even know if a D-I game can end in a tie, but I'd love to see what would happen if it got to 10 overtimes and neither team had scored.
    Can Ramon give us a ruling?

    Thursday, September 13, 2007

    KICKASS HAIKU

    Listen here Pappas
    You can't touch this
    Stop,Haiku Time

    M.C. Hammer

    The sixth game: Ohio State at Washington

    This game didn't make the list thanks to being pushed out by the Notre Dame-Michigan game, which is kind of ironic since part of the intrigue of this game is the success Ty Willingham is having at Washington after having been pushed out at Notre Dame, now in the midst of what looks like a mediocre year. The case could be made that Notre Dame would be in much better shape right now had they not dumped Willingham in favor of Charlie Weis. I like the headline in the San Jose Mercury News: "Turns out Notre Dame wasn't good enough for Willingham." Ohio State is only a four-point favorite in this road game for them, and it looks like it might be another glaring example of how down the Big Ten is if the Huskies can pull off the upset. Watch it at 2:30 p.m. (Central) on ESPN and be glad you didn't have to pick a winner.

    Wednesday, September 12, 2007

    SEC Fearless Predictions, Sept. 15

    SEC Game of the Week

    Tennessee (1-1) at Florida (2-0) 3:30 PM CBS
    Why to Watch:
    While this might not decide the SEC East title, it'll go a long way to shaping the pecking order, and it'll go a very, very long way into possibly determining the immediate futures of the two power programs. Florida is the defending national champion. Of course, you knew that already, but the college football world appears to be ready to push the Gators aside and jump all over USC, Oklahoma, or LSU as the heir to the throne. Meanwhile, all the Gators have done is crank out 108 points in two tune up games, while showing off the same speed and explosion it had last year. Of course, playing Western Kentucky and Troy isn't going to earn much in the way of respect, and strangely enough, beating Tennessee might not do it either. The Vol fans ready to move on from the Phil Fulmer era are looking for any ammo possible to usher in a new era, and a third straight loss to Florida, a 1-2 start, and yet another year without a BCS bowl bid might just do it. This Tennessee's last big stand. Oh sure, it could lose to Florida, get hot, and still pull off the East title with a little bit of help, but that's not the point for a program that's expected to be playing for national titles. If nothing else, the Vols should provide a heck of a battle in a series that's produced nothing but close games and high drama over the last three years.
    Why Tennessee Might Win: It's not like the Florida defense has been pushed over the first two weeks. That's sort of why it's vital to schedule cupcakes early on, so all the young players can get their feet wet and figure out what they're doing, but it's a whole new animal when dealing with a team like Tennessee in the SEC opener. The Volunteer offensive line has done a good job so far of protecting Erik Ainge, and the senior has come through with a strong start to the year considering he's breaking in a new starting receiving corps. Florida, with all its speed and athleticism, has been merely average at getting into the backfield and generating consistent pressure. If Ainge is getting time, he'll pick apart the green Florida defensive backfield.
    Why Florida Might Win: Tennessee's defense has decided to take the first few games off. Granted, Cal has one of the nation's most explosive offenses, but Southern Miss was also able to throw effectively. The Vols are currently dead last among SEC teams in scoring defense and have struggled way too much against the pass. Tim Tebow has been almost perfect in his first two games, playing like a seasoned veteran in near perfect command of the offense. As long as he's not making any big mistakes, the Florida offense should have few problems going on long, sustained marches.
    Who to Watch: Florida can ill afford to lose veterans and leaders for a big game like this, and it lost a key player when Andre Caldwell sprained his MCL against Troy. Sophomore Riley Cooper, who led the team with four catches for 122 yards and two touchdowns in the win over Western Carolina, will step in and the passing game likely won't miss a beat. Easing the loss of Caldwell for the UF passing game is the loss of Tennessee starting CB Antonio Gaines for the season with a torn ACL. His loss means Tebow will do everything possible to throw at freshman Eric Berry, who started off the year at strong safety. One of the team's top prospects, he has NFL written all over him, but he'll be tested early and often.
    What Will Happen: While it seems wrong to call this Tim Tebow's coming out party, it might be the game that officially signals that this is his team. Florida's young defense will give up a few big plays, but it'll win more than its share of battles, while the Gator offense will continue to hum. This will be the game that exposes the current talent gap between the two programs.
    CFN Prediction: Florida 31 ... Tennessee 20
    ... Line: Florida -8
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 5

    Mississippi State (1-1) at Auburn (1-1) 12:30 PM GamePlan
    Why to Watch:
    After Auburn suffered a 26-23 overtime loss to South Florida, coming on the heels of a rough 23-13 win over Kansas State, there's a full-blown panic attack kicking in on The Plains. The offense has been lethargic, the defense has been fine, but nothing special, and the team doesn't appear to be remotely close to being an SEC champion. The ship can quickly be turned around with an easy win over Mississippi State, but that'll be easier said than done against a feisty defense and a decent running game. Auburn has owned the series in recent years winning six in a row by a combined score of 208 to 55.
    Why Mississippi State Might Win: The Auburn offensive line was supposed to be a sore spot coming into the season, and it hasn't disappointed. The pass protection has been mediocre at best, and was eaten alive by George Selvie and the USF defensive front. Much of the focus has been on how QB Brandon Cox has struggled, but he simply hasn't had any time. If MSU can take advantage of the problems and get a steady stream of pressure into the backfield, the Tiger offense will sputter and cough yet again.
    Why Auburn Might Win: Mississippi State hasn't seen a turnover it didn't like to give up. QB Michael Henig couldn't stop throwing it to LSU defensive backs, doing it six times, while the Bulldogs lead the nation with nine giveaways (tied with Oregon State). Auburn hasn't been great at forcing turnovers in the first two games, but if the defensive pressure can force Henig to hurry his passes just a little bit, the interceptions will be there for the taking.
    Who to Watch: Auburn DE Quentin Groves could've turned pro early and made a lot of money, but he chose to come back for his senior year and now is on the verge of making gobs and gobs of money. Along with being third on the team in tackles, he's been a holy terror as a pass rusher highlighted by two sacks against Kansas State that effectively put the game away. He didn't get a sack against South Florida, but he sure made his presence felt with ten quarterback hurries and three tackles for loss. If he's wreaking havoc in the MSU backfield, expect at least three Henig interceptions.
    What Will Happen: Auburn pitched a shutout in the last two games against the Bulldogs, and while that won't happen this time around, the D will come up with several turnovers to overcome another shaky offensive performance.
    CFN Prediction: Auburn 20 ... Mississippi State 13
    ... Line: Auburn -13
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 3

    Western Carolina (0-2) at Georgia (1-1) 1:00 PM GamePlan
    Why to Watch:
    If you're really fired up to see the Georgia backups and how the overall Bulldog depth is, then this is the game for you. Western Carolina followed up a 52-6 loss to Alabama with a 45-21 hiccup against Eastern Kentucky. For Georgia, what was initially considered a tune up game before going to Alabama has become a hangover outing after a rough 16-12 loss to South Carolina. This is going to be an inconsistent Bulldog team for a while, and it could use this light scrimmage to get the offensive line more live reps and work on the passing game..
    Why Western Carolina Might Win: Is Steve Spurrier suddenly coaching the Catamounts? The only possible chance WCU has of keeping this closer than 40 points is it the veteran offensive line can crank out a few long drives. The running game has been non-existent over the first two weeks, but the passing game, in comeback mode, hasn't been bad. WCU has to hope Georgia isn't trying.
    Why Georgia Might Win: WCU hasn't been able to do anything against the run so far. Alabama cranked out 313 yards and six touchdowns, while EKU barreled for 326 yards and five scores. If Georgia's offensive line ever wanted to get into a lather, this will be the game as it should be able to pound away as much as it wants to. Making matters worse is a turnover problem. WCU has given it away six times and doesn't have a takeaway.
    Who to Watch: With injuries being a problem for the Georgia running back corps, particularly Kregg Lumpkin, it's been up to redshirt freshman Knowshon Moreno to carry the load over the first two games. After a workmanlike 70-yard day against Oklahoma State, he ripped off 104 yards on 14 carries against South Carolina, and was the only offensive player who was doing much of anything. Until everyone gets 100% healthy, he'll be the focal point of the attack, while Thomas Brown, who's back in the mix, will continue to ease his way into more work.
    What Will Happen: Georgia will feel much better about itself after about a quarter.
    CFN Prediction: Georgia 48 ... Western Carolina 0
    ... Line: No Line
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 1

    Arkansas (1-0) at Alabama (2-0) 6:45 PM ESPN
    Why to Watch:
    With Auburn appearing to be mediocre, and Ole Miss and Mississippi State being Ole Miss and Mississippi State, it's not a stretch to call this a one game SEC West playoff to see who can be the main challenger to the LSU. Oh sure, beating Vanderbilt in the SEC opener was a nice appetizer for Nick Saban, but now the real work begins as his Bama team faces Arkansas and Georgia before a two-game conference break against Florida State and Houston. For Arkansas, a skeptical nation that never really bought into the SEC West champions last year needs more convincing. Oh sure, the running game is great, and the defense certainly did its part against Troy, but if the team is a real, live SEC title contender, it has to find a way to win a game like this. With four straight home games coming up before facing Ole Miss and FIU, it's not crazy to think that a win here could spark an 8-0 start before facing South Carolina.
    Why Arkansas Might Win: Oh sure, Alabama's run defense has been a brick wall so far, but Arkansas isn't Western Carolina or Vanderbilt when it comes to running the ball. This isn't a ball control Hog offense; this is an attack that strikes from everywhere on the field. While being a home run hitting running team might seem strange, it's more than a little scary for an Alabama team that hasn't been able to bust out all the weapons quite yet. The big plays in the passing game haven't been there, which has been a bit mystifying considering the receiving corps was considered the strength coming into the year. Arkansas knows it can mount a quick comeback any time it hands the ball off to Darren McFadden or Felix Jones, but the Tide has yet to show the pop needed when threatened.
    Why Alabama Might Win: Yeah, yeah, yeah, every team has the same gameplan against the Arkansas offense, and no one is able to do much about it. This year's Alabama defense might be a little bit different. The Arkansas running game might be out of this world, but the one dimensional attack will stay that way with top receiver Marcus Monk still out after undergoing two minor knee surgeries. A defensive coach like Saban feasts off of teams that aren't balanced, and he'll be able to put everyone and their sisters up on the line until one of the Arkansas receivers shows he can make a play, and QB Casey Dick can show he can beat a top defense.
    Who to Watch: The big concern for Alabama coming into the year was the running game, and that's been the team's biggest strength so far. That could quickly change now that top Arkansas defensive end, Marcus Harrison, is back in the fold after being suspended for the season opener. While he might not have his game legs quite yet, his return makes an already nasty Hog defensive front something potentially special.
    What Will Happen: You want to see a crowd in a lather? Bama's SEC home opener under Saban should be a wild scene, but Arkansas is used to playing in front of crazed fans. Dick will try more downfield passes than normal to try and loosen things up, but Bama will have none of it. The defense will do just enough to keep McFadden and Jones from going crazy, while the Tide will finally show off a little bit of offensive balance. Expect a big-time fight to the finish in what should be one of the day's most entertaining games.
    CFN Prediction: Alabama 24 ... Arkansas 20
    ... Line: Alabama -4
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 4

    South Carolina State (1-1) at South Carolina (2-0) 7:00 PM GamePlan
    Why to Watch:
    While the world will gloss over this game as an easy blowout for South Carolina, it's a game of historic and symbolic significance, as it's the first time the two programs have ever faced each other. The historically black South Carolina State will get its first shot at the big boys just a few miles down the road. On the field, the Gamecocks get a breather after a 16-12 win at Georgia that made an SEC East statement. With a trip to LSU next week, and a chance to make some thunderous national noise, SCSU will be used to as a scrimmage to make everything is working well. The Bulldogs lost to Air Force 34-3 in the season opener before beating Bethune-Cookman 24-13.
    Why South Carolina State Might Win: Talk about your letdowns, after beating Georgia and with LSU ahead, you'll have to forgive everyone around the USC program if the bags are already packed for Baton Rouge. Considering how much the offense struggled in the first two weeks, that could be a major mistake. Another big problem is a Gamecock run defense that's allowing 190 yards per game. The Bulldogs don't throw, but they can certainly run.
    Why South Carolina Might Win: SCSU won't be able to throw for more than 100 yards on the Gamecock secondary, so as long as the front seven is actually trying, it should be able to tee off. How bad are things for the Bulldog passing game? The pass protection has been non-existent, which has caused the quarterbacks to scramble, which has added up to 178 passing yards combined in the first two weeks.
    Who to Watch: If South Carolina has any dreams of beating LSU, it needs Blake Mitchell and the passing game to be able to open things up more than they were able to against Georgia. Mitchell was fine at controlling the tempo and making the short to midrange throws, but 20 of 31 for 174 yards isn't going to cut it next week. Even at the expense of appearances, USC has to throw and keep throwing just to get Mitchell, who was suspended for the season opener, more live reps.
    What Will Happen: South Carolina will need about 20 minutes to wake up, and then it'll be over by halftime.
    CFN Prediction: South Carolina 38 ... South Carolina State 0
    ... Line: No Line
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 1

    Ole Miss (1-1) at Vanderbilt (1-1) 7:00 PM GamePlan
    Why to Watch:
    It's only September 15th, but a bowl game is on the line for the winner. Actually, to be more accurate, the loser will probably be eliminated from post-season possibilities with the meat of the SEC schedule ahead for each. Ole Miss got by Memphis in the opener before getting blown past by Missouri, but there have been positive signs thanks to an improved offense and the best passing game the program has seen since Eli Manning was slinging it around. Vanderbilt has had high hopes coming into the year, thanks to a talented offense and a slew of veterans on both sides of the ball, but the excitement crashed with a resounding thud last week in the 24-10 loss to Alabama. The Commodores can't afford to give away home games, especially to a mediocre team like Ole Miss. The Rebels can't afford to give away losses, period. If nothing else, this should be close. Seven of the last eight games between the two have been decided by a touchdown or less.
    Why Ole Miss Might Win: For the first time in years, Ole Miss can keep pace with a passing game that should be able to keep the Vandy safeties off of the line. The more room for BenJarvus Green-Ellis to rumble, the better. The senior took his game to another level last week against Missouri, running for 226 yards and a touchdown on a workmanlike 33 carries. The Commodore run defense got shoved around by Alabama last week and is sure to key on Green-Ellis from the start. Ole Miss QB Seth Adams will see plenty of single coverage to exploit.
    Why Vanderbilt Might Win: The Ole Miss secondary hasn't decided to start the season. Memphis QB Martin Hankins bombed away for 343 yards and a touchdown, while Missouri's Chase Daniel threw for 330 yards and five touchdowns. To be fair, the Rebels did a great job of picking off Hankins, forcing four turnovers, but they should have a nightmare of a time with Earl Bennett, who was held in check by Bama last week but should be a lock for 100 yards. The junior caught ten passes for 179 yards last year, but he might have a hard time matching that again since ...
    Who to Watch: .... Vandy starting QB Chris Nickson is questionable, at best, after suffering a hamstring injury against Alabama. Sophomore Mackenzi Adams has all the tools to eventually become a great one, but he needs plenty of seasoning before he'll be consistent. In limited action so far, he's completed 13 of 24 passes for 108 yards and a score, while rushing for 44 yards against Richmond. If he struggles, and assuming Nickson isn't ready, the offense could be turned over to Richard Kovalcheck, the Arizona transfer who has the best arm of the bunch.
    What Will Happen: The Vanderbilt pass defense will keep Adam from having a huge day. While Green-Ellis will get his yards, he won't be able to control the tempo enough to overcome the Vandy passing game. Bennett will go for 150 yards with a late score proving to be the difference.
    CFN Prediction: Vanderbilt 26 ... Ole Miss 20
    ... Line: Vanderbilt -5
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 2

    Louisville (2-0) at Kentucky (2-0) 7:30 PM ESPN Classic
    Why to watch: This has a chance to be a classic, even if the only three-pointers will be kicked on grass instead of shot behind an arc. Better known for their indoor rivalry, the Cardinals and Wildcats meet with as much anticipation as this game has had in years, and on a national scale, it takes on far more significance than anything the two have done on the hardwood in a long time. While Louisville has won seven of the last eight in the series, most convincingly, Kentucky believes it’s narrowed the gap, and is poised for a breakthrough. After last season’s 5-1 finish and an Andre Woodson-led offense that’s scored at least 50 points in each of this year’s first two games, this is a confident, loaded team that should be able to keep up in a shootout. Considering Louisville’s Brian Brohm is being touted as the number one quarterback prospect for next year’s NFL draft, and Woodson is considered No. 1A, this could be an all-timer of a matchup that’ll be replayed for years to come. Expect about 800 passing yards between the two teams, close to 100 points, and big play after big play after big play in a game that could define the rivalry and the direction of the two programs.
    Why Louisville might win: The competition hasn’t been stout, but the Cardinal offense has been downright silly through two weeks. Louisville is averaging almost 700 yards and 65 points a game, moving the ball as if it’s on a constant power play. Brohm has been red-hot, completing 68% of his passes for 77 yards and nine touchdowns and no interceptions in two games. Adding balance has been RB Anthony Allen, who’s coming off a school-record 275 yards rushing in the win over Middle Tennessee. Although Kentucky is an obvious upgrade in competition for the Cards, it doesn’t have enough elite defenders to slow down this locomotive once it gets rolling.
    Why Kentucky might win: The Louisville defense got exposed in a huge way by the Blue Raiders. This was the same Middle Tennessee that was impotent a week earlier in a loss to Florida Atlantic. The Cardinals allowed 42 points and 555 yards, most of which came when the game was still competitive. If the poor tackling and breakdowns in coverage aren’t addressed immediately by Mike Cassity, Woodson and his sidekicks, WR Keenan Burton, RB Rafael Little, and TE Jacob Tamme, will score early and often. UK has one of the few teams in the nation with the firepower to match Brohm and company yard for yard.
    Who to watch: Where in the name of Elvis Dumervil has Peanut Whitehead been? Louisville’s sophomore defensive end with the massive upside and quick first step has been absent so far this fall. On a unit that has just one sack in 2007 and must pressure Woodson, it’s incumbent upon Whitehead and linemate Maurice Mitchell to begin making some noise off the edge this weekend. On the flip side, Louisville has yet to give up a sack. If UK can’t get to Brohm, a 400-yard passing day will be a near lock.
    What will happen: All of the ingredients are in place for this Saturday’s game in Lexington to be a memorable one. In a slugfest that’ll be highlighted by fireworks, the quarterback that has the ball last will win. Brohm will have the ball last, bolstering his Heisman brag sheet.
    CFN Prediction: Louisville 52 ... Kentucky 40 ... Line: Louisville -7.5
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ...4.5

    Middle Tennessee (0-2) at LSU (2-0) 8:00 PM GamePlan
    Why to Watch:
    What appeared to be a brutally ugly mismatch before the season began has now turned into a brutally ugly mismatch with a little bit of intrigue after Middle Tennessee's offense cranked out 555 yards of total offense and 42 points on Louisville last week. Meanwhile, LSU spent last Saturday night making its claim for the top spot in the rankings after stomping on Virginia Tech 48-7. With South Carolina up next, the Tigers might suffer a little bit of a mental letdown, but with all the parts working, it might not matter. For Middle Tennessee, anything less than a 40-point blowout will be a success. Next week, Western Kentucky will look like it's running in sand compared to what the Blue Raiders are about to deal with.
    Why Middle Tennessee Might Win: Alright, so how did the offense work so well against Louisville? It was able to get its running backs in space and they took off for a few really, really big plays. DeMarco McNair took a short pass 78 yards for a touchdown, Phillip Tanner ran for a 79 yard score, and the ground game ended up averaging 10.3 yards per crack. Make no mistake about it; Louisville can run, and MT still came up with the home runs. If LSU has a few mental breakdowns, and misses a few tackles, it could be shocked at how speedy the Blue Raider skill players are.
    Why LSU Might Win: Yeah, Middle Tennessee put up some huge numbers against Louisville, but it only scored seven points in the second half once the Cardinals decided to tackle and chose to mentally check into the game. On the other side of the ball, Middle Tennessee's run defense has been shockingly awful. Considering there's actually a few NFL prospects on the front wall, Florida Atlantic shouldn't have been able to run for 216 yards. Louisville's Anthony Allen cranked out 7.9 yards per carry on a 275-yard, two touchdown day. LSU will want to work on its passing, but it'll hang the ball off 55 times and go home with a blowout win.
    Who to Watch: For those Tiger fans waiting to see Ryan Perrilloux under center for more than just garbage time, this should be your chance. Starting QB Matt Flynn missed a little practice time with a dinged up ankle, and while it's nothing remotely serious, it might be just enough to get his butt on the bench the second the game gets out of hand. Perrilloux has completed seven of eight passes for 105 yards and three touchdowns, and has run for 33 yards and a score, in limited action.
    What Will Happen: Middle Tennessee will try to air it out and will look for every opportunity to take some chances. LSU will get more than its share of turnovers on the way to a cakewalk of a win. The reserves will play most of the second half.
    CFN Prediction: LSU 48 ... Middle Tennessee 10
    ... Line: LSU -41
    Must See Rating: (5 Britney at the VMAs - 1 Big Shots) ... 1.5